— Ms. Manners

40 Planet of the Arts / December 1996

Pear

Dear Ms. Manners:
| have an uncle who

is very into aromather-
apy. About two years
ago, he insisted on
giving me an aro-
matherapy massage.
Thinking this would
involve rubbingoil on
my nose | thought it
would be kind of inter-
esting and possibly
relaxing. | didn’t realize
you had to be naked to

Aclave oil chest massage far brondutis

get an aromatherapy
massage. Now my
uncle is trying to TEACH
me how to do this —
using him as a subject (nb: this includes rubbing smelly
oil over my naked uncle). He’s not a pervert, but just a
little zany in his naturalism. This seems very boring and
I'm not interested. WHAT SHOULD | DO?

P.S. | need to go to my uncle’s because he has e-mail
and a scanner but want to avoid the above mentioned
stuff, so | can’t just ignore him...HELP MS. MANNERS!!!

P.P.S. | am a girl with a wicked boxing career.

diagram A

Dear Help:
Eeek! Your uncle... naked!!! He doesn’t sound like a

perv but more like a new age type. This is a tough call.
Tell him you’re more of a theorist than a ‘hands on’
type. If you really need his e-mail and scanner and he
asks you to start treating him for things like boils, warts,
or weeping eczema, be sure not to expose him to oils
with aphrodisiac effects such as ylang ylang and rose-
mary (or essence of bean which promotes flatulence). |
recommend you take a few drops of orange blossom
(for anxiety).

P.S. Aromatherapy doesn’t always = massage. A few
drops in the tub can be just as effective. If he asks you
to take a bath with him, forget the e-mail. Don’t let him
treat you for bronchitis (see diagram A).

Dear Ms. Manners:
How do | use a fork and how do | know which one to

use. Can you help me with general table manners
observed at formal dinners?
Signed, India

Dear India: ‘
During a formal dinner the server usually removes

any utensil that isn’t necessary. However, if you find the
table fully set, a good rule to remember is start from the
outside and work your way in — i.e. extreme left or
right. Just use the next utensil in for each new course.
Holding your fork in your left hand and your knife in
your right, cut each piece of your food as you eat. With
your fork remaining in your left hand, tines down, place
the food in your mouth. If you are only using your fork,
rest the knife along the right side of the plate. Use your

knife as a ‘pusher’ to get smaller morsels of
food on your plate.

When pausing between bites, rest the fork
(tines down, left) and knife (right), placed at
an angle across the middle of your plate to
form a triangle. When you are finished your
course, place the fork (tines up) and knife parallel
on the right side of the plate. Other pointers to make
note of: don’t wear gloves at the table; wait for the
host/hostess to unfold his/her napkin before you follow
suit and begin the meal only once he/she has; once
you've used
your utensils,
don’t place
them back on
the table; if
you've dropped
a utensil, just
leave it and ask
the
host/hostess for
another one;
when drinking
soup, tip the
bowl away
from you
toward the
centre of the
table - and
don’t leave
your soup
spoon in the
bowl once
you've finished... it goes in the soup dish; don’t
crumble crackers in your soup; your napkin should be
placed on your lap while eating...if you excuse your-
self during the meal, place it on your chair...after the
meal, gather it up and place it to the left of your
plate...and never, never blow your nose in your
napkin (or at the table — see letter from Lost
Appetite); don’t eat off of other guest’s plates; keep
your elbows off the table; don’t push away plates or
stack dishes after you've finished eating; don’t spit
out your food; and never, never lick your plate.

diagram B: boogers and flies

Dear Ms. Manners:
In our lunchroom at work | have two co-workers

who, after they eat their lunch, will take a napkin
and blow their noses and then proceed to clean
boogers out of their noses. | find this repulsive and it
spoils my appetite. I’m quite sure it affects others in
the same way. How do | tell these assholes to stop
without being too mean.

Signed....Lost Appetite

Dear Lost: : : :
You can be direct without being mean however, if

you want to be really mean, you could force them to
eat it. (see diag. B).

cmily carr imstitate Of art and desicn

1399 johnston st.

sranville island

Ms. Manners answers your questions about
social etiquette, sex, and matters of personal hygiene.

Bummed out by bad etiquette? Snagged about sex? Personal
hygiene have you in a quandary? Perplexed by P.C.?

Have a question that needs answering?

Submit to Ms. Manners, c/o Planet of the Arts.

Ms. Manners is a nationally syndicated column.

Cheesecake

Theatre Review and Interview

by Karen Myskiw

Upon first taste this Cheescake
seems only half baked. The ingre-
dients were there but something
was lacking.

David Goodman's production,
Cheesecake, played at the
Vancouver East Cultural Centre
during the Fringe Festival.

The play’s tone was set at it's
beginning with The Village
People’s classic song Go West.

On the stage, three tables
were spot-lit with audience
members filling two additional
tables.

The story took place over the
span of six consecutive Friday
evenings at 12:15 A.M. inside the
Cheesecake Café. 1950's pop music
played in the background.)

Elevated emotions, misunder-
standings, and petty jealousies
characterized the behavior and
actions between two friends, Jay
and Troy. The femme fatale, May,
added a little coquetery to the
rendez-vous.

Slow to unfold, the play
gained momentum in the third
vignette. Troy orders a pizza from
Domino’s and it arrives forty
minutes late, with no apology and
no free pizza. In the end, another
person in Troy’s building ended up
eating the pie. | found this sce-
nario to be funny, as it could
happen to anyone. Other
members of the audience thought
so, too.

Tijuana Brass played as the
lights faded.

While there was a lot of physi-
cal comedy and stunts, | found the
story to be a little too ‘in my face’.
But | appreciate the layers of
meaning that Goodman has tried
to create in this work. In our inter-
view, he said he had two things in
mind: the slapstick (the ridiculous
and the bizarre to warm up the
audience) and the subtleties
needed for meaningful communi-
cating to be explored in the dia-
logue.

Unfortunately, some of that
got lost in the shouting and carry-
ings on. Maybe by bombarding
the audience with such antics, the
audience was left to wonder
about other connections. I’m not
sure. There must be other ways to
enhance character development.

Still there is something which
brings me back to the Cheesecake
Café. For me it is not so much the
content of the play; it is the
person behind such a production.
An artist who will go out on a

limb to write, produce, finance
and direct something he believes
in. Someone who can make things
happen.

| had the opportunity to speak
with David Goodman in Soda’s,
one rainy evening in October to
gain insight into the character
behind the characters. Here’s a bit
of the conversation:

Who has inspired you to become a
playwright and director?

My family has been supportive.
I've always been a theatrical kid.
Originally | wanted to be a sports
reporter, but | had the opportunity
to audition for York University. It
really was a collection of a lot of
things. It all snowballs.

I'm also inspired by The
Simpsons and Seinfeld. | think
they're brilliant. While some like
to relax to the melodrama of
Chicago Hope, others are content
to see what Marge Simpson is
having for supper and join her
with a piece of Cheesecake. Who
can argue with that as long as
there’s enough strawberry sauce
to go around?

What prompted you to write

‘Cheesecake?

Cheesecake is a metaphor for
passion, that binds people togeth-
er. | was inspired by some true to
life experiences related to me by
my friends: A car chase, women,
lies and jealousy.

What is your next project?

A remount of Cheesecake. The
Fringe Festival acted as a work-
shop. The play requires another
revision of the script and more
field research. The writing gives
me satisfaction as it leads into
visual language. | could not write
a show and give it to another
director.

The remount will be a full
length show, utilizing a ‘theatre in
the round’ format. | want to
include more characters, greater
character development and
vignettes.

The audience will be involved
to a greater degree than before.
Much like we are right now: the
tables, the juke box...

Why do you do art?

It’s passion. I’m inspired by
human interaction, people,
culture. What people do.
Something in my GUT that says do
it. It's not necessarily rational.

40 Planet of the Arts / December 1996

Dear

SIMs. Manners.

Dear Ms. Manners:

Thave an uncle who
Is very into aromather
‘apy. About two years
290, he insisted on
‘iving me an aro:
‘matherapy massage,
Thinking this would
Involve rubbingeil on
‘my nose | thought it
‘Would be kind of inter-
esting and possibly
relaxing. | didnt realize
you had to be naked to
{et an aromatherapy
‘massage. Now my.
Uncle is trying to TEACH
‘me how to do this
Using him as a subject (nb this includes rubbing smelly
oil over my naked Uncle). He's not a pervert, ut just a
little zany in his naturalism. Ths seems very boring and
'¥m not interested. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

PS. Ineed to go to my uncle's because he has e-mail
and a scanner but want to avoid the above mentioned
Stuff, 0 can't jst ignore him..HELP MS. MANNERS!

PS. lam a git with a wicked boxing carer.

Achy el mesg fr beds

Dear Help:

eek! Your uncle... naked!!! He doesn’t sound like 2
perv but more like a new age type. This i a tough call
‘ell him you're more ofa theorist than a ‘hands on’
type. If you really need his e-mail and scanner and he
asks you to start treating him for things lke bols, warts,
‘or weeping eczema, be sure not to expose im to oils
with aphrodisiac effects such as ylang ylang and rose
‘mary (or essence of bean which promotes flatulence). 1
Fecommend you take a few drops of orange blossom
(or anxiety)

PS. Aromatherapy doesnt always = massage. A few
4rops inthe tub can be just as effective. I he asks you
to take a bath with him, forget the e-mail. Don't lt him
treat you for bronchitis (ee diagram A).

Dear Ms, Manners:
How do | use 8 fork and how do | know which one to
tse. Can you help me with general table manners
observed at formal dinners?
Signed, India

Dear india:
‘uring 2 formal dinner the server usually eemoves
any utensil that isn't necessary. However, if you find the
table fully set, a good rule to remember is start from the

outside and work your way in ie. extreme left or
Fight. Just use the next utensil infor each new course
Holding your for in your let hand and your knife in
{your right, cut each piece of your food as you eat. With
your fork remaining in your left hand, tines down, place
‘the food in your mouth. Ifyou are ony using your fork,
rest the knife along the right side of the plate. Use your

kenife as a ‘pusher’ to get smaller morsels of
food on your plat.

‘When pausing between bites, rest the fork
(tines down, left) and knife righ, placed at
‘an angle across the middle of your plate to
‘form a triangle. When you are finished your
course, place the fork (tines up) and knife parallel
‘onthe right side ofthe plate. Other pointers to make
rote of: don't wear gloves atthe table; wait for the
hhosthostess to unfold hisiher napkin before you follow.
suit and begin the meal only once heshe has; once
you've used
Your utensils
don't place
them back on
the table; if
you've dropped
2 utensil just

eave it and ask S€

‘another one;
‘when drinking
soup, tip the
bowl away
from you
toward the
centre of the
table~ and
don't leave
your soup
Spoon in the
bowl once
you've finished... t goes in the soup dish; don’t
‘rumble crackers in your soup: your napkin should be
placed on your lap while eating..if you excuse your-
Self during the meal, place it on your chair.after the
‘meal, gather it up and place it tothe left of your
plate..and never, never blow your nose in your
‘napkin (or at the table ~ see letter from Lost.
‘Appetite don’t eat off of other quests plates; keep
your elbows off the table; don't push away plates or
Stack dishes after you've finished eating; dont spit
‘out your food; and never, never lick your plate.

Dear Ms, Manners:

In our lunchroom at work | have two co-workers
who, after they eat their lunch, will take a napkin
land blow their noses and then proceed to lean,
bboogers out of their noses. find this repulsive and it
spoils my appetite. Im quite sure it affets others in
the same way. How do I tll these assholes to stop
without being too mean,

Signed...Lost Appetite

Dear Lost:

You can be direct without being mean however, if
you want to be realy mean, you could force them to
eat It. Gee diag 8)

wily carr jpstitate Of art and design

st

1399 johnston

Sl

granville island

Ms. Manners answers your questions about
social etiquetc sex, and matters of personal hygiene

‘Bummed out by bad etiquette? Snagged about sex? Personal
Iygiene have you in a quandary? Perplexed by BC.?

Hoare a qvetion thax needs anwerng?

Submic co Ms. Manners, c/o Planet of the Art.

Ms. Manners isa nationally syndicated column.

Cheesecake

Theatre Review and interview
by Karen Myskiw

Upon fist taste this Cheescake
seems only half baked. The igre
Giens were there but something
was lacking

‘David Goodman's production,
Cheesecake, played at the
Vancouver East Cultural Centre
during the Fringe Festiva

The pla’ tone was set at its
beginning with The Vilage
Peoples classic song Go West

‘On the stage, thre tables
‘were spot with audience
‘member filing two addtional

limb to rite, produc, finance
and direct something he believes
in-Someone who can make things
happen

Tha the opportunity to speak
with David Goodman in Sod
‘one rainy evening in October to
{ain insight into the choracter
Behind the characters. Here's abit
of the conversation:

Who has inspired you to become a
playwright and director?
My family as been supportive.

tables, ve always been a theatrical kd
The story took place over the Originally wanted tobe sports
Span of sx consecutive Friday reporter, but | had the opportunity

evenings t 12:15 AM. inside the
Cheesecake Café. 19508 pop music
played inthe background).

Elevated emotions, misunder-
standings, and petty jealousies
‘haracterized the Behavior and
Sections between two fiend, Jay
nd Troy. The ferme fatale, May,
ddded a ite coquetery to the
fendez-vous,

‘slow to unfold, the play
gained momentum inthe third
ignette. Toy orders a pizza from
Domino's and it arives forty
minutes late, with no apology and
fo feeepizzo. Inthe end, another
person in Troy’ building ended up
Eating the pe. found this se
aro to be funy, a5 it coule
happen to anyone. Other
members ofthe audience thought

to-audition for York Univers. It
Feally was a collection of ot of
things. tal snowballs

Tm als inspired by The
Simpons and Seinfeld. think
theyre brillant. While sme ike
to relax tothe melodrama of
Chicago Hope, others are content
to see what Marge Simpion
having for supper and join her
with a plece of cheesecake. Who
an argue with tht as long 3+
there's enough strawbery sauce
to go around?

What prompted you to write
Cheesecake?

‘Cheesecake sa metaphor for
passion, that binds people togeth
fr was inspiced by some tue to
Ite experiences related to me by

50, 09, ny friends: car chase, women,
Tjvana Brass played as the les and jealousy
lights faded,

‘Wile there was alot of phys:
‘al comedy and stunts found the
Story £0 be alte toon my face’
But | appreciate the layers of
‘meaning that Goodman has tried
{ocreate in this work In our inte.
View, he said he had two things in
mind: the slapstick the ridiculous
‘nd the bizarre to warm up the
‘uaience) and the sobtleties,
needed for meaningful communi:
{ating to be exploved in the da
logue.

‘Unfortunately, some of that
{got lost inthe shouting and cary
ings on. Maybe by bombarding
the uence with such anti, the
‘audience was left 9 wonder
about other connections 'm not
Sure. There must be other ways to
‘enhance character development

Stil there is something whieh
brings me back tthe Cheesecake
Cafe. For me it isnot so much the
content of the play ts the
person behind such a production,
‘An artist who wil go out on @

What is your next project?

"A remount of Cheesecake. The
Fringe Festival acted a 2 work
shop. The play requires another
Fevision of the seipt and more
field research. The writing gives
ime satisfaction a leads nto
Visual language. could not write
3 show and give it to another
Sirector.

“The remount wil be a fll
length show, tlizing 3 theatre in
the round format. want to
include more characters, greater
Character development and
vignettes.

“The auence wil be involved
toa greater degree than before.
Much ike we ae ight now: the
tables, the juke box

Why do you do ar?

es pasion im ispiced by
human interaction, people,
culture. What people do.
Something in my GUT that sys do
ie es not necesaly rational