through the door. A cinematic precursor to The Blair Witch Project, Holocaust presents the found footage of a few young filmmakers who venture off into a South American jungle to make a cannibal documentary. Needless to: say, it didn't go well. But where Blair Witch refrained from exposing its terror graphically, Holocaust shows you everything. This is recommended only for the very brave. Scenes to watch out for: any time a live animal enters the picture, a guide getting an impromptu amputa- tion. The Plague Dogs animated With the voices of Christopher Benjamin, James Bolam, and Nigel Hawthorne, directed by Martin Rosen. (1982) So one night me and my buddy Paul hijack the school auditorium and its projection unit (as we are often wont to do) for our own late night movie-watching shenanigans. A transplanted couch, a poorly washed photography tray filled with Blast-O-Butter popcorn, and a wee bit of the happy juice and we're all set for some fine feature filming. We typically subscribe to Charles Intestine disaster flicks, of which there are many, but this one evening in particular we opt for a cute-looking ani- mation about dogs on the lam: The Plague Dogs. Well, | don't know about Paul, but neither of my hands ever made it to the popcorn or the sauce because they were too busy trying to keep my jaw from dropping off of my head. The Plague Dogs, made by the blokes that brought us Watership Down, is the story of two dogs on the run after escaping from an animal-testing laboratory. Let me tell you, few things will put you off hygiene products quicker than seeing a black lab being repeatedly drowned and resuscitated under the auspices of product research. I'm not ashamed to say it...Paul cried. Scenes to watch out for: the terrier’s flashbacks detailing what happened to his original master, a friendly fox risking it all to help save the dogs. To Kill A Mockingbird Starring Gregory Peck and Mary Badham, directed by Robert Mulligan. (1962) Most everyone has seen this at some time or another, but if you're one of the rarities who hasn't heard of Boo Radley you really need to check it out. To Kill A Mockingbird is an incredibly resonant piece that confronts racism, class prejudice, and social justice, all as seen through the eyes of children. Damn gripping. Set in smalltown 1930s, its the story of public attorney Atticus Finch (Peck) as he is asked to defend a black man | accused of beating and raping a white woman. A really rather modern script for its time (a modern script for our time, actually), a subdued performance from the typically iron-jawed and steaming Peck, and some ultra-tense plot turns should keep you right rivetted and thinking about it for days after. Scenes to watch for: the appearance of Boo Radley (none other than Robert Duvall in his first film role ever! And he had hair!), the town priest's line “Stand up. That's your father passing.” Blue Velvet Starring Kyle McLachlan, Isabella Rosellini, and Dennis Hopper, directed by David Lynch. (1986) He found a what? He found an ear? An ear?! Excuse me? He found an ear? What the hell is that?! Scenes to watch for: a gas-sucking Dennis Hopper's first freaky appearance. Flavia The Heretic Starring Florinda Bolkan, directed by Gianfranc Mingozzi. (1974) Yeah, | reckon Flavia | can slip neatly into the realm of sexploitation, what with all its naked nuns running about being naked and all. And it's pretty gross, too. There's peo- ple getting inside cow carcass- es (or is it horse? | can't remember), and, yes, there's someone who gets skinned. But I'll tell you what. Even though | was really drunk when | saw it, and even though | did pass out for part of it, | do seem to recall there being a distorted vision of female empowerment floating © about. But hey, | was pretty drunk, so check it out for yourself. Scenes to watch out for: the aforementioned skinning (starts with a cut at the Achilles tendon and up they pull. Yeow!!) Salo: 120 Days of Sodom Starring a bunch of people that probably weren't allowed back in their own homes, let alone their countries, once this was released, directed by Paolo Passolini. (1977?) Cannibal Holocaust may share the unique honour of making me cover my eyes, but Sa/o, oh man, | had to leave the room for part of Salo. You know, just sort of wander around, have a drink of water, look at the people on the street for awhile. | was stupid enough to have eaten a big bowl of pasta right before sitting down and pressing play (with all that food at the top of my throat my gag reflex was really working hard), so | needed a bit of a breather. There's a bunch of WWII Italian fas- cists (these aren't those cutesy Italian fascists, either) who round up a group of nubile young folk and take them to some castle where they proceed to administer such severe acts of degrada- tion it's no wonder the film has a reputation to this day. It's arty, which means that a lot of the nastiness is more implied than graphic, and in this case that's far more disturbing. I'm not even going to pretend | know what the hell the point was. It was just really, really gross. Scenes to watch out for: oh, there are many, but the one that did me in began midway through the movie with a girl getting upset over the death of her mother. That's my only warning. 2001: A Space Odyssey Starring Keir Dullea, directed by Mr. Stanley Kubrick. an unfortunate soul meets the pike in Cannibal Holocaust Additional Viewing: More movies that can assault you...A Clockwork Orange (by Mr. Stanley Kubrick. Legally, | have to mention it.), Stalker (directed by Andrei Tarkovsky, who you should get to know), THX- 1138 (not George Lucas’ sound system, but his first film out of college. Watch this and then watch Howard The Duck and try and figure out what the hell happened), Apocalypse Now (a freaking masterpiece! But, like George, one must wonder what the hell hap- pened to Francis Ford Coppola. | mean, Jack? The Rainmaker? By gosh, it's inhuman), Seven (according to Natasha Féline Creed. I'll admit, it's kind of disturb- ing if you can get past Brad Pitt's whiny acting), Sweet Movie (overall, it's dull, but there are parts you will not believe. I've been informed that the only reason it isn't nationally banned is because it's a Canuck co-produc- tion. Way to go, home team!), The Celebration and The Idiots (two from the Dogma 95ers, Tomas Vinterberg and Lars von Triers. Celebration is by far the better, but both will knock your socks off), In The Company of Men (directed by Neil Labute and featur- ing one of the most evil characters to grace the screen in years. While you're at it you might as well get his follow-up, Your Friends And Neighbours), Funny Games (| almost forgot about this one, which would have been a shame. A very strange and frustrating film, but in a good way. Sort of), and Picnic At Hanging Rock (| mentioned this before in an earlier column, and if you haven't seen it yet you really ought 4 brave. I[ Most, if not all of these flicks you can find at Black Dog Video (the coolest video shack in town at Cambie and 18th. Much better than |[Videomatica). And hey, for those of you who are interested in finding more films that will make you piss yourself in fear and ecstasy, pick up an issue of Kier-La Janisse’s Cannibal Culture, coincidently on sale at Black Dog. It's a good mag with occasional nudity. _]| (1968) Everyone should have seen this movie by now, but I'm still amazed by the amount of characters | come across who haven't. What's wrong with you people? Did you just avoid the last half of the 1900s? Where's your sense of dignity? Ingrates. Scenes to watch for: well, everything. And don't watch that shitty sequel. get crazy. watch a movie that doesn't feature Bruce Willis. that Sixth Sense movie sucked. 5 @ through the door. A cinematic precursor to The Blair Witch Project, Holocaust presents the found footage of a few young filmmakers who venture off into a South ‘American jungle to make a cannibal documentary. Needless to say, it didn't go well. But where Blair Witch refrained from exposing its terror graphically, Holocaust shows you everything. This is recommended only for the very brave. Scenes to watch out for: any time alive animal enters the picture, a guide getting an impromptu amputa- tion. The Plague Dogs animated With the voices of Christopher Benjamin, James Bolam, and Nigel Hawthorne, directed by Martin Rosen. (1982) ‘So one night me and my buddy Paul hijack the school auditorium and its projection unit (as we are often wont to do) for our own late night movie-watching shenanigans. A transplanted couch, a poorly washed photography tray filled with Blast-O-Butter popcorn, and ‘a wee bit of the happy juice and we're all set for some fine feature filming. We typically subscribe to Charles Intestine disaster flicks, of which there are many, but this ‘one evening in particular we opt for a cute-looking ani- mation about dogs on the lam: The Plague Dogs. Well, | don't know about Paul, but neither of my hands ever made it to the popcom or the sauce because they were too busy trying to keep my jaw from dropping off of my head. The Plague Dogs, made by the blokes that brought us Watership Down, is the story of two dogs on the run after escaping from an animal-testing laboratory. Let me tell you, few things will put you off hygiene products quicker than seeing a black lab being repeatedly drowned and resuscitated under the auspices of product research. I'm not ashamed to say it...Paul cried. ‘Scenes to watch out for: the terrier's flashbacks detailing what happened to his original master, a friendly fox risking it all to help save the dogs. To Kill A Mockingbird Starring Gregory Peck and Mary Badham, directed by Robert Mulligan. (1962) ‘Most everyone has seen this at some time or another, but if you're one of the rarities who hasn't heard of Boo Radley you really need to check it out. To Kill A ‘Mockingbird is an incredibly resonant piece that confronts racism, class prejudice, and social justice, all as seen through the eyes of children. Damn gripping. Set in smalltown 1930s, its the story of public attorney Atticus Finch (Peck) as he is asked to defend a black man accused of beating and raping a white woman. A really rather modem script for its time (a modem script for our time, actually), a subdued performance from the typically iron-jawed and steaming Peck, and some ultra-tense plot ‘turns should keep you right riveted and thinking about it for days'after. Scenes to watch for: the appearance of Boo Radley (none other than Robert Duvall in his first film role ever! And he had hair!), the town priest's line “Stand up. “That's your father passing.” Blue Velvet Starring Kyle McLachlan, Isabella Rosellini, and Dennis Hopper, directed by David Lynch. (1986) He found a what? He found an ear? An ear?! Excuse me? He found an ear? What the hell is that?! Scenes to watch for: a gas-sucking Dennis Hopper’ frst freaky appearance. Flavia The Heretic Starring Florinda Bolkan, directed by Gianfranco Mingozzi. (1974) EJ Yeah, | reckon Flavia can slp neatly into the realm of sexploitation, what with all its naked nuns running about being naked and all. And it pretty gross, too. There's peo- ple getting inside cow carcass- es (or is it horse? | can't remember), and, yes, there's someone who gets skinned. But I'l tell you what. Even though | was really drunk when | saw it, and even though | did pass out for part of it, | do seem to recall there being a distorted vision of female empowerment floating about. But hey, | was prety drunk, so check it out for yourself. Scenes to watch out for: the aforementioned skinning (starts with a cut at the Achilles tendon and up they pull. Yeow!!) Salo: 120 Days of Sodom Starring a bunch of people that probably weren't allowed back in their own homes, let alone their countries, once this was released, directed by Paolo Pasolini. (19772) Cannibal Holocaust may share the unique honour of making me cover my eyes, but Salo, oh man, | had to leave the oom for part of Salo. You know, just sort of wander around, have a drink of water, look at the people on the street for awhile. |Lwas stupid enough to have eaten a big bow! of pasta right before sitting down and pressing play (with all that food at the top of my throat my gag reflex was really working hard), so | needed a bit of a breather. There's a bunch of WWII Italian fas- cists (these aren't those cutesy italian fascists, either) who round up a group of nubile young folk and take them to some castle where they proceed to administer such severe acts of degrada- tion its no wonder the film has a reputation to this day. its arty, which means that a lot of the nastiness is more implied than ‘graphic, and in this case that’s far more disturbing. I'm not even. ‘going to pretend | know what the hell the point was. It was just really really gross. ‘Scenes to watch out for: oh, there are many, but the ‘one that did me in began midway through the movie with a girl Betting upset over the death of her mother. That's my only warming. 2001: A Space Odyssey Starring Keir Dullea, directed by Mr. Stanley Kubrick. (1968) Everyone should have seen this movie by now, but I'm still amazed by the amount of characters | come across who haven't. What's wrong with you people? Did you just avoid the last half of the 1900s? Where's your sense of dignity? Ingrates. Scenes to watch for: well, everything. And don’t watch that shitty sequel. get crazy. watch a movie that doesn't feature Bruce Willis. that Sixth Sense movie sucked. ‘Additional Viewing: More movies that can assault you...A Clockwork Orange (by Mr. Stanley Kubrick. Legally, | have to mention it), Stalker (directed by ‘Andrei Tarkovsky, who you should get to know), THX- 11138 (not George Lucas’ sound system, but his first film out of college. Watch this and then watch Howard The Duck and try and figure out what the hell happened), Apocalypse Now (a freaking masterpiece! But, like George, one must wonder what the hell hap- pened to Francis Ford Coppola. | mean, Jack? The Rainmaker? By gosh, it's inhuman), Seven (according to Natasha Féline Creed. I'll admit, it's kind of disturb- ing if you can get past Brad Pitt's whiny acting), Sweet ‘Movie (overall, it's dull, but there are parts you will not believe. I've been informed that the only reason it isn't nationally banned is because it's a Canuck co-produc- tion. Way to go, home team!), The Celebration and The Idiots (two from the Dogma 95ers, Tomas \Vinterberg and Lars von Triers. Celebration is by far the better, but both will knock your socks off), In The Company of Men (directed by Neil Labute and featur- ing one of the most evil characters to grace the screen in years. While you're at it you might as well get his, follow-up, Your Friends And Neighbours), Funny Games (\ almost forgot about this one, which would have been a shame. A very strange and frustrating film, but in a good way. Sort of), and Picnic At Hanging Rock (| mentioned this before in an earlier column, and if you haven't seen it yet you really ought to) Most, iF nok all of these Wicks you can find at Black Dog Video (the coolest video shack in town at Cambie and 18th. Much better than| fideomatica). And hey, for those of you who| are interested in finding more films that will make you piss yourself in fear and ecstasy, ick up an issue of Kier-La Janisse’s Cannibal| Culture, coincidently on sale at Black Dog. It’s a good mag with occasional nudity. 35_@)