Weyi. et -- SAKURAI AND DAVID O’REGAN ARE HERE TO _ PUNISH YOU UNMERCIFULLY, DIRTY HIPPIE! _ ly bleached shells of their former selves.. Dirty Hippie tries to’ laugh mani- acally, but instead it sounds like a combination. between the sound a shiv- ering cat makes when it wants to be let into. the house: because it's freez- ing outside and the sound you get when you repeatedly do something wrong on a Macintosh. When they awake, Kenn & Dave find themselves secretly restrained in a secret room in Dirty Hippiefs secret hideout. Dave whips out a sharpened _ squeegee and frees himself and Kenn from the restraints. But how will they get through the locked door? “Aha! A noise at the door! Kenn & Dave prepare themselves to strike at ~ the door's opening - but it's a double agent! He's on Kenn & Dave's side, and understands their noble quest to seek out justice-against Dirty Hippie. ‘When Kenn & Dave walk through the door, they find themselves among ~ thousands of evil drones, all of whom are being trained in Dirty Hippie's degenerate ways! The double agent slips past Kenn’& Dave and blends ~ back in with the masses of evil drones. ROCKETING ONTO THE SCENE LIKE TWO BLAZ- ING BOLTS OF FABULOUS JUSTICE, KENN Kenn & Dave plow through the hippie-zombies, kicking over evil canvasses, _ breaking evil lithography stones, tearing apart evil silkscreens; saving those innocent tools from their torturous use at the hands of the evil hippies. The evil hippies make a lot of very irritating noise about this, but that doesn’t really change things, does it? When Kenn & Dave reach Dirty Hippie's personal lair, they find him lying on a comfy couch surrounded by expensive paint, nice brushes, and a dozen large, blank canvasses. This can only mean one thing - Dirty Hippie plans to sit around and drink beer until the very last minute when he'll whip off some weak junk and make up some bull-shit story about issues with his father. Everyone will see through this, however, because it is common ~ knowledge that Dirty Hippie has no parents and is in fact the result of lots of hot air gaining physical form. Nevertheless, Kenn & Dave are eager to prevent Dirty Hippie from wasting everybody's time, and it is their turn to strike first! But oh no! Dirty Hippie surrounds himself with his evil henchmen! There's Abstract Expressionist, who smothers his victims in a mess of paint! There's the fiendish Dr. _ Greenberg, who has the amazing ability to turn worthless junk into solid gold! There's Righteous Girl, who harnesses the mental ability to make you feel bad about anything! And there's Readymade Man, who doesn't actu- ally have any powers but hopes he can make you think that he does! - Quick, Kenn, use your Saku-Ray"!! *Quick, Dave,*use: your-O"Re****"" Gun"!! Dirty Hippie s henchmen fall to the floor, no match for Kenn & Dave s awesome arsenal of ass-shattering bastard-blasters!: That's right, Dirty Hippie! You've got nothing! ; Dirty Hippie turns out to be easy enough to apprehend. After all, he was quite. drunk. But Kenn & Dave's. work goes,on, for there are more Dirty Hippies than can be easily counted. It is selfless, tiring work and it is rarely appreciated, but they ae on nevertheless. Yay Kenn & Dave! The: shovel of the preceding story is that ify you ever write something, you should give your metaphors.a little more distance than | have if ~ you want to be subversive instead of just plain insulting. Kenn. Sakurai and Dave O'Regan are both forty years old and cur- rently reside in San Jose. Kenn was born and raised in Britain, and came to America when he was one and a half years old (see if you can. - find the incongruity in the previous sentence), Dave was born to Eskimo parents and eaten by a polar bear: He spent. his formative years in the bear's stomach, learning to. read and write from an Eskimo ~ elder who had been swallowed some time before. When he reached maturity, he left the bear's stomach and traveled to Vancouver, where he hooked up with Kenn, who also:came to Vancouver in, oh, let's say 1986 - just in time for Expo! Both are mildly retarded. : They went to ECIAD, and graduated in ‘99. If you're a student and don't remember them, it's probably because they tried to avoid you, ‘though you might remember some hubbub about them and the ECIAD print sale a couple years back. To sum it up quickly (and prob- ably inaccurately), it turns out that being sponsored by the govern- ment is okie-dokie (see: grant), but being sponsored by a company might get your ass kicked out of Emily Carr. By the time you're reading this, theyill be having a show at the -Havana gallery, which runs until April 2nd. This show will feature new _ prints that you haven't seen before, all coming straight from their = super-secret:underground chick farm/print shop. If you want, you - can pick up some of their postcards at the Charles H. Scott. Tell them _- Tony sent you. You won't get a discount, or get treated any better, but you will get the cool feeling of being able to say someone sent . you, and that's priceless. a _, Tony.-Cliff admits that any given part of the preceding article may be com- -.» pletely fictional, likes exclamation marks, is too lazy to get his facts straight, was not paid for this, does not owe anything to Kenn & Dave, and stole your favorite-parking spot, Bitch. ly bleached shells of their former selves. Dirty Hippie tries to laugh mani- acally, but instead it sounds like a combination. between the sound a shiv- ering cat makes when it wants to be let into, the house: because it’s freez~ ing outside and the sound you get when you repeatedly do something wrong on a Macintosh When they awake, Kenn & Dave find themselves secretly restrained in a secret room in Dirty Hippiets secret hideout. Dave whips out a sharpened squeegee and frees himself and Kenn from the restraints. But how will they get through the locked door? ‘Ahal A noise at the door! Kenn & Dave prepare themselves to strike at the door’s opening - but it's a double agent! He's on Kenn-& Dave's side, and understands their noble quest to seek out justice against Dirty Hippie. When Kenn’ & Dave walk through the door, they find themselves among thousands of evil drones, all of whom are being trained in Dirty Hippie’s degenerate ways! The double agent slips past Kenn & Dave and blends back in with the masses of evil drones. Quick, Kenn, use your Saku-Ray"It:: Quick; Dave,"use your-O°Re= Gun'"Ill Dirty Hippie s henchmen fall to the floor, no match for Kenn & Dave s awesome arsenal of ass-shattering bastard-blasters!: That's right, Dirty Hippie! You've got nothing! Dirty Hippie turns out to be easy enough to apprehend. After all, he ‘was quite drunk. But Kenn & Dave's work goes on, for there are more Dirty Hippies than can be easily counted. Itis selfless, tiring work and it is rarely appreciated, but they fight on nevertheless. Yay Kenn & Davel ‘The moral ofthe preceding story i that if you ever write something, you should give your metaphors a little more distance than | have if You want to be subversive instead of just plain insulting. Kenn Sakurai and Dave O'Regan are both forty years old and cur- rently reside in San Jose. Kenn was born and raised in Britain, and ‘came to America when he was one and a half years old (see if you can. find the incongruity in the previous sentence), Dave was born to Eskimo parents and eaten by a polar bear. - He spent his formative years in the bear's stomach, learning to read and write from an Eskimo elder who had been swallowed some time before. When he reached. maturity, he left the bear's stomach and traveled to Vancouver, where he hooked up with Kenn, who also:came to Vancouver in, oh, let's say 1986 - just in time for Expo! Both are mildly retarded. They went to ECIAD, and graduated in’ ‘99. If you're a student and don’t remember them, it’s probably because they tried to avoid you, ‘though you might remember some hubbub about them and the ECIAD print sale a couple years back. To sum it up quickly (and prob- ably inaccurately), it turns out that being sponsored by the govern- ment is okie-dokie (see: grant), but being sponsored by a company might get your ass kicked out of Emily Carr. By the time you're reading this, theyill be having a show at the Havana gallery, which runs until April 2nd. This show will feature new prints that you haven't seen before, all coming straight from their super-secret underground chick farm/print shop. If you want, you cain pick up some oftheir postcards at the Charles H. Scott. Tell them Tony'sent you. You won't get a discount, or get treated any better, but you will get the cool feeling of being able to say someone sent you, and that’s priceless. Tony. Giff admits that any given part of the preceding article may be com- pletely fictional, likes exclamation marks, is too lazy to get his facts straight, ‘was not paid for this, does not owe anything to Kenn & Dave, and stole your favorite parking spot, Bitch ROCKETING ONTO THE SCENE LIKE TWO BLAZ- ING BOLTS OF FABULOUS JUSTICE, KENN SAKURAI AND DAVID O’REGAN ARE HERE TO PUNISH YOU UNMERCIFULLY, DIRTY HIPPIE! Kenn & Dave plow through the hippie-zombies, kicking over evil canvasses, < breaking evil lithography stones, tearing apart evil silkscreens, saving those © innocent tools from their torturous use at the hands of the evil hippies. The evil hippies make a lot of very irritating noise about this, but that doesn't really change things, does it? When Kenn & Dave reach Dirty Hippie's personal lar, they find him lying on a comfy couch surrounded by expensive paint, nice brushes, and a dozen large, blank canvasses. This can only mean one thing - Dirty Hippie plans to sit around and drink beer until the very last minute when he'll whip off some weak junk and make up some bull-shit story about issues with his father. Everyone will see through this, however, because it is common knowledge that Dirty Hippie has no parents and is in fact the result of lots of hot air gaining physical form, Nevertheless, Kenn & Dave are eager to prevent Dirty Hippie from wasting everybody's time, and itis their turn to strike first! But oh nol Dirty Hippie surrounds himself with his evil henchmen! There's Abstract Expressionist, who smothers his victims in a mess of paint! There's the fiendish Dr. Greenberg, who has the amazing ability to tum worthless junk into solid old! There's Righteous Girl, who harnesses the mental ability to make you feel bad about anything! And there's Readymade Man, who doesn’t actu- ally have any powers but hopes he can make you think that he does!