ANXIETIES december 1997 / planet of the arts 37 Militar Complex Recounting the Ws politics of peace. ANAT Not much ever changed in ILLUSTRATION BY TED TOZER that village. Every morning peo- ple got up and went off to the town or to their fields. If it was a good day the old lady next door would bring us some homemade donuts, or her husband would sneak us some plum moonshine. Most of the time I just wanted to go home. I felt totally out of place. There I was: a U.N. Sy soldier with a regulation baseball by Alexander Duff ar was always. something I associated with Vietnam or Korea, or with my grandfather who didn’t like to talk about it very much. I never imagined that I'd actually go to one. I never thought about what I would be getting myself into, 1 don’t suppose most people ever do. I remember the landscape most of all. We arrived in Croatia in early fall when the leaves were changing and the light was quite beau- tiful. The colours were soft and even the road had a tranquil sheen to it. Everything was oddly peaceful and quiet. I'll never forget the rolling hills with the farmer’s fields and the country towns with the bombed out houses. We’d pass rows of them — these beautiful little homes, some perfectly intact and others reduced to rubble. It was quite surreal, like some giant’s sadistic checkers game. For three months, I lived next to one of these ruined houses, but I never went near it. The mines made it too dangerous to walk on the grass, so | quickly developed an instinct to stay on the pavement. The image of stepping on a land mine and blowing off my foot, or my leg, or my balls... it wasn’t that difficult to picture. Two of my friends were in a vehicle that hit a mine. They were lucky, they didn’t get hurt, but the driver had to be flown back to Canada — his face was cut badly. This happened right at the start of my tour and I think it really sobered me up. After that I was really conscious of everywhere I stepped. When I went on leave, and even afterwards when | came back to Canada, I couldn’t stand on anything but asphalt. I had developed this strange habit of hesitating before setting foot on any kind of natural ground. Another habit I came home with was never telling people I had been there in the first place. I just have a sense that most people in Canada, most young people in particular (especially in art school), will stereotype me or avoid me. When I do tell someone where I’ve been, they usually ask something like, “Why would you want to do something like that?” or, “Did you kill anyone?” When I say no, peo- ple seem strangely disappointed. I spent most of my time at checkpoints, searching cars. We didn’t try very hard to find anything — a quick look in the trunk and the glove box and that was it. Hundreds of vehicles passed our check- point everyday and after a while it got so boring that it became hard to care. It’s amazing how stressful boredom can be. We worked twelve-hour shifts struggling just to keep warm and awake. I remem- ber it seemed like I was going to be there forever. People usually ask, “Did you kill anyone?” cap and heaps of rations and a very good paycheque; and all I did was stand around with a rifle in the middle of a bombed out town after the whole bloody conflict had already come and gone. What was the point? What was the point of taking over the town and searching everyone’s cars and generally pissing everybody off? It only took about a week to realize that most of the Croatians hated us, and it only took a few more weeks before I started to hate them back. On Christmas Day someone threw a grenade in our compound, but no one was hurt. We tried, but we couldn't find out who did it — no one would tell us. It was probably the owner of the land we were liv- ing on. The U.N. hadn't paid his rent in over a year. The battalion Commanding Officer told us before we left that we were going to Croatia to stop the war and help the people rebuild their lives. For myself, I know that I had other reasons. to go. I was young and restless and looking for something more exciting than text books and final exams. I guess I thought it would be an adventure. I'd never seen war as something that was either right or wrong. Sometimes the reasons for fighting are legitimate and sometimes they’re not. I think there’s usually a good side and a bad side, and one thing that never changes — a lot of people go off to fight and a lot of people die. When the spring came we went on alert. The Croatian army was getting ready to launch an attack, but we didn’t know where. My pla- toon was sent south to a small Serbian enclave that the Croatians had declared belonged to them. Our orders were simple: if the Croatians were to attack, return fire and with- draw all the way to the Hungarian border. The idea of running away made the whole thing feel like a bit of a joke. But at the same time, there I was, digging a trench in the middle of the night, in a war zone... a trench that I was supposed to fight from. For two months nothing happened. We lived in a small aban- doned train station and kept warm at night by burning the floor- boards. We played a lot of cards and board games and got to know some of the local people, especially the children. My Section Commander befriended one little girl in particular who reminded him of his daughter back home. Overall, I think the Serbians were glad we were there — they thought we would protect them. We never did, though. That summer, after we left, the Croatian army overran the area and occupied it. It’s easy to imagine what happened to the people who lived there. I didn’t find out about Croatia’s aggression until last summer. I couldn't believe it. It made me realize that my whole tour had been for nothing. All that time I spent in that enclave was futile — the Croatians just walked right in. I know the reasons that allowed this to happen have nothing to do with me, or my battalion, or with the army in general, but I still get angry about it. ] now know (which I probably should have before) that the U.N. is a political organization before it’s an humanitarian organization. It’s easy to feel like you're doing the right thing when you put on a blue beret and_call yourself a “peacekeeper”. Your family tells you how proud they are and the generals tell you how important you are. But in actual fact, as a soldier you have little freedom to do anything other than what youre told. You have to trust in the integrity of the officers and the motivations of the politicians who command you. I’ve seen enough things in the media about how screwed up. the Canadian army is these days, and none of it surprises me. For over thirty years Parliament has cut and shredded the military budget to the point where soldiers ride around in vehicles older than they are. We could never manage to fight in a real war, so instead we take up the banner of “peacekeeping” and gallantly offer ourselves up to whatever situation the U.N. deems important enough to become involved in. The Canadian army is so small and so ill equipped that I honestly wonder why we bother having an army at all. Still, when people ask me if I’m glad I went, I say yes. And beyond that, when people ask me if I would go back, I again say yes. The potential is there to do a lot of good, and in some cases the U.N. real- ly has made a difference. Despite how the government, the media, and the U.N. itself, seem to have turned “peacekeeping” into some kind of partisan tool, I do feel that it can work. I know that if I went back I would be more conscious of why I was going and I know that I would feel compelled to try to make more of a difference than I did before. In Croatia, the Canadians had a saying: it’s worth it to be here if we save just one life. oO) WANTED CURRENT JOB Sales clerk, freelance janitor. SKILLS Photography, performance art, installation art IDEAL JOB Rock star. fm J. MCLAUGHLIN, \ EMILY CARR INSTITUTE 1993-97 re vy MFP REAL JOB PHONE 844-3861 TO HELP ANXIETIES december 1997 / plonet of the orts 37 Ay, ae by Alexander Duff ar was always something I associated with Vietnam or Korea, or with my grandfather wo didn like to talk about it very mu ‘never imagined that actually goto one. 1 ‘ever thought about what L would be geting myself int, | dont suppose most people ever do. I remember the landscape most of al, We arrived in Croatia in carl fll when the leaves were changing and the light was quite Beau ful The colours were soft and even the oad had a tranquil sheen to it Everything was oddly peaceful and quiet. lever forget the rolling hills with the farmer’ lds and the countey towns withthe ‘bombed out houses. Wed pas rows of them homes some perfectly intact and others reduced to rubble, It was au these bea litle sured like som jan’ sadistic checkers game. For three months, ved next to one ofthese ruined houses, but Inever we ear. The mines made it too dangerous to walk onthe rss, so quickly developed an instinct to stay on the pavement. The image of stepping ona land mine and Bowing off my fot, or my leg, ‘or my alls. t wast that dificult o picture. Two of my fiends were in a vehicle that hit amine. They were lucky, they didnt get hu ‘Canada is face was cut badly This happened right atthe start of my tour and but the driver ad to be flown bick to hink telly sobered me ‘up. Afler that I was realy conscio, ‘of everywhere 1 stepped. When went on leave, and even afterwards when 1 came back to Canad, asphalt. had developed this strange habit of hesitating before sting foot on any kindof natural ground, ‘Ano ‘couldnt stand on anything but per habit came home with was never telling people I had len there nthe First place just hve a sense that most people ia Canada, most young people in particular (especially in art shoo), will serotype me or avoid me When 1 do tll somone where Ive ben they usually ask somthing iks,"Why would you want to-do something ike that” or,“Did you kil anyone?" When I ayo, peo plescem strangely disappointed 1 spent most of my time at checkpoints, searching car. We didnt nd anything love box and that was it. Hundreds of vehicles passed our check the trunk and the 8 quick lok in Point everyday and after a while it got so boring that it became hard to cate I's amazing how stesfl boredom can be. We works twelve shour shifts struggling jst to keep warm bert gemed lke Iwas going to be thet nd awake remem People usually ask, “Did you kill anyone?” Not much ever changed in 00d dy the ol Indy next door Id bring us some homemade donuts, orher husband woul sneak us some plum moonshine. Mos of the time just wanted t go home. lt totally out of place. There I was: a UN, soldier with a regulation baseball ‘ap and heaps of rations and a very good paycheque; and all id was stand around with rifle in the middle of « bombed out town ater the whole bloody confit had already come and gone. ‘What was the point? What was the point of taking over the town and searching everyone’ cars and generally pissing everybody off I only took about a week o realize that most of the Croatians hated ws, and it only took few more wecks before I started to hate them back, (On Christmas Day someone threw a grenade in our compound but ro one was hurt, We tried, but we couldn't find out who did it~ no ‘ne would tell us. It was probably the owner ofthe land we wer li ing on. The U ‘The batalion Commanding Officer tld ws before we lf that we hada paid his retin over year were gong to Croatia to stop the war and help the people rebuild hee lives. For myself, know that I had other reasons to go. I as young and rete an looking for something more exciting than txt books and final exams. gues thought it would be an adventure. a never seen war as something that was either right or wrong. Sometimes the reasons for fighting ae legitimate and sometimes, they're not think there's usually good sde and aad side and one thing that never changes ~ lot of people go off to ight and alt of people de ‘When the spring came we went on alert. The Crotin army was _eting eadyt launch an attack, bt we dt know where. My pa toon was sent south toa small Serbian enclave thatthe Croatians had declared belonged to them. Our orders were simple if the Croatians were to attack, return ie and with rae all the way to the Hungarian border. The idea of running away ‘made the whole thing fel ikea bit ofa joke. But atthe same time there Iwas, digging trench inthe middle ofthe night, in a war zone. tench that I was supposed to fight For two months nothing happened. We lived in a small aban donc ten station and kept warm at night by burning the Noor boards. We played lot of cards and board games and got to know some of the local people especially the children. My Section ‘Commander befriended one lite girl in particular who reminded Ih of his daughter back home. Overall | think the Serbian were lad we were there~ they thought we would protect them. We never 4d though That summer we le the Croatian army overran the area and occupied it Is easy to imagine what happened tthe poople eho lived ther 1 did’ find out about Croats aggression unt last summer. 1 couldnt believe it It made me realize that my whole tour ha been for nothing Al that time I spent in that enclave was fate ~ the Croatians jst walked ight in. 1 know the reasons that allowed this to happen have nating to do with me, or my battalion, or withthe Militar Complex Recounting the politics of peace. sill get angry about tH now know (hich 1 probably should have before) tha the U.N. ia political organization It's cay to fee ike yout doing the right thing when you put on a blue beret and-call yourself a“peacekeeper Your family tells you how proud they are and the generals tell you how important you ae other than what youre told, You have to trust in the integrity ofthe the politcians who command you Tve seen enough things inthe media about how screwed up the Canadian army is these days, and none of it surprises me. For over thirty’ years Parliament has cut and shredded the mitary budget v0 the point where soliers ride around in vehicles older than they ae ald never manage to fightin areal wat, so instead we take up the banner of peacekeeping” and gallantly offer oursees up to whatever situation the UN. deems important enough to become involved in. The Canadian army is so small and soil equipped that honestly wonder why we bother having an army at all Sill when people ask me ifm glad I went, say yes. And beyond that, when poopl ask me if 1 would go back, 1 again sy yes. The potentials there todo Jt of good, and in some cases the UN. rel Iy has made adifeence. Despite how the government, the medi, and the U.N, itself, seem to have turned “peacekeeping” into some kindof partan tool, do feel that it can work know that if went buck would be more conscious of why I was going and I know that I would fel compelled to ty to make more ofa dfeence than I did before In Croatia, the Canadians hada saying: it’s worth itt be here i swe sve just one lie, WANTED REAL JOB