ANXIETIE december 1997 / planet of the arts 35 Ms. Manners answers questions about social etiquette and matters of personal hygiene. 36 Dear Ms. Manners 37 Military Complex Alexander Duff Killing time in Croatia. 38 Undertaking Transitions Vivian Hammell Plunging into the world of art. Personal and Prescription Solutions Contemplating Neurosis by Hannah Bates couple weeks ago I had an anxiety attack. Driving down the highway I tried a few times to jump out of the car. I was screaming, yelling, and ranting and raving. I started crying hysterically and pulling out my hair — I was thrashing all around. My boyfriend tried to pull over to phone someone for help but every time he tried-I would threaten to kill myself. Eventually 1 decided that I wanted a cigarette so I allowed him to pull into a store to get some. While he was inside I frantically tried to get it together, but I just couldn’t. I was so frustrated and angry with myself, I kept screaming and pulling out my hair. Finally, when he came back with my cigarettes I had calmed down enough to tell him to take me home. I'm nineteen years old, female, and currently a second year stu- dent at Emily Carr Institute of Art and Design. Lately I’ve been expe- riencing a lot of stress (which has nothing to do with the amount of homework I have). I can’t sleep more than three hours a night and I rarely feel like eating. I live with constant anxiety and depression. I have been feeling this way for as long as 1 can remember and with age it seems to be getting worse. When I got home the night of my anxiety attack, I called my mom and she told me to go to the hospital. It seemed like a good idea — at that point all | wanted to do was to get control of myself. I figured I was obviously crazy and needed to be institutionalized. At the hospi- tal I sat in a little room for forty-five minutes, waiting to see a doctor. When he came in he asked me some questions like “Do you want to kill other people?” and “Do you hear voices?” I said no and he gave me a glass of water and six Ativan pills (a mild sedative). He told me I wasn’t crazy and sent me home. The next day I drove down to Portland with my boyfriend. The trip was horrendous. We pulled over a lot because I kept having panic attacks. Whenever we stopped I would usually end up lying on the pavement crying and screaming until I felt I could get back into the car. Finally we arrived in Portland and my mom took me to the Crisis Triage Center. I talked to a nurse for about an hour. | wanted to be on medica- tion but I had to wait two hours to see the psychiatrist, which made me furious. | flew into a rage and started screaming and yelling and pulling out my hair. Finally someone came in and talked to me for ten minutes about medications that might help me. I was prescribed Paxil (one of Prozac’s cousins) which is used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. It’s an anti- depressant with side effects that include: nervousness, trouble sleep- ing, fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, and changes in sexual function. I was also given an anti-depressant tran- quilizer named Trazadone so I could sleep. Its possible side effects include: drowsiness, nausea, blood in urine, irregular heartbeat and in males pro- longed, unwanted or painful erections. The combination of the two drugs knocked me out and | ended up in bed for the rest of the day. The ride back to Vancouver was a long one but it gave me time to think about what had happened and where it all had come from. I have always been hypersensitive, especially towards the way other people act. I have trouble handling criticism (constructive or | live with constant anxiety and depression and lately with a lot of stress as well. not) and I can always remember terrible feelings, but lately the feel- ings have gotten more noticeable. I’ve internalized a lot of things that I should have dealt with, to the point where for the past four years I've had on and off attacks. A combination of things spurn them on. Often I get “worked up” about things that don’t really exist. When it hits me I feel isolated, frustrat- ed, helpless, and unable to perform simple tasks. What's most aggravating and frustrating is the feeling of person- al impending disaster. I feel everything from nausea to paralyzation, until I finally let it out. When I have an attack it’s like all the problems I have had in my whole life surface and fill me with tremendous fear and confusion. PHOTOGRAPH BY ALEXANDER DUFF I know what I have been dealing with is not uncommon. There is not one person I know of at school who has never been depressed. | know I’m not crazy — I’m suffering from major depression associated with anxiety. I’m trying to deal with it in a normal way. As far as I know depression is a part of life and a part of growth. I had never been to a hospital for this before and I don’t plan to go back. The medication that was prescribed to me made me feel sick, tired, emotionless, and drowsy for almost two weeks. In that period every time | took the pills I remembered how I felt when I was in the car kicking and screaming, and how embarrassing it was. I hated that, but I also knew that someone cared about me no matter how terrible I was acting. And that’s what kept me going. ©! -_~ december 1997 / plonet of the orts 35 Undertaking Transitions Personal and Prescription Solutions Contemplating Neurosis by Hannah Bates couple weeks ago I had an anxiety attack: Driving oven the highway I trie fw times to jump out of the ca. 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When he came in he asked me some question ike"Do you want 10 Kill other people” and "Do you hear voices?” | sid no and he gave rea glass of water and sx Ativan pil (a mild sedative). He tld me {wasnt crazy and sent me home The next day I drove downto Portland with my boyftiend, The tacks, Whenever we stopped I would usually end up lying on the pvement crying and screaming until fl could get back int the