\ Planet of the Arts Volume7 Issue4 page 7 “825 planet horoscope-mouthwash “== By Spiritual Bunnies ARIES (March21 - April20) Watch out for thattruck!! Here it comes, oh my God!! Pant, pant, pant, you’ve woken up and hell what a bad dream! Perhaps you should stay awake from now on. Lots of coffee. I see lots of coffee in your future. OH, and cute little pink pills too. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21) Has it ever occurred to you that nothing rhymes with tumip? Well something could, but ... Well, eat lots and lots of turnips. They’re cheap, they’re economical and they make your breath smell great. This is very important, because there is a cute little Pisces that you keep ignoring. (Hint hint) GEMINI (May 22 - June 21) Oh, we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of cheesefood. Why ? Because, because, because... because of the wonderful things it does. Like stick to your nose, stick to turnips, stick to everything except your stomach. It sort of smears, or maybe stretches down into your stomach from the roof of your mouth. This really has nothing to do with forecasting your future, does it ? CANCER (June 22 - July 21) I foresee a small fuzzy green thing with little yellow slug-like eyes crawling into what’s left of the macaroni you had the night before. I foresee your roommate getting up in the morning, and being the oinker that he/she is, proceed- ing tochow downon something that resembles a moldy Xmas mandarin orange. LEO (July 24 - August 23) Jump to the left, jump to the right, jump in front of a courier, give yourself a fright. Forget to open the fridge before reaching for that carton of milk, and you may hurt yourself. Please be extra careful with that carton of milk once you’ ve actually pulled it out of the fridge properly, especially if your love starts laughing hysterically. VIRGO (August 24 - September 23) It’s new, it’s im- proved, it glows in the dark, it eats too much, it’s ozone friendly, it’s the amazing Virgo!! It slices, it dices, it digests. It belches loudly in fancy restaurants. If it’s male, it’ ll piss on the seat. If it’s a dog, it’ Il piss on your leg. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. LIBRA (September 24 - October 23) Take your loved one out fora stroll in the park. Have a lovely meal, buy some blue cheese and crackers, drink some wine, be belligerent. And then do something truly romantic and belch into each other’s mouths. Then become ex- tremely disgusted, and hunt down Spiritual Bunny with a cheese knife. SCORPIO (October 24 - November 22) As Mars en- ters into your sign, and Jupiter trailing behind it, and Saturn behind that, and then Uranus and Neptune, Planet X, Ribus IV, etc... You may suddenly realize that the BLACK HOLE that swallowed up Pluto last month has decided to lay eggs in your nasal passages. Whata great way to get rid of unwanted guests. “Oh, excuse me, I have to SNEEZE... ‘ SAGITTARIUS (November 23 - December 22) My mother phoned me up this morning and went into great detail on how she carefully added Smarties to green Jello, just before it set. I then told her \how I loved to add plastic bags full of grenadine and com syrup to red Jello, so that when you cut into it, it bled. The end. CAPRICORN (December 23 - January 20) Hee-hee- heee. He he he ho ho, Haaahaaaaa!! (SNORT) Ho ho ho hee heee, snicker snicker, ha HAA!! I’m sorry, every time I start, I just can’t help it... HAAA HA H” HA. YO HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! YO HO HO DING-a-ling ding dong. Neato burrito... (snicker) AQUARIUS (January 21 - February 19) This month, you'll almost certainly see at least 11 strange events. But not to worry, none of them will have any sort of effect on your life. Yeah, right. An example would be the sight of a seagull with its rear end pointing into the wind so that its tail feathers fan out and make it look like a turkey. It will look as if it’s enjoying itself. PISCES (February 20 - March 20) A very mysterious event will take place soon, but I’m not going to tell because it’s a surprise (at approximately 1:32 AM on Saturday, December 21), a seven foot tall turnip col- oured alien-being will abduct you, smack you over the head with a leek and force you to kiss a Taurus. Right on the lips! OH WHAT FUN !!! (Kinda’ reminds you of soup, doesn’t it?) what Kokoro Dance performing with Japanese Butoh Artists - HArupin-Ha BE PART OF THE "MAGIC" OF THEATRE Become a theatre professional: Production Manager Stage Manager Technical Director Lighting or Sound Designer THE NATIONAL THEATRE SCHOOL OF CANADA IS THE INSTITUTION FOR THOSE WHO SEEK THE HIGHEST Z'up Suelagh Keeley & Stephen Andrews Corporeal Knowledge Charles H. Scott Gallery to December 20 Dec. 19-21, 8pm CALIBRE OF TRAINING IN TECHNICAL THEATRE Edmond ee Firehall Arts Centre PRODUCTION. OUR RESOURCES INCLUDE: Models of the Masses - AN 800-SEAT PROSCENIUM THEATRE, Pitt Gallery Collateral Damage: - STATE-OF-THE-ART EQUIPMENT AND FACILITIES, to December 21 The Tragedy of Medea - CANADA’S FOREMOST THEATRE LIBRARY Theatre at the VECC - A FACULTY OF THE FINEST PRACTICING Vancouver Anthology: Dec. 11-14 8pm PROFESSIONALS IN CANADA AND THE WORLD. The Institutional Politics of Art 254-9578 for info Ten critical essays on art in BC with DEADLINE FOR APPLICATIONS: FEBRUARY 15 eighty illustrations. For Colored Girls. For more information, call or write: "9 Available at the Or Gallery Who Have Considered Suicide The National Theatre School of Canada § z 314 W. Hastings St. Wik tihe Rainbow ic Enuf 5030 Saint Denis Street cont Nowe A Sepia Players Production Bae ee, BS > r setae Gallery of BC Ceramics , eels " Tel.: (514) 842-7954 to é y Dec.15-30 Fax: (514) 842-5661 7~ Gallery Artists ~ Info: 254-9578 Nov.26 - Dec.25 The Vancouver Men’s Chorus Exposure Photo Gallery Dec.15 8pm “Origins” Hotel Vancouver Ballroom to Dec.21 Tickets: 280-3311 Out on Screen Film Festival Info re: Volunteering Call 290-0741 Sodomite Invasion presents: “Xmas Gayla” Benefit and Symposium & Dinner Info: 688-2324 Tickets: Little Sister’s _ el Nt Pe happy holiday next issue: - end of january Photography depicting Vancouver’s ethnocultural diversity Dundarave Printmakers Small prints, etchings, Linocuts & mixed media through December Smash Gallery of Modern Art ManWoman: Divine Madman to Dec.28 a Hag PEM x Saga planet horoscope-mouthwash ARIES (March21 -April20) Watch outfor thattruck!! Here it comes, oh my God!! Pant, pant, pant, you've woken up and hell what a bad dream! Perhaps you should stay awake from now on. Lots of coffee. I'see lots of coffee in your future. OH, and cute litle pink pill t00. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21) Has it ever occurred to ‘you that nothing rhymes with tumip? Well something ‘could, but... Well, eat ots and lots of turnips. They're cheap, they're economical and they make your breath ‘smell great. This is very important, because there is a cute litte Pisces that you keep ignoring. (Hint hint) GEMINI (May 22 - June 21) Oh, we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of cheesefood. Why ? Because, because, because... because of the wonderful things it does. Like stick to your nose, stick to turnips, stick to everything except your stomach. It sort of smears, or maybe stretches down into your stomach. from the roof of yourmouth. Thisreally has nothing to do with forecasting your future, does it ? CANCER (June 22 - July 21) | foresee a small fuzzy {green thing with litle yellow slug-like eyes crawling into what's left of the macaroni you had the night before. I foresee your roommate getting up in the ‘morning, and being the oinker that he/she is, proceed ing tochow downonsomething thatresemblesamoldy Xmas mandarin orange. Planet of the Arts Volume7 Issue4 page 7 By Spiritual Bunnies LEO (July24 - August 23) Jump tothe left, jump tothe right, jump infront ofa courier, give yourself a fright. Forgettoopenthe fridge before reaching forthatcarton Of milk, and you may hurt yourself. Please be extra careful with that carton of milk once you've actually pulled it out ofthe fridge properly, especially if your love starts laughing hysterically. VIRGO (August 24 - September 23) It's new, it'sim- proved, itglowsin the dark, it eats oo much, it’s ozone ly, it's the amazing Virgo! Itslices, it dices, it digests. Itbelches loudly in fancy restaurants. IF it’s ‘male, i'l pisson the seat, Ifit’sadog, it'll pisson your leg. Excuse me, Ihave to go to the bathroom. LIBRA (September 24 - October 23) Take your loved ‘one out fora stroll inthe park. Havealovely meal, buy some blue cheese and crackers, drink some wine, be belligerent. And then do something trily romantic and belch into each other’s mouths. Then become ex- tuemely disgusted, and hunt down Spiritual Bunny a cheese knife. SCORPIO (October 24 - November 22) As Mars en- ters ino your sign, and Jupiter wailing behind it, and ‘Saturn behind that, and then Uranus and Neptune, Planet X, Ribus IV, etc... You may suddenly realize thatthe BLACK HOLE that swallowed up Pluto lst ‘month has decided olay eggs in your nasal passages. Whata great way to get rid of unwanted guests. “Oh, ‘excuse me, I have to SNEEZE, SAGITTARIUS (November 23 - December 22) My ‘mother phoned me up this moming and went into great detail on how she carefully added Smarties 1o green Jello, just before it set. [then told her \how I loved to ‘add plastic bags full of grenadine and com syrup to red Jello, so that when you cut ito it, it bled. The end. CAPRICORN (December 23 - January 20) Hee-hee- hheve. He he he ho ho, Haaahaaaaa!! (SNORT) Ho ho ho hee heee, snicker snicker, ha HAA! I'm sorry, every time I start, I just can't help it..HAAA HA H HA. YO HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS! YC. HO HO DING-a-ling ding dong. Neato burrito. (snicker) AQUARIUS (January21 - February 19) This month, you'll almost certainly see at least 11 strange events But not to worry, none of them will have any sort of ‘effecton your life. Yeah, right. An example would be the sight ofa seagull with its rear end pointing into the ‘wind so that its tail feathers fan out and make it look ike a turkey. It will look as if it’s enjoying itself PISCES (February 20- March 20) A very mysterious. event will take place soon, but I'm not going to tell because it’s a surprise (at approximately 1:32 AM on Saturday, December 21), a seven foot tall turnip col ‘oured alien-being will abduct you, smack you over the hhead with aleek and force you to kiss a Taurus. Right (on the lips! OH WHAT FUN 1! (Kinda’ reminds you what ‘up BE PART OF THE "MAGIC" OF THEATRE Z Uu Sea ee Loe tax elt sae Oe ‘Corporeal Knowledge Kokoro Dance peso oc Soe Deeg ‘Charles H. Scott Gallery performing with Japanese “THE NATIONAL THEATRE SCHOOL OF CANADA 1S THE to December 20 Butoh Artists - HArupin-Ha INSTITUTION FOR THOSE WHO SEEK THE HIGHEST Dec. 19-21, 8pm CALIBRE OF TRAINING IN TECHNICAL THEATRE Edmond Melnychuk Firehall Arts Centre PRODUCTION. OUR RESOURCES INCLUDE: ‘Models of the Masses ~ AN 800-SEAT PROSCENIUM THEATRE, Pitt Gallery Cees oni coe ‘The Tragedy of Medea - CANADA'S FOREMOST THEATRE LIBRARY Go he Oe SPE, cra ooo 254-9578 for info ‘Ten critical essays on art in BC with DEADLINE oe ALCAONS: FEBRUARY meat For Colored Girls. aon moce information, as is Available at the Or Gallery. ‘Who Have Considered Suicide ‘The National Theatre School of Canada E) (e 314 W. Hastings St. Who Have Considered Su sere ia tones : ‘A Sepia Players Production Tels (514) 842-7954 Ay re oa Gallery of BC Ceramics Dee l0 Fax: (514) 842-5661 ~~ cay are Info: 254-9578 s Nov.26 - Dec.25 Recta caecneeees peas oe Peeps ee een een ly vena cethnocultural diversity ‘Out on Screen Film Festival Info re: Volunteering Dundarave Printmakers Call 290-0741 ‘Smal prints, echings, Linocuts& mixed media Sodomite Invasion presents: 5 through December "mas Gayla" Benefit and happy holiday Symposium & Dinner i i ‘Smash Gallery of Modern Art Info: 688-2328 next issue: ManWoman: Divine Madman Tickets: Litle Sister's end of january to Dec.28