Planet of the Arts Volume 7 Issue 3 Planet Horoscope Mouthwash ARIES (March 21 - April 20) Sometime this month you'll lose your temper soooo BAD that you will run into the kitchen, grab the largest knife you can lay your eyes on, and proceed to chop up a carrot. Then you will grab Fido and ... then you'll grab the cat and... ( You may be someone worth avoiding this month if you don’t control your temper.) TAURUS ( April 21 - May 21) Gee, you’re sensitive this , month. I won’t go pissing in your cornflakes. I really shouldn’t say anything due to the danger involved. Per- haps take a pill, eat a brownie, season your favorite sandwich with Comet. Drink a lot of whatever makes you happy and highly intoxicated. Wise advice from the Spiritual Bunny. certain you'll feel like belching out loud after watching Highlander 2. LIBRA (September 24 - October 23) You will be tempted to buy a sausage mobile this month. (VW van...) Do not buy a sausage mobile this month. I repeat, do not buy a sausage mobile this month. Itis NOT the right time to buy a sausage mobile. No way. Naught. Don’t do it. I’ve had a vision that someone born on September 25th will buy a sausage mobile and run down the silly person who writes the horoscopes for the Planet... SAGITTARIUS (November 23 - December 22) Good news. Everything is going to work out for you this month. You’ll eat regularly, the cat will stop shittingin the kitchen sink, your mom will finally write you, and you'll find a 50 dollar bill on the sidewalk. People will like you. Basically Regina’ by Amboay McNab GEMINI (May 22 - June 21) Stress, stress, stress. Boy oh boy, you’ve got your hands full rightnow. Too bad you’re NOT going to accomplish anything this month. Just thought you'd like to know. Oh and that special something you ordered has been held up in customs for a bitbecause they found toothpaste smeared all over the inside of the suit- Case... CANCER (June 22 - June 21) Take the hand you write with, left or right, or both, or both with a piece of processed cheese in between, hold out ONE finger and approach someone you’ ve had to ‘deal with’ lately. Take that finger and stick it up their nose repeatedly. This will be your secret weapon this month. If you have been annoying yourself this month, go ahead and pick your nose repeatedly. LEO (July 24 - August 23) Roar! You are a lion at the moment, go outand have a medium-rare steak, (if you are a vegetarian Leo, have a nut burger butbe sure to pour an entire bottle of ketchup all over top and around the plate...) and just bite the head off that certain someone the next time they yell at you for using their Preparation H to make art. VIRGO (August 24 - September 23) Ever feel like you’ ve got all this emotional and physical energy all bottled up inside? You know, the feeling you get when you’ve just finished drinking 4 liters of Coke? Well, this is what you should do. Go up to that special someone and give thema great big hug, and then go see Highlander 2. The hug will help you deal with all that emotional energy, and I’m a good time. Yeah right. SCORPIO (October 24 - November 22) Take care this month, Scorpio. According to the charts Pluto rules your sign for the time being. But there is something that is about to happen that no one has foreseen. A BLACK HOLE is going to sneak up behind Pluto and suck it right in. This will probably cause you to bark like a dog fora moment or so... CAPRICORN (December 23 - January 20) He he he he, snicker, he he He, snort, he he HA HAA HAAA ha HAAAA!! (Cough...) Bpffftte HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! (He-he-he) Snort, sniffle... No comment. AQUARIUS (January 21 - February 19) Boring, that is the only word that comes to mind. Nothing strange or unusual is going to happen. No aliens, no messages from the divine creator formed in clouds, no levitating cats, no dingle-balls materializing over you head. This month you will not be doing anything out of the ordinary...Yeah, right. PISCES (February 20 - March 20) Pretty much of the same thing here. I mean you have been around for quite some time, no surprising you. You’re longing for a close relationship with no heartbreaks or second guessing may or may not be fulfilled this month. You may or may not stop tippy-toeing through the clouds of your mind. You may or may not get run down by a Libra in a by Spintual Bunny sausagemobile...* 19 Planet ofthe Arts Volume 7 Issue 3 Planet Horoseope Mouthwash ARIES (March 21 -April20) Sometime this month you'll lose your temper sooo BAD that you will run into the kitchen, grab the largest knife you can lay your eyes on, .d proceed to chop up acarrot. Then you will grab Fido and ... then you'll grab the eat and... ( You may be someone worth avoiding this month if you don’t control your temper.) TAURUS ( April 21 - May 21) Gee, you're sensitive this month. I eon't go in your cornflakes. I really shouldn't say anything due to the danger involved. Per- haps take a pill, eat a brownie, season your favorite sandwich with Comet. Drink alot of whatever makes you happy and highly intoxicated. Wise advice from the ‘certain you'll feel like belching out loud after watching Highlander 2. LIBRA (September 24 - October 23) You will be tempted buy a sausage mobile this month. I repeat, do not buy a sausage mobile this month. Itis NOT the right time to buy a sausage mobile. No way. Naught. Don't doit. I've had vision that someone born on September 25th will buy a sausage mobile and run down the silly person who writes the horoscopes for the Planet... ‘SAGITTARIUS (November 23- December 22) Good news. Everythingis goingto work out for you this month, You'll ceatregularly, theeat ill stop shittingin the kitchen sink, your mom will finally write you, and you'll find « 50 dollar bill on the sidewalk. People willlike you. Basically GEMINI (May 22- June 21) Stress, stress, stress. Boy oh boy, you've got your hands full rightnow. Toobad you're NOT going toaccomplish anything this month. Justthought you'd like to know. Oh and that special something you ‘ordered has been held up in customs for abitbecause they found toothpaste smeared all over the inside of the suit CANCER (June 22 - June 21) Take the hand you write with, left or right, or both, or both with a piece of processed cheese in between, hold out ONE finger and approach someone you've had to “deal with’ lately. Take that finger and stick itup their nose repeatedly. This will be your secret weapon this month. If you have been annoying yourself this month, go ahead and pick your nose repeatedly. LEO (July 24 - August 23) Roar! You are a lion at the ‘moment, gooutand havea medium-rare steak, (ifyou are 4 vegetarian Leo, havea nutburger butbe sure to pouran entire botle of ketchup all over top and around the plate...) and just bite the head off that certain someone the next time they yell at you for using their Preparation H to make art, VIRGO (August 24- September 23) Ever feellike you've got all this emotional and physical energy all bottled up inside? You know, the feeling you get when you've just finished drinking 4 liters of Coke? Well, this is what you should do. Go up to that special someone and give them a great big hug, and then go see Highlander, The hug wil help you deal with all that emotional energy, and I'm good time. Yeah right, SCORPIO (October 24 - November 22) Take care this ‘month, Scorpio. According to the charts Pluto rules your sign for the time being. But there is something that is about to happen that no one has foreseen. A BLACK HOLBis going to sneak up behind Pluto and suck it right in. This will probably cause you to bark like a dog for a CAPRICORN (December 23 - January 20) He he he he, snicker, he he He, snort, he he HA HAA HAAA ha HAAAA! (Cough...) Bpfffut HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! (He-he-he) Snort, sniffle... No comment. AQUARIUS (January 21 - February 19) Boring, thatis the only word that comes to mind. Nothing strange or ‘unusual is going to happen. No aliens, no messages from the divine creator formed in clouds, no levitating eats, no ddingle-balls materializing over you head. This month you will not be doing anything out of the ordinary...Yeah, ight PISCES (February 20 - March 20) Pretty much of the ‘same thing here. I mean you have been around for qui some time, no surprising you. You're longing for a close relationship with no heartbreaks or second guessing may ‘or may not be fulfilled this month. You may or may not stop tippy-toeing through the elouds of your mind. You may or may not get run down by a Libra in a Sunagemobile.* i itl ay 19