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Planet ofthe Arts vol.4_ no. 1

6

ASHORT NATIONAL

|

story

Thad this foot problem this month. It was
major. I got this thorn stuck in it and it got all pus-
filled and infected. Not a pleasant sight. So I went
to a doctor who sent me to a specialist who sent me
to another specialist. B.C. Medical was being
charged every time. When I got to the foot doctor’s
office, the secretary, or should I use the new
euphemism of the month, receptionist person,
greeted me with open arms and a big toothy smile.
She was cross-eyed and I could smell laughing gas
on her breath. She led me to the patient-doctor
confrontation room, staggering in her party pumps.
I sat on the chair which was covered in cheap paper
and took my shoes off.

When the doctor walked in ( an old crow) he
didn’t say hello, or anything else for that matter.
He yanked my feet in the direction of the light and
started asking me if this hurt. I explained the
reason I was there was because I had a problem
with my other foot. Not the foot he was torturing
with a razor, a Bic lighter and a vice.

He got up abruptly and croaked, “Do you,
young punk, think I don’t know what I’m doing?”
With that he slapped me across the face twice and
went back to torturing the wrong foot. He then
smeared it with black guck.

“What’s that?!!” I yelled in terror.

“Nothing that concerns you.”

“Hey, in case you don’t know, that is my foot
and it does concern me” I indignantly replied.

In response, he pulled a red switch beside his
chair, which passed god knows how many volts
through my body.

“Next time keep your mouth shut” he
snapped.

There was no doubt in my mind that he was
the long lost Doctor Mengele. I got up to leave, but
as I was putting my sock on the mad man ques-
tioned if I had asked for permission to leave.
Glaring, he blew a whistle, and in walked this large
German nurse the size of a Luftwaffe bomber
plane. She grabbed me and began to squeeze me so
hard my eyes were bulging.

“Do you vant us to tell B.C. Medical you vere
a bad boy?” she whispered.

“You people are crazy, just like all the other
doctors I’ve seen.” I was screaming hysterically.

Using her tremendous bulk as leverage she
shackled me and whipped me into a dumb waiter,
which sent me plummeting down to the basement
to wait with all the other patients who had ques-
tioned their doctors. After innumerable amounts of
x-ray tortures and forced urine and stool samples, I
was released. I was so glad to be alive, even though
I still had my foot problem. I went home that
evening and pulled out the thorn. The wound
healed in a day.

“How was your doctor’s appointment?” my
room mate asked.

“Oh the usual.”

Jerry Stochansky

David Vaisbord

Finally. Finally, after more than 50 years of
promises, Canada has a National Gallery to rival,
architecturally at least, those national galleries of
London, Paris and Washington D.C. The presence
of the new National Gallery of Canada pulls
Ottawa out of the backwoods and places our
nation’s capital on the Art World map.

Architect Moshe Safdie has designed a temple
of art of glass and steel, concrete and pink granite
that unites the Gothicness of the buildings of
nearby Parliament Hill with the newer,modern
Federal Government offices across the river in
Hull.

The new National Gallery is full of natural
light and balanced between monumental and
personal. What could have become a neo-Fascist
warehouse is a surprisingly fun and exciting place.
Even without the art on the walls, the five buck
entrance fee would be worth it just so you could run
around the ramps and staircases and galleries and
gardens. —

The new National Gallery makes the Na-
tional Collection shine. Though Canada possesses a
collection that is small in size and scope compared
to the National Collections of Europe and the USA,
the layout and the arrangement of the galleries of
the National Gallery makes our one Van Gogh and
our group of the Group of Seven look like a bazillion
bucks.

Contemporary Canadian Art really gets the
room to breathe in the new National Gallery.
Currently, installations are being presented in
most of the space designated for contemporary art.
Emily Carr College of Art and Design is repre-
sented with works by Dennis Burton, Gary Lee-
Nova, David Rimmer, Sara Diamond and Lorna
Boschman (not to mention Emily Carr). Film and
video both have prominent places in the National
Gallery collection. Videos are shown in a perma-
nent viewing room and film series are running
every weekend in the Gallery’s theatre.

GALLERY

The hit of the summer at the National
Gallery was the Degas Exhibition. This exhibition
was jammed packed right up until the closing day.
The coup of this exhibition were several works that
had never been shown before. Degas’ life and work
were richly represented by the enourmous amount
of paintings, drawings and pastels that filled large
rooms. Whereas many retrospectives offer you only
a snack, the Degas exhibition was a full course
meal. From his earliest paintings of his Italian
relatives to his ballet dancers and racetrack scenes,
the exhibition offered the chance to view Degas’
progress from academic realism to his own personal
impressionism.

There was something for everyone at the
National Gallery this summer. For those of a more
contemporary bent there were sexually explicit
videos and neo conceptual installations. For the
more traditionalist among us there were Degas,
that group of Seven, and a Van Gogh iris( just one )

For people who find art boring and dull there was
the architecture of the place to keep you occupied
while your parents took in some culture. For
gardeners there was the bizarre landscaping based
on the Northern Tundra, shrivelling under the hot
Central Ontario sun. For gourmands there was the
exquisite and expensive restaurant, and for the av-
erage joe there was the tiny and crowded cafeteria
which served a decent 50 cent cup of coffee ina
$1.35-a-cup town.

Yes, the new National Gallery of Canada is
something of which we can all be proud. It is an
extraordinary place, the jewel in the crown of
Ottawa. With the opening of the Canadian Museum
of Civilization in 1990 across the river in Hull,
Ottawa will truly be a mecca of Canadian culture
(civil service notwithstanding).

Mike Smart

Planet ofthe Arts vol.4 no. 1

6

ASHORT NATIONAL

T\llbea

story

Thad this foot problem this month. Tt was
‘major. I got this thorn stuck in it and it got all pus-
filled and infected. Not a pleasant sight. So I went
to a doctor who sent me toa specialist who sent me
to another specialist. B.C. Medical was being
charged every time. When I got to the foot doctor's
office, the secrotary, or should I use the new
‘euphemism of the month, receptionist person,
‘greeted me with open arms and a big toothy smi
‘She was eross-eyed and I could smell laughing gas
‘on her breath. She led me to the patient-doctor
confrontation room, staggering in her party pumps.
Isat on the chair which was covered in cheap paper
and took my shoes off.

‘When the doctor walked in (an old crow) he
didn't say hello, or anything else for that matter.
He yanked my feet in the direction of the light and
started asking me if this hurt. Lexplained the
reason I was there was because [had a problem
with my other foot. Not the foot he was torturing
with a razor, a Bic lighter and a vice.

He got up abruptly and croaked, “Do you,
young punk, think I don’t know what I'm doing?”
With that he slapped me across the face twice and
‘went back to torturing the wrong foot. He then
smeared it with black guck.

“What's that?!!" I yelled in terror.

“Nothing that concerns you.”

“Hley, in case you don’t know, thatis my foot
and it does concern me” I indignantly replied,

In response, he pulled a red switch beside his
chair, which passed god knows how many volts
through my body.

“Next time keep your mouth shut” he
snapped.

‘There was no doubt in my mind that he was
the long lost Doctor Mengele. 1 got up to leave, but
as Iwas putting my sock on the mad man ques-
tioned if I had asked for permission to leave.
Glaring, he blew a whistle, and in walked this large
German nurse the size of a Luftwaffe bomber
plane. She grabbed me and began to squeeze me so
hard my eyes were bulging.

“Do you vant us to tell B.C. Medical you vere
bad boy?” she whispered,

“You people are crazy, just lke all the other
doctors I've seen.” I was sereaming hysterically,

Using her tremendous bulk as leverage she
shackled me and whipped me into a dumb waiter,
which sent me plummeting down to the basement
to.wait with all the other patients who had ques:
tioned their doctors. After innumerable amounts of
‘xray tortures and forced urine and stool samples, I
was released. Iwas 50 glad to be alive, even though
I still had my foot problem. Iwent home that
‘evening and pulled out the thorn. ‘The wound
healed in a day.

“How was your doctor's appointment?” my
room mate asked,

"Oh the usual.”

Jerry Stochansky

Finally. Finally, after more than 50 years of

promises, Canada has a National Gallery to rival,
architecturally at least, those national galleries of
London, Paris and Washington D.C. The presence
of the new National Gallery of Canada pulls
Ottawa out of the backwoods and places our
nation’s eapital on the Art World map.

Architect Moshe Saféie has designed a temple
of art of glass and steel, concrete and pink granite
that unites the Gothieness ofthe buildings of
nearby Parliament Hill with the newer,modern
Federal Government offices across the river in
Hull.

‘The new National Gallery is full of natural
light and balanced between monumental and
personal. What could have become a neo-Faseist
Warehouse is a surprisingly fun and exciting place.
Even without the art on the walls, the five buck
‘entrance fee would be worth it just so you could run
around the ramps and staircases and galleries and
garden;

‘The new National Gallery makes the Na-
tional Collection shine. Though Canada possesses a
collection that is small in size and scope compared
to the National Collections of Europe and the USA,
the layout and the arrangement of the galleries of
the National Gallery makes our one Van Gogh and
ot group ofthe Group of Seven lok ikea basin

Contemporary Canadian Art realy gets the
room to breathe in the new National Gallery.
Currently, installations are being presented in
‘most ofthe space designated for contemporary art.
Emily Carr College of Art and Design is repre-
sented with works by Dennis Burton, Gary Lee-
Nova, David Rimmer, Sara Diamond and Lorna
‘Boschman (not to mention Emily Carr). Film and
‘video both have prominent places in the National
Gallery collection. Videos are shown in a perma-
‘nent viewing room and film series are running

‘every weekend in the Gallery's theatre.

tm @

LLERY

‘The hit of the summer at the National
Gallery was the Degas Exhibition. This exhibition
was jammed packed right up until the closing day.
‘The coup of this exhibition were several works that
hhad never been shown before. Degas’ life and work
were richly represented by the enourmous amount
of paintings, drawings and pastels that filled large
rooms. Whereas many retrospectives offer you only.
snack, the Degas exhibition was a full course
‘meal. From his earliest paintings of his Italian
relatives to his ballet dancers and racetrack scenes,
the exhibition offered the chance to view Degas’
progress from academic realism to his own personal
‘impressionism.

‘There was something for everyone at the
National Gallery this summer. For those of a more
contemporary bent there were sexually explicit
videos and neo conceptual installations. For the
‘more traditionalist among us there were Degas,
that group of Seven, and a Van Gogh iris( just one )

For people who find art boring and dull there was
the architecture ofthe place to keep you occupied
while your parents took in some culture. For
{gardeners there was the bizarre landscaping based
‘on the Northern Tundra, shrivelling under the hot
Central Ontario sun. For gourmands there was the
‘exquisite and expensive restaurant, and for the av-
‘erage joe there was the tiny and crowded cafeteria,
‘which served a decent 50 cent cup of coffee in a
$1.95-a-cup town.

Yes, the new National Gallery of Canada is
something of which we can all be proud. It is an
extraordinary place, the jewel in the crown of
Ottawa. With the opening of the Canadian Museum
of Civilization in 1990 across the river in Hull,
Ottawa will truly be a mecea of Canadian culture
(Givi service notwithstanding).

Mike Smart