At $59955 |
.\
iy \
$99$95$ WN
yy $$$$$$
ttit $$$$$$

tttt Y $$$$$$

at $$$$$$
batt $98885 MN
titt

ZL. $88888

A Letter to Adam, Eve, the Snake, and the Tree of Knowledge
About the Government, Saying "An Airmiles Card Ain’t Gonna

Stop the Bum Rush, Homes."

By Carter Hayes
Illustrations by Chloe Perron

Zee
Ze

: $9885
LA
Dg $5888
LASS
\Z $9889
i
es $9559

\\

Ef,

‘ZB Vi fe J), ss3sss
‘ZA yy $5998
ZZ Yj
OM Hf
EZ
DY
{ZZ

WAss

\\\
SN

~-

Being a person with artistic or literary interests
who disregards conventional standards of behav-
ior, | believe white people are the result of an
extraterrestrial nuclear explosion 50,000 years
ago. It might have something to do with the lost
city of Alantis, Germany, Latin, Disney, Mozart, or
Britney Spears, who knows? All | know is he who
controls the past controls the living present, and
therefore the future. Speaking of which, there was
a Simpsons! episode about the Illuminati! | caught
the tail end. They've gone totally mainstream. All
they have to do now is put out a live album and
they've made it! They'll be huge! The world is their
oyster. They've been planning for global domina-
tion for who knows how long and everybody is
just realizing it now. The world’s superpowers in a
constant state of war and all | want is a decent
cup of coffee.

Are you borderline? Bipolar? A proud sponsor?
One more question: Are you down? Because the
way | figure it you're either part of the solution or
you're part of the problem. That's it. That's all
there is. That's all that really matters. What about
you? Can you justify yourself? Do you really know
why you're at art school? If not, my advice is get
out now and sponge off your parents as long as
you can. What else are parents good for? If
you're reading this and thinking to yourself, "I'm
not white." Remember where you are. So you're
not white, but you might as well be because