CAPRICORN
Capricorns eat anything cuz their
symbol is the goat. Today is a good

day to ask for a promotion and a raise.

You've worked hard enough | see.
Getting fired is a learning experience.
Famous capricorn: Isaac Asimov.
Such sideburns are typical of
Capricorns, however, they may not
appear on face.

TAURUS

Are you always this greedy? Or just
now? Haha, just kidding! we know
you're always this greedy!

The Red Baron was a Taurus.

sp.

LIBRA

Libras are procrastinators generally. If
you see someone sleeping on a bus,
it's probably a Libra. Libras are also
nervous people and they sweat a lot.
If someone smells badly it's probably a
Libra.

Famous Libra? John Lennon. Musta
been a fluke.

AQUARIUS

In half an hour you will see an old man
with a cap standing outside. You must
approach him and ask him for his
money. He will give you an insightful
response. This is all | can reveal. Go!
A famous Aquarian would be Rasputin.

GEMINI

Some Geminis actually have 2 faces.
Usually when you see someone talking
to themselves they're actually a Gemini
and they're talking to their other face.
Yes, it's gross but at least they don't
smell like a Libra.

Sexy Jessica Tandy.

Welcome to The Near Future. The future may be a scary place nowadays without a little guidance so
as you continue your earthly voyage towards death | will be here to make mystic statements and

cosmic suggestions to aid you. Intense cosmological study has allowed me to peer into the facets of
reality, bringing you help and love form other worldly sources. boo!

VIRGO

It's your month virgo and what a great place to be! Isn't it great?? Isn't it neat? You are of the
earth element, you fertile dog you, and your symbol is the virgin. If only that were still true. But
don't worry about that because sex is nature's way of saying you were horny. Virgos are
generally secretive and dreamy. Your fantasies should be kept secret because Huey Lewis is no
longer popular. Also, if anyone is reading this who is not a virgo, remember: Virgos are hiding

something, probably about you.
A famous Virgo is George Wallace.

SCORPIO

Scorpios special cosmic body areas
include the bladder and the urethra.
No joke.

No famous Scorpios yet.

PISCES

Well, can't find anything wrong here.
Except for that fishy smell...

A famous Pisces is Dr. Seuss.

CANCER

Well, you're a horrible disease that's
killed millions of people. At least
modern science is at your feet.

eal

SAGITTARIUS

I see... | see... Harpo Marx.

The most well known sagittarius there
has ever been.The sagittarian colour is
Denim Blue. In fact, many sagittarius
are cowboys. And vice versa of
course.

ARIES
Aries are untamed. Irrational and wild
eyed. If you're going to sleep with
someone you don't know, make sure
they're not an Aries cuz you'll get hurt.
And Aries, tell people you're an aries.
No one likes to be fooled. Famous
Aries: Boss Tweed.

LEO

what a force Leo is. Harmony and
satisfaction. Everything's good this
month. Intense bloodlust though...
should get it checked out...

A famous leo would be...

Billy Bob Clinton.