dirt

by christy nYiri. photo panagiotis tzagaris.

Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing? They've gone and fucked miscre-
ant boys in isolated cabins while their fathers sat on the porch and cried. Or at least
so they would have us think. Because that’s really what Dirty Dancing is all about,
right? Little girl lost, torn between womanhood and playing the "baby," finds big
strong man and falls, sigh, in love. But wait! | think the real issue here is that hideous
outfit Jennifer Gray wears the first time she dances on the stage with dream man. |
guess you can't really blame her, since it’s not exactly her dress. It was that other
chick’s, the blonde one who was a former Rockette. Red looks alright on blondes, but
on brunettes it’s the equivalent of decorating your flat in Christmas decorations year
round (and I’m not knocking the green/red combo; it’s just bloody hideous unless you
have flying reindeer in your outdoor paddock. So okay, | guess | am knocking it).
Delores should have been blonde in the first place. | mean, if she’s rich, she could
have at least afforded a decent dye job. Aren't all rich people blonde? And white?
Maybe she could have dyed her hair red. Redheads are always more exciting (and |
don’t care what people say, redheads look absolutely dashing in red tones). Only
white people can naturally have red hair. | think. Adds to the aristocracy. Aryans
unite! Then again, Baby didn't care about wealth cause she'd have done anything to
help out whom she deemed the "cool kids." We can blame society! Peer pressure
runs rampant, even at summer getaways! Or wait, does that count as peer pressure?

Perhaps she was just willing to do a good deed. To further illustrate these points, |
have taken the liberty to translate both situations into terms we would better under-
stand in the 21st century:

1) Babay: Like, oh my God, you need to go traffic some weed in Langley! | don’t
want you to lose your job at Starbucks, so I'll totally learn to pop espresso shots and
take the shift you need me to cover!

2) Roxita: If you don’ take my fuckin shift, biyatch, I’m gonna pop a cap in yo’ ass.
And then I’m gonna git you fired at Starbucks. Regardless of if you don’ work there.
Word. Biyatch. Did you hear me say gat? Cause you ain’t runnin’. Biyatch. Go make
me a sandwich.

In analyzing that bit of translation, we then can deduce that the above is what is more
relevant to the movie (though, I'm sure the Rockette girl had some serious #2 under-
tones going on when she was talking to Baby). uh... needs another paragraph/all over
conciseness. Actually, you can just blame the whole situation on the promiscuous poor
girl who got knocked up by that lame guy, who she thought loved her. Hah! We can
blame love! Love is stupid, and forces Jennifer Gray to have ugly outfits.

FIN.
a)