Should | Kill Myself or Go See a Matinee?

A series of movie-going experiences reviewed for the amusement of
those who think they are in the movies all the time.
Carter Hayes

Zoolander

| just got back into town from a huge clipping party and i ran into van-
couver's own Robert Dayton. He was wearing a pink scarf and skulking
around Mrs Hudson's Malt Shoppe at the Granville Skytrain station. |
told him about the party. "There was a dj playing rare funk 45s, electro,
and everything!" | exclaimed. | was really excited. He started talking real-
ly loud about how he was meeting his professional film and televison
actor friend Paul and they were going to go see Zoolander! Robert
Dayton is Derek Zoolanders' Canadian cousin. What's a hack like me to
do? This was definitely a mothership connection. So off we went on a
fun matinee adventure. We laughed at the huge VFF lineups. We read
cool comic books, we talked to cute girls and made lots of witty, pun
filled quips about the world around us. | bought a coffee and we played
some pinball. We thought we were so cool. So hip. At one point Dayton
delcared to an ugly teenager "We are the in crowd!". In short we
thought we had it all and, if you saw us, you should recognize our magi-

cal abilty to interpret life. My personal best that afternoon was when |
asked a dour looking, middle aged white man, "How does it feel to know
that while we are enjoying a 'movie' you'll be in this line waiting to over-
analyze some ‘film' about Czechoslovakian vanilla pudding?!?"

Zoolander was great, and you know what? It was more than a funny,
smart satire about entertainment culture and the decline of western
morals. It was a movie about Robert Dayton, about his friend Paul, about
you, and about me. It seems there's a little Zoolander in everyone.
Synchronicity is real.

If you ever want to know what could have possibly motivated the WTC
terroist attackers then rent Glitter. r

Sign off: I've been romancing a 28 year old married woman who hasn't
seen Pulp Fiction. Is that cool, or what?