6 '
IRWIN S PREDICAMENT BY ARN! HARALDSSON

J.B., a larger than life figure of authority and a sym-
bol of success, enters the conference room. The clone-like
gentlemen withdraw their erections from the thick, stale air
and focus their divided attention up towards J.B.

-J.B.: "Good day gentlemen, | trust you all enjoyed your-
selves the other night. My wife, my sole posession, God bless
her. She wishes to express her gratitude to each of you by in-
viting you all to next weeks dinner and dance at the ‘Quadruple
Towers'. So on behalf of her, | hope to see you all there.''

-Brief pause~

-J.B.: ''Now then on to more urgent matters. Recently, it ap-
pears that a survey brought about certain sources ~sources
that | will expose later, that an epidemic is invading our
environment. Which is effecting the mental state of each and
every citizen of this country, especially the lower classes;
that is, according to this survey. irwin, if | may ask you to
read the report."

After being employed 40 years for J.B.&Company, Irwin
has lost his identity. He is at odds with himself. On the one
hand, he sees himself as a snivelling coward, and on the other
hand he does have certain dreams and desires that have yet to
be fulfilled.

-Irwin: (clears throat) "Ofcourse, J.B., gentlemen. This re-
port reads as follows, it is dated July &, 1992. 3t 1s pre;
sented by the CCC, part one."

-Reads report-

-lrwin: "This is a survey conducted and financed by the CCE to
investigate into Yankee Doodle Dandy Imagery, A six month survey
involving 24 independent scientists, independent meaning 'financed
by the CCC', a non-profit organization, funded by non-bureaucratic
groups. From the results of this investigation, we, that is the
CCC, as well as the sctentists who took part in this survey are
declaring a national epidemic which is invading the well being of
each and every citizen of this country. As a resolution to this
problem, we are declaring on...