IF YOU ONLY READ ONE THING IN THIS PAPER, READ THIS... The following is a comprehensive list by which to live life, the ins and outs of EVERYTHING. You should tear out this page and carry it with you wherever you go. It may even begin to dictate the decisions you make in your life. Do not, however, worry. This is an expected and desirable result. This list could even help you out of some situations that could be deemed questionable, alarming, worrisome, and downright terrifying. But you say that this page is too big for such an occasion. Fret not! If you refer to the bottom of the page you will find a handy tear-out table provided, on which can be found the solutions to any of life's myriad dilemmas. There is a flaw to this system; the fact that some of the situations you will encounter will require split-second decision making and will not provide ample time for you to refer to your table. It is for this reason that I, and the rest of your friends here at In-Flux, suggest memorizing the table provided. Now don't start shouting, it's not that outrageous. | know at first this task may seem daunting and the goal of mem- BGs Hey-d ro Scholarships Assisting tomorrow's leaders today Applications accepted February 1 to March 31, 2001 Apply now for a BC Hydro scholarship. You are eligible if you are a Grade 12 student planning to pursue a full-time post-secondary education or if you are a student enrolled in a full-time post- secondary program. You must be a B.C. resident attending a B.C. institution. Students who excel academically, display leadership and are committed to their community are urged to apply. Scholarships are available in many categories, including awards for Aboriginal students, female engineering and technology students, pre-apprentice electricians, and more. Application forms are available online at www.bchydro.com/scholarships or call 431-9463 (1-877-431-9463 outside the Lower Mainland). THE POWER 1S YOURS BChydro & www.bchydro.com orizing the ENTIRE table may seem unattainable. When this happens, you must remind yourself that in the real world, actors memorize scripts con- sisting of hundreds of thousands of pages every single day. OK, now that I've prepared you for your forthcoming task you may need a break to think it over. Go and get yourself a coffee or a pop and come back to me. Are you all freshened up now? Good, because this next part is going to knock your socks off! You ready? OK here goes; you aren't as popular as you think you are. I'm just joking, that's not the part that’s going to do the sock-knocking, but you may want to recheck that ego of yours. Here's what | was originally going to tell you. Now don't go throwing this paper into the trash after you read this, give it a chance, try it out and if after a week your life hasn't taken a dramatic turn for the better you may then dispose of this paper in an appropriate manner. There are three steps you must go through before this table will be of any use. STEP ONE: Stop chewing with your mouth open; it just pisses people off and it looks gross. While you're at it, learn how to drink properly: gulping sounds stupid and the donkey face you make when you do it isn't getting you any farther in life. STEP TWO: Establish yourself as an individual, shave just the top of your head and dye the rest of your hair grey. They say we can learn a lot from our elders so why not emulate them as well, or do something equally irrational and visually offensive and then give people an intelligent reason to why you did it so they go from hating you to worshiping you in like a second. STEP THREE: Verse yourself in the history of your least favorite things, for example, circuses, ravers, waffle irons, or hip-hop, so that when you reject them you don't sound dumb. Table number one of one thursdays california fish seventeen / H@ IF YOU ONLY READ ONE THING IN THIS PAPER, READ THIS.. The following is a comprehensive list by which to live life, the ins and outs of EVERYTHING. You should tear out this page and carry it with you wherever you go. It may even begin to dictate the decisions you make in your life. Do not, however, worry. This is an expected and desirable result. This list could even help you out of some situations that could be deemed questionable, alarming, worrisome, and downright terrifying. But you say that this page is too big for such an occasion. Fret not! If you refer to the bottom of the page you will find a handy tear-out table provided, on which can be found the Solutions to any of life's myriad dilemmas. There is a flaw to this system; the fact that some of the situations you will encounter will require split-second decision making and will not provide ample time for you to refer to your table. It is for this reason that I, and the rest of your friends here at in-Flux, suggest memorizing the table provided. Now don't start shouting, its not that outrageous. | know at first this task may seem daunting and the goal of mem- BC Hydr Scholarships Assisting tomorrow’s leaders today Applications accepted February 1 to March 31, 2001 Apply now for a BC Hydro scholarship. You are eligible if you are a Grade 12 student planning to pursue a full-time post-secondary education or if you are a student enrolled in a full-time post- secondary program. You must be a B.C. resident attending a B.C. institution. Students who excel academically, display leadership and are committed to their community are urged to apply. ‘Scholarships are available in many categories, including awards for Aboriginal students, female engineering and technology students, pre-apprentice electricians, and more, Application forms are available online at ww. bchydro.comischolarships or call 431-9463 (1-877-431-9463 outside the Lower Mainland) THE POWER IS YouRS BCGhydro & orizing the ENTIRE table may seem unattainable. When this happens, you must remind yourself that in the real world, actors memorize scripts con- sisting of hundreds of thousands of pages every single day. OK, now that I've prepared you for your forthcoming task you may need a break to think it over. Go and get yourself a coffee or a pop and come back to me. Are you all freshened up now? Good, because this next part is going to knock your socks off! You ready? OK here goes; you aren't as popular as you think you are. I'm just joking, that’s not the part that's going to do the sock-knocking, but you may want to recheck that ego of yours. Here's what | was originally going to tell you. Now don't go throwing this paper into the trash after you read this, give it a chance, try it out and if after a week your life hasn't taken a dramatic turn for the better you may then dispose of this paper in an appropriate manner. There are three steps you must go through before this table will be of any use. STEP ONE: Stop chewing with your mouth open; it just pisses people off and it looks gross. While you're at it, learn how to drink properly: gulping sounds stupid and the donkey face you make when you do it isn't getting you any farther in life. STEP TWO: Establish yourself as an individual, shave just the top of your head and dye the rest of your hair grey. They say we can learn a lot from our elders so why not emulate them as well, or do something equally irrational and visually offensive and then give people an intelligent reason to why you did it so they go from hating you to worshiping you in like a second. STEP THREE: Verse yourself in the history of your least favorite things, for ‘example, circuses, ravers, waffle irons, or hip-hop, so that when you reject them you don't sound dumb. Table number one of one thursdays california fish seventeen