fascism. Don’t be fooled by those multicoloured stratifica-
tions on the soles; you will find little on your flip-flops to dec-
orate due to the extreme efficiency with which they were
designed. Even more perturbingly pass is the sort of mod-
ernist conviction a foot in a flip-flop possesses. Instantly
upon beholding it you are aware that it is a foot.-And it has
nothing in mind other than being a foot and conveying its
fathead from place to place. It does not seek to ask questions.
It’s impermeable to metaphor. Wear flip-flops and you might
as well wear a suit too. (Though a suit could also have its
place in your closet as a form of subversive reflection, but we
digress.)

You are an artist who will span millennia. You are an
artist who has been birthed at the very high paroxysm of your
movement. As an artist here and now and in-the-know, you
want your shoes to incarnate every inbred essence of post-
modernism. And it can’t be done in a pair of flimsy flip-flops.
No, to personify your era with any authenticity at all, your
shoes must be the image of auto-digestion, of self-critical
spoil. And remember - there is no room for subtlety.

Conditioning your shoes takes time. The kind of
fecund foulness you wish to achieve is predominantly organ-
ic, but by no means wait for this to happen naturally. Starting
out with a dip in some sort of corrosive agent, False Creek
for instance, helps to soften up your footwear, making it eas-
ier to work with when you apply physical abrasion. Razors,
sanders, files, teeth, these are all fair game as instruments of
barbarity. Fire is good too, but don’t let it get carried away;
you want to focus on physical brutality at this stage. Think of
your toil as a cathartic metaphorical reciprocation of the vio-
lences and injustices perpetrated on you by your past. Take
your anger and put it to use. Let these shoes be the agent of
evil’s positive recontextualization. Tear! Gouge! Shred!
Lacerate! Don’t be afraid of being too obvious; you want
your shoes to carry their past. Even if, in your rage, you hap-
pen to compromise your shoes’ structural integrity through
some sort of separation, duct tape lends a beautiful allusion
to the idea of recycling and patching up, as does stapling and
sewing. Feel free to work and rework. This will give your
shoes a beautiful sense of history.

Your next step is to introduce your shoes to every
fathomable factor of biological decay. The best means by
which to accomplish this exposure is to utilize sources where
you know rot resides. Fill your shoes with all kinds of com-
postable substances. This may be your chance to clean out
your refrigerator and to positively recontextualize question-
able leftovers. (Give priority to things like cold cuts, mayon-
naise and stuffing.) Your possibilities are infinite.

Once you have fulfilled this task you want to seek
an appropriate container with a sound seal. A large ziplock

Daryl Kirkham

freezer bag will do, and tupperware is ideal. Seal up your
babies and store them in a warm place.

This latter point, of course, is easier said than done.
You are an art student and warm places for you are few and
far between; since at home you can’t manage the heating bill,
and at school they supplement your semblance with a simi-
lar cryonic chill that ensures your bitter disposition and the
torpid shellac of your work. Store your bundle by your apart-
ment dryer or perhaps ask at the cafeteria to have it kept
behind the fridge. If all else fails we recommend you incubate
it with your own body heat.

Expect to wait several days for the desired effect to
take hold. A good indiction that things are going well is a
slight bulging. Use all your powers of will to restrain yourself
from a hasty decanting of the unripe contents of your pack-
age, because this is the most critical stage of production. As
they sit there in their warm mouldy womb, your shoes have
become process art whose meaning is inherent in their mor-
tal movement through the paradoxical process of dying that
is life! The longer you can bear to leave them the more rid-
dled through they will be with the groping mycelia of the
fungus of their deconstruction. If you feel consumed by the
urge to bring them forth prematurely, close your eyes and
envision their lolling, rotting tongues impregnated with a
halitoses of riper reek than anything you have ever dreamed!
You must remind yourself of what you want, and what you
want is pain! Pain! And to have this pain your very founda-
tion must be a gangrenous convulsion of self-consumption!
It must tremble with the cries ofp WHY WAS I BORN?! WHY
WAS I BORN?! And it is only when this cry begins to vent
from the steamy bloat of its vessel that you’ll know that your
shoes are ready, that their advent has come!

Now there are a lot of looks out there to compli-
ment this image afforded you by your great pair of bad shoes.
Due to the physical degradation of any arch support and
cushioning your shoe might have had, you will soon be in
almost constant pain. But until then you may want to adopt
a laboured hobble to bring together your new image. You
may also want to adopt a prop, such as a cane or walker,
whose presence will reiterate your suffering.

Though generally, how you accessorize is up to
your own discretion, to dance or to in any way behave jovial-
ly would obviously compromise your intentions. Wearing
your shoes is not enough: you must embrace an entire atti-
tude, and that attitude is your art. Always remember you are
an artist, and as an artist nothing is more integral to your
image than pathos.

"The kind of fecund foulness
you wish to achieve is predom-
inantly organic, but by no
means wait for this to happen
naturally."

influ AAbgebineD Qaisbe IIA 13 6
fascism. Don't be fooled by those multicoloured stratifi
tions on the soles; you wll ind litle on your ip-lops to dee-
‘orate due to the extreme efficiency with which they were
designed. Even more perturbingly pass is the sort of mod=
femnist conviction a foot in a flip-flop possesses. Instantly
‘upon beholding it you are aware that it isa foot. And it has
nothing in mind other than being a foot and conveying its
fathead from place to place. It does not seek to ask questions.
t's impermeable to metaphor. Wear flip-flops and you might
swell wear a suit too, (Though a suit could also have its
place in your closet asa form of subversive reflection, but we
digress)

‘You are an artist who will span millennia. You are an
artist who has been birthed a the very high paroxysm of your
‘movement. As an artist here and now and in-the-know, you
‘want your shoes to incarnate every inbred essence of poste
‘modernism. And it can't be done in a pair of fimsy flip-flops
No, to personify your era with any authenticity at all, your
shoes must be the image of auto-digestion, of selfcritical
spoil. And remember - there is no room for subtlety

Conditioning your shoes takes time. The kind of
fecund foulness you wish to achieve is predominantly organ-
{c, but by no means wait for ths to happen naturally. Starting
‘out with a dip in some sort of corrosive agent, False Creek
for instance, helps to soften up your footwear, making it eas-
{er to work with when you apply physical abrasion. Razors,
sanders, files, teeth, these are all far game as instruments of
barbarity. Fite is good too, but don’t let it get carried aways
you want to focus on physical brutality at this stage. Think of
your toil as a cathartic metaphorical reciprocation of the vio-
ences and injustices perpetrated on you by your past. Take
your anger and put it to use. Let these shoes be the agent of
evils positive recontextualization. Tear! Gouge! Shred!
Lacerate! Don’t be affaid of being too obvious; you want
your shoes to carry their past. Even if in your rage, you hap-
pen to compromise your shoes’ structural integrity through
some sort of separation, duct tape lends a beautiful allusion
to the idea of recycling and patching up, as does stapling and
sewing. Feel fee to work and rework This will give your
shoes a beautiful sense of history.

‘Your next step is to introduce your shoes to every
fathomable factor of biological decay. The best means by
which to accomplish this exposure isto utilize sources where
you know rot resides. Fill your shoes with all kinds of com-
postable substances. This may be your chance to clean out
your reftigerator and to positively recontextualize question-
able leftovers. (Give priority to things like cold cuts, mayon-
naise and stuffing.) Your possiblities ae infinite.

‘Once you have fulfilled this tsk you want to seek
fan appropriate container with a sound sea. A large ziplock

freezer bag will do, and tupperware is ideal. Seal up your
babies and store them in a warm place.

‘This later point, of course, is easier said than done.
‘You are an art student and warm places for you are few and
far between; since at home you can't manage the heating bi
and at schoo! they supplement your semblance with a simi
lar eryonie chill that ensures your bitter disposition and the
torpid shellac of your work, Store your bundle by your apart
ment dryer or perhaps ask at the cafeteria to have it kept
behind the fridge. fall else fails we recommend you incubate
it with your own body heat

Expect to wait several days for the desired effet to
take hold. A good indiction that things are going well isa
slight bulging. Use all your powers of will to restrain yourself
from a hasty decanting ofthe unripe contents of your pack-
age, because this is the most critical stage of production. AS
they sit there in their warm mouldy womb, your shoes have
become process art whose meaning is inherent in their mor-
tal movement through the paradoxical process of dying that
is lifel"The longer you can bear to leave them the more rid-
dled through they will be with the groping mycelia of the
fungus of their deconstruction. Ifyou feel consumed by the
urge to bring them forth prematurely, close your eyes and
envision their llling, rotting tongues impregnated with a
halitoses of riper reek than anything you have ever dreamed!
‘You must remind yourself of what you want, and what you
‘want is pain! Pain! And to have this pain your very founda-
tion must be a gangrenous convulsion of self-consumption!
Temust tremble with the cries of WHY WAS I BORN? WHY.
WAS I BORN?! And itis only when this cry begins to vent
from the steamy bloat of its vessel that you'll know that your
shoes are ready, that their advent has come!

‘Now there are a lot of looks out there to compli-
‘ment this image afforded you by your great pair of bad shoes.
Due to the physical degradation of any arch support and
cushioning your shoe might have had, you will soon be in
almost constant pain. But until then you may want to adopt
8 laboured hobble to bring together your new image. You
may also want to adopt a prop, such as a cane or walker,
‘whose presence will reiterate your sufering

Though generally, how you accessorize is up 10
your own discretion, to dance orto in any way behave jovial-
ly would obviously compromise your intentions. Wearing
{your shoes is not enough: you must embrace an entire ati-
‘tude, and that attitude is your art. Always remember you are
fan artist, and as an artist nothing is more integral to your
image than pathos.

"The kind of fecund foulness
you wish to achieve is predom-
inantly organic, but by no
means wait for this to happen
naturally."

influx*-Magazine:) October 1999 si 13 Si