SOS YAM Cas Hip J oN i 3 4 EPC ADE tr 2 eerie IN THE EXOTIC ORIENT — ay wxe swum Wearrivedin Shanghai after aweek and a half in China (when I say “we” I am referring to our tour group, com- posed of 34 ECCAD students, teachers and associates). Shanghai was the last stop before we returned to Vancouver and it also marked the end of 4 nights of non-stop train travel (which included sleeping on trains, eating train food and using train toilets.) Most of us were sick to our stomaches, sick of travelling, and sick of each other. Half of us were glad to be in Shanghai to see the Shanghai Animation Festival and the other half of us were just glad to see a bed that didn’t move at 100 kilometres an hour. As to myself, I was feeling as fine as one could feel after a night of drink- ing cheap warm Chinese beer on the top bunk of a moving train. There didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary as far as my head and stomach were concerned. By the time the bus driver found our hotel and-we managed to cut through the confusion at the front desk of the hotel (a constant problem we ran into was that everywhere we went,even though we had made arrangements a good four months in advance, our arri- val was always met with a good deal of surprise and confusion) I was feeling as normal as one could after a 2. week VOL.4 NO.6 1989 BLVD IOH-S3SAVH NNVHS pack- age tour through one of the _ largest countries on Earth. I had a shower, David and I had some tea (there was a cockroach doing the back- stroke in mine), then we had some brandy (and another cockroach),and then we went down for din- ner. Everyone looked cleaner and slightly less tense and we all had stories about the great rooms we had, even with the cockroaches. Sharon, Veda and Melody got an entire two bedroom suite and got so ex- cited abouthav- ing it that they polished off two bottles of Chi- nese Brandy in five minutes. Then they passed out. They didn’t come to dinner that first night in Shanghai though the next day at breakfast they quietly told us again of their luxury suite. It was this same breakfast that is the number one suspect in my mysteri- ous illness. Perhaps the eggs should have been cooked a little longer, or at least until they were semi-solid. Or maybe it was the Mystery Meat that we were supposed to pretend was ham or bacon. Or maybe it was that quasi-muf- fin we bought on the street as we were walking to the Shanghai Animation Fes- tival. It is funny how misfortune always strikes when you least expect it. Per- haps half the shock of being hit by a bus is that you didn’t really expect it, and now your whole day’s schedule is out of whack, along with your hip. At first I thought that “funny feeling” was just a reaction to the animation but then, when I began to hallucinate, I realized some- thing was wrong. What still amazes me about my hallucinations during the first half of the midday showing of The Shanghai Ani- mation Festival was that I thought I was back on the train. I began to get really sleepy and so I said to myself, ““ Well, T'll just climb over this railing here and crawlinto the top bunk.” Just asI was about to climb into the top bunk, the lights in the theatre went onto signal the intermission. I found myself stand- ing at the railing of the upper balcony, looking down at the heads of the audi- ence below. I decided that It would be best if I stayed away from high places, so I left the theatre to go back to the hotel. Like many a seasoned traveller I had a local map with me, but I had lent it to an unseasoned traveller in our group. Luck- ily, being a former Boy Scout, I knew howtouse the sun to guide myselfout of the forest. Unfortunately, there is no forest in downtown Shanghai. Ilater learned Shanghai streets tend not to run parallel, but are curvilinear. I proceeded to walk away from the the- atre, with my Western sense of order, in the direction of the hotel, in a straight line down what looked to be a straight street. Perhaps if] had not been halluci- nating and maybe if my stomach hadn’t been cramped I might not have gotten lost. Luckily it was midday so I knew that I had a good 6 hours for the ski patrol to find me if I could only make it back to the chairlift without being eaten _, by bears. It was a good thing I had bought a - Chinese phrase book, which enabled me to order Opera tickets over the phone. I shouldhave spent a little bit more money and got the phrase book with those extra useful phrases like “ Help me, I’m hal- lucinating” and “T’m lost — where is the Cockroach Hotel ?” Actually I wasn’t really lost, it was just that, because I took a wrong tum here and a wrong turn there, what should have takenme twenty minutes took four hours. One of the brighter points of being lost and halluci- nating at the same time was that I got to see some of the sights of Shanghai that not even the local residents know exist. I managed to skirt a mammoth construction site and I wormed my way past one of the most congested shopping areas in the world (atrush hour, too) and [arrived back at the hotel just as every- one else who had been at the theatre did. When I got into my hotel room it really hitme. I began to shake and sweat and even though I had this fever I felt really cold. I got into bed fully clothed and wearing my jacket, my gloves a toque and a scarf. I was still coldsoI got up and took the covers off David’s bed. David, meanwhile, was enjoying a bubble bath. Later on he recollected to me how he heard me chanting in Chi- nese and then began to get this funny feeling that I was going to come into the bathroom and throw a plugged-in lamp into his bubble bath. This is amorbid yet ‘ amusing coincidence, because as I was lying in bed sweating and shaking I did, in fact, feel this wild urge to go into the bathroom and throw alamp into David’s bubble bath. But instead I got up and blew my nose. I put some more clothes on and decided to go downstairs and eat something. At this point I didn’t connect my illness with anything I had eaten. I just thought it was the flu. But then, I was hallucinating like a hippie, so I really should not have listened to my own judgement. As luck would have it, even though I was unfit to operate heavy machinery (such as a stapler or a ballpo- int pen), my timing could not have been better. We got down to the dining room and surprise, surprise the hotel staff claimed that there was no group of Canadians staying in the hotel. One of the teachers in our group argued with them, stating that there was a group of Canadians and we were it and we were hungry. After about half an hour of East Westnegotiations, we finally convinced the dining room manager that we ex- isted. Perhaps our sheer volumes con- vinced them, as at this time there were 34 or so very hungry Canadians occupy- ing a waiting area designed for approxi- mately 6 slightly hungry communists. While we were all waiting as patiently as a group of 34 tour-grouped-to-death students possibly could, I began to think of ways to get over this rather discom- forting illness that racked my body. In hindsight, I guess my body just couldn’t wait for a solution and decided to take things into its own hands (so to speak). Just as someone started to ask my opinion on the Animation that we (well, most of the group anyway) had seen that afternoon, it hitme. Orrather, it hit my stomach. I hit the washroom ~ and then “it “hit the wall, just above the toilet. My second impersonation of Linda Blair playing the role of Regan in the Exorcist managed to actually hit the toilet. Unfortunately someone had po- litely left the seat down. Upon exiting the washroom(leaving behind two, ex- tremely startled Chinese gentleman frozen in fear at the urinals), I passed the word around that the men’s room was “ out of order “ I felt a lot better and decided to eat a small bowl of noodle soup to keep from becoming dehydrated. By this time our group had been seated, so I joined thenearest table andhad alittle of this and a little of that,(but none of those because my stomach was still a little touchy). I tried to relate my ordeal in the bathroom to those at the table, but no one seemed to want to hear about it while they were eating. I accepted their sensitivity to certain subjects andhelped myself to some noodle soup. After an intense half day of suici- dal/murderous hallucinations and acute gastrointestinal distress, a nice big bowl of world famous Shanghai noodles would be just what the doctor (had there been one) would have ordered. It was great (even with the cock- roach). crawlinwothetopbunk'" Just shouldnot aslwasabouttoclimbintothetopbunk, have listened to my own pack- thelightsinthetheaewentontosignal judgement. As luck would have it, age "tour theinfermission, [found myself stand-_eventhoughI wasunfitteoperatcheavy through one of ing atthe railing of the upper balcony, machinery (suchas astaleroraballpo- the — Targest looking down at the heads of the audi--_intpen), my iming could not have been counties on cnebelow. beter Enh. Thala Teed att would betet if We gt down othe dining oom Shower, Divid stayed awry fom high places, s0TleR and supe, supric the hol ta — : tnlliadwome ethatetogobacktotehot! Like clined that thre was n0 grup of = , tEa(herewarsmanyascarnedtevellr Thad alot Canadians staying inte otel. One of ZF SS cockroach map with me, but I had lent it to an the teachers in our group argued with SNS Going heback- unsesoneduavllerinow group. Lock: them tating that here was group of \ Gig strokeinmine), ily, being a former Boy Scout, [knew Canadians and we were it and we were then we had howtousethesuntoguidemyselfoutof hungry. Aftrabouthalfanhour of East some brandy the forest Unfortunately, there is no Westnegotiations wefinally convinced (and another forest in downtown Shangh the dining room manager that We ex cockrosch)and _IisterleamnedShanghsisteetstend sted. Perhaps our sheer volumes con- then we went nottormnparllel,butarecurvlinear. I vinced them, as at this time there were down for din- proceeded 10 walk away from the the- 34orsovery hungry Canadians occupy- net, Everyone ate, withmy Westemsense of order,in ing awaiting area designed for approxi- Tooked cleaner the direction of the hotel, in astaight mately 6 slightly hungry communists. andslightlyless line down what looked tobe a straight While we were all waiting as patiently tenseandweall street. PethapsifThadnotbeenhalluci- a5 group of 34 tour grouped-o-death had stories ifmy stomachhadn't __stadens possibly could, [began to think about the great ight ot have gotten of ways to get over this rather discom- rooms we had, lost. Luckily it was midday so Tknew frtng illness that racked my boy. feven with the that Ihad a good 6 hours for the ski Ta hindsight, [guess my body just ‘cockroaches, patrol find meifTeouldonly make t__ couldn't waitforasolution and decided Sharon, Veda backto thechairlit without being eaten _ to tke things into its own hands (6010 ‘andMelody got by bears. speak). Just as someone started 1 ask tn entire two __Itwasagoodthing Thad bought my opinion on the Animation that we ‘bedroom suite Chinesephrasebook, whichenabledme (well, most ofthe group anyway) had and got s0 ex- toorder Operaticetsoverthephone, I seenthataftemoonithitme. Orrather, jabouthay-shouldhavespentalitlebitmoremoney it it my stomach. I hit the washroom ing it that they and gotthephrase book withthoseextra__andthen""t“hithe wal, justabove the polishedofftwo useful phrases like“ Helpme,['mhal- wilet.. My second impersonation of bottles of Chi- Iscinating"and“T'mlost—whereisthe Linda Blairplaying theroleof Reganin nese Brandy in Cockroach Hotel" Actually I wasn't the Exorist managed to actallyhitthe five minutes. really lost, it was just that, because T toile. Unfortunately someone had po- Then they wokawrongtumhereandawrong tum lity left the seat down. Upon exiting passed out. thereywhatshouldhavetskenmetwenty the washroom(leaving behind two.ex- ‘They didn’t minutes took four hours. One of the wemely starled Chinese. gentleman come to dinner brighterpointsofbeinglostandhlluci- frozen infearatthewrinals), passed the that first night nating atthe same time was that goto word around thatthe men’s room was jin Shanghai see someof the sights of Shanghai that“ outof order though thenext — noteven the local residents know exist Tfeltalotbetterand decided teat dayatbreakfast ‘I managed to skirt a mammoth a small bow! of noodle soup to keep theyquellytold construction site and T wormedmy way from becoming dehydrated. By this uusagainofiheir pastoneofthemosteongestedshopping time our group had been seated, so T sees Soccccmiaahs some marie! names Rebeca Saas eee Saas Gamo a ae eee Sees tipecmne salem Secoeoet Spleen mires Recs Secs penemean Sones Sree ear eee See: sca saree IW THEEXOTIC ORIENT tywesu Ecesmemtne Suttecemine “Loretto David, meanwhile, was enjoying a dal/murderous hallucinations and acute tial ‘bubble bah. Later one recollected to gastrointestinal distess ance bigbowl This funny how misfortune always me how he heard me chaning in Chi- of world famous Shanghai noodles < _WearrivedinShanghaiatteraweck As tomyself, Twas feeling as fine suikes when you least expect it. Pet- nese and then began to get this funy wouldbejust what the doctor (had there = and ahalfinChina(when say“we" I asone could feel after anight of drink-hapehalfthe shock of beinghithy abus _feclingthatI was oingtocomeintothe been one) would have ordered am refering to our tour group, com-_ingcheapwarmChinesebeeronthetop is that you didn't realy expect it and bathroom and throw apluggedinlamp, __It was great (even withthe cock- of posedof 4 ECCAD students, teachers bunk of a moving train. There didn't nowyourwholeday'sscheduleisoutof _intohisbubblebath. Thisisamorbidyet roach) {- andassociaes), Shanghai was the last. seemto be anything outof the ordinary whack, along with your hip. At fst I "amusing coincidence, because as Iwas stop before we retumed 1o Vancouver as far as my head and stomach were thought that "funny feling” was just a ying inbedsweating and shaking did, ig anditalsomurkediheendof4nightsof _concemed. By the time the bus driver reactiontotheanimationbutthen, when i fac, feel this wild urge wo go into the it non-stop train travel (which included found ourhoteland-we managed io ext | hegan to hallucinate, [realized some- _ bathroom and throw alampinto David's in sleeping ontrains, eating ainfood.and through the Confusion at the front desk thing was wrong, bubble bath. But instead I got up and h. usingltaintoilets) Mostofusweresick ofthe hotel (aconstantproblem weren What sill amazes me about my blew my nose. Ipatsome more clothes 1 toourstomaches,sickof travelling, and infowasthateverywhere we wenteven allucinaionsduringthefisthalfofthe onand decided o go downstairs andest et sickofeachother. Halfofus were glad though we had made arrangements a jnidday showing of The Shanghai Ani- something ‘4 to be in Shanghai to see the Shanghai good four months in advance, our arti- jmaion Festival was that thought was At this point didn’t connect my st Animation Festivalandtheotherhalfof val was always met witha good dealof ack onthe train. Ibegan to getreally illness with anything Thad eaten. just F- uswere just gladtosceabed that didn't surprise and confusion) was fesling aS sleepy and so I said to mysell," Well, thought it was the fu. But then, I was ‘move at 100 kilometres an hour. normal as one could after a 2 week [just elimbover this railing here and hallucinating like a hippie, so T really Bal