The spectacle within the building was indeed a ghastly one. One
complete wall was covered by the paintings, but, alas, how changed.
There was scarcely one which had not been altered or mutilated in some
way and the whole had been fastened together like a vast jig-saw puzzle.
In one corner was Mona Lisa with her mouth wide open, displaying a set
of pearly dentures, preparing to take a bite out of one of Cézanne’s best
apples. Farther along the Laughing Cavalier had drawn up Van Gogh’s
Old Chair and had joined Cézanne’s Card Players. He must have been
winning—he was still laughing. The Blue Boy and the Red Boy had
changed clothes and positions and seemed to express mutual relief. Raph-
ael’s Sistine Madonna was not nearly so complacent—and no wonder—
for she seemed about to make a three-point landing on a particularly icy
and craggy Canadian landscape. There was a whole convention of self-
portraits. Rembrandt, wearing one of Manet’s top hats, was gazing
abstractedly at a bottle from a Cézanne still-life group and apparently
wishing that Paul had not used empty bottles as models. Sir Joshua and
Van Gogh had exchanged complexions and neither was looking particu-
larly pleased about it... . But why go on? The thing was horrible, dis-
gusting, malicious... (and at this point the critics got in some perfectly
delightful adjectives) .

What was to be done? Who was to be punished? Governments
everywhere felt they had to do something about it and began looking
about for suitable scapegoats. ‘The situation grew tense. Anything
might have happened if the art critic of the magazine called “Slime”
had not stepped into the breach. Wrote he, “There is nothing new
under the sun. The old adage of our ancestors that no matter how thin
you slice it, it is still boloney, holds good today. In the world of art for
example, no matter how art is cut to pieces it is still Art.”

While this theory was at first pooh-poohed
it gradually found favour with authorities every-
where and in connection with the great art mys-
tery it was generally agreed that the best thing
to do would be to forget the whole thing.

We suggest that you do the same.

Said Picasso “I have a confession
To make if it’s not a digression.
I take what’s required
From men more inspired.”
Said Matisse ‘That was just my impression.”
—Orchids.

One day while at rest on a settee
I looked at the works of Rosetti.
Although they were quite
Pre-Raphaelite,
I’m afraid that I still enjoy Petty.
—Honourable Mention.