. The Passion of Dracula FEBRUARY - MARCH 1996 / EMILY 23 Arts Club Theatre January 1996 Dracula seems like a difficult play to e to think they Lars pulled it off. My major complaint with this production is that it can't decide whether it should be a comedy or a drama. There are a number of very funny lines in the script, and a number of very serious scenes. The problem arises when the audience chuckles aloud during dramatic moments, not realizing that they aren't meant to react in that way...or maybe | just didn't get the joke? Eric McCormack (Count Dracula) was very well (almost too well) groomed for his part. What great hair he has! And a terrific beard! And Jacob Bauming likes his ass, although he has not seen the play. Count Dracula lives up to the melodramatic photo on the ridiculously ubiquitous oversized promotional poster: every time he introduces himself, the expected thunder and lightning strikes in time with his announcement, "My name is Count Dracula,” spoken in the thickest of Transylvanian accents. | don't know much about acting, but | bumped into Sharon's friend Laurel at intermission, and she thought the characters weren't well developed, nor did they estab- lish very good connections between themselves. | agree with Laurel. Readers, do you mind if | ruin the ending for you? If yes, stop now! Okay, | knew you wouldn't care, so here goes: the good guys (i.e. the living) go to Dracula's lair to kill him a la stake. After killing off all the other undead he has created, they prevail and (surprise, surprise) stab Dracula through the heart. Ahhh. Resolution. But no, there's a cheeze-whiz ending around the cor- ner: Drac's dead, the good guys sigh in relief, and then, when we least expect it, BOOM ! Dracula jerksupright from his coffin with a menacing, undead look on his face! Stage lights go out, curtains close, and | groan at a B- movie ending that made the whole thing worth while! » —Jonathan Lander FHE Ale S TA R SCHNAUZER BAND AEF PRESENT TRE)R NEW Lp, Js ALL CANADIAN | EF BRAnp AND : Piss ; ake. : ce \, . suck your BLOO B/ & q Gallerie (ECIAD Concourse Gallery, Jan. 2-11, 1996) We didn't find it very funny. And we didn't think Pat and Vanna would have found it funny either. In fact we found it down- right insulting. The first piece we were confronted with upon entering the gallery was the blasphemous juxtaposition of the White Spot™ symbol with an abstract expressionist painting. The work (Quin's “Not Real Trendy Art, Just Real Good") seems to undermine the value of our favourite dining location by connecting it with the ejaculations of a pathetic style of art-making long buried in the trash-heap of art history. Pam succeeded in ruining a perfectly lovely landscape paint- ing by including ridiculous flying saucers flying through a pale blu: sky. That's not funny, that's terrifying! (untitled [UFO Painting]") Jonathan dear, how could you use the crocheted slippers Gramma gave you last Christmas in such a humiliating appropria- tion, a twisted version of its original purpose? (“Whatever Happened to Baby Jane"). We don't even want to try to understanc the photographs. Grandpa was extremely disturbed by the Bobbitesque castra- tions that made up Ken's collections of phalluses. ("I See Them Everywhere"). This, alongside Chris’ "Fruit" (Self Portrait), has prompted us to put all our bananas in the closet. We no longer intend to include them in our diet. Mia's "Big Bush Woman" seems to be about a woman's poor gardening skills and inability to maintain control over her foliage. Grandpa thought it was about something else, but Gramma ‘assured him that ladies do not have body hair! We came to the show expecting to have a few laughs , som: good old-fashioned humour like Ed Sullivan or Peanuts. Instead we were shocked and dismayed, horrified by what you seem to think — constitutes the world of "funny". How do you expect to maintain the status quo if you challenge good North-American values? No wonder the government is cutting arts funding! Oh, and thank you for being kind about Grandpa's receding hair-line-in our portrait ("Gameshow Gramma and Grandpa’). However, we thought it would have been nice to include some flowers or a little sunshine. Gameshow Gramma and Grandpa are failed artists-cum-crit- ics. They can be found every Tuesday at the White Spot on Granville at Broadway. They are the proud owners of a fine collection of velve paintings. “@ by Gameshow Gramma and Grandpa gee PULL(L Hh ong | The Passion of Dracula Arts Club Theatre January 1996 ae pee arate a was. | don’ jour css es ee cans ace te? DOD) x \ My Jonathan Lander THE ALL STAR SCHNAUZER BAND PRESENT THER NEW Lp, : ALL CANADIAN BEEF BRAND AND ges PULL(T 4h om Fesmuney- ator 1996 J cam 23, ” oo Gallerie Wa eee (ECIAD Concourse Gallery Jan. 2-11, 1996) We didn't find it very funny. And we didn't think Pat and Vanna would have found it funny either. In fact we found it down Fight insulting, The fist piece we were confronted with upon entering the gallery was the blasphemous juxtaposition ofthe White Spot™ symbol with an abstract expressionist painting. The work (Quin's “Not Real Trendy Art Just Real Good") seems to undermine the value of our favourite dining location by connecting it withthe sjaculations ofa pathetic style of art-making long buried in the ‘rash-heap of art history. Pam succeeded in ruining a perfectly lovely landscape paint ing by including ridieulous fying saucers fying through a pale blu sy, That's not funny, that’s teriying! "untitled [UFO Painting!) Jonathan dear, how could you use the crocheted slippers Gramma gave you last Christmas in such a humiliating appropia- tion, a twisted version of is origital purpose? (Whatever Happened to Baby ane") We don't even want to try to understan the photosraphs. Grandpa was extremely disturbed by the Bobbitesque castro tions that made up Ken's collections of phalluses. (1 See Them Everywhere’) Ths, alongside Chris “Fruit” (Self Portrait), has prompted us to put all our bananas in the closet. We no longer intend to include them in our diet. Mia's “Big Bush Woman" seems to be about a woman's poor gardening sills and inability to maintain control over her foliage. Grandpa thought it was about something else, but Gramma assured him that ladies do not have body hair! We came tothe show expecting to have a few laughs, som 900d old-fashioned humour ike Ed Sullivan or Peanuts. Instead we Were shocked and dismayed, horrified by what you seem to think constitutes the world of funny: How do you expect to maintain the status quo if you challenge good North-American values? No wonder the government is cutting arts funding! Oh, andthank you for being kind about Grandpa's receding hairline in our portrait ("Gameshow Gramma and Grandpa’) However, we thought it would have been nice to include some flowers or alittle sunshine .Gameshow Gramma ond Grondpa are filed atsts-cum-rt ‘cs. They canbe found every Tuesdo atthe White Spot on Granville ‘at Broadway They ae the proud owners of fine collection of veve paintings. “® by Gamestow Gramma and Grandpa