The time has come for those of us who believe in Junk Food Rights to speak out! As active members of the Gelatin Liberation Front, we can no longer stand idly by while fascists and nutritionists violate our rights! Whole food is dead! Prepare to usher in a NEW ERA of JELLYBEAN EQUALITY! We are incensed, outraged, and frankly cheesed by the biased distribution of jellybeans in the cafeteria vending machine. Six independent tests of the vending machine yielded the following: yellow: 13 pink: 9 orange: 6 red: 4 white: 5 black: 2 green: none at all! The more serious implications of this situations are as follows: 1. The most striking feature of this travesty is the statistically insignificant distribution of Black Jellybeans (Jellybeans of Colour). Visually, it appears that there are as many or more Jellybeans of Colour in the vending machine, however, so few make it into the eating world! Can it be that the system is repressing them?! Or is it simply that they are not conforming to the Fruit Flavour System?! All of the individual non-conformist are in agreement that Jellybeans of Colour taste the best, and moreover, they match our wardrobes!! 2. Need we point out that, although both pink and blue jellybeans exist within the Jellybean Community, there are no blue jellybeans in the vending machine ghetto? So, where are they? We suggest they are hobnobbing with the imperialist running-dog bourgeois fudge at the Granville Market. HS 3. The majority of jellybeans dispensed from the vending machine are of colours only otherwise found in mid-’70’s-era polyester pant suits. This is a flagrant attempt by the Art Establishment to control our freedom of expression. How can we be the Architects of the Future when we are forced to consume pastels?! 4. No green jellybeans. None. Nada. Not one. We can see them, hovering at the top of the jar, but they refuse to make an appearance. Could it be that, like the semi-mythical ECCAD shuttlebus, they exist in a realm beyond immediate reality, appearing in the distance only to taunt us? Perhaps they are the Muse, the ethereal, intangible creative force which exists within each and every one of us. 5. What the hell is a white jellybean supposed to taste like, anyway? THE TIME FOR ACTION IS AT HAND! WE MUST CUP OUR HANDS TOGETHER! POLISH OUR QUARTERS! AND CRANK THE KNOB WITH VIGOUR! : The Gelatin Liberation Front urges every radical, visionary Artist, vegan or non, to unite with us! We lay our Manifesto to Action before you : WE WILL place garbage cans full of jellybeans in — strategic hallways, and invite people to, please, take some! The Works will be accompanied by badly misspelt explanatory parables scrawled on sheets of crumpled paper in broad-tipped felt marker . WE WILL waste an entire jar of jellybeans by scotch-taping them to a hallway wall, thus creating a metaphorical “River of Sweet Illusions”. We will follow this display with a Conceptual Piece consisting of individual jellybeans under glass domes, mounted on beautifully-crafted wooden pedestals. This time, we will write our profound insights on the wall, backwards, in 6B pencil. We will make a feeble attempt to wash the wall after the Piece has been Documented. WE WILL sponsor The Maverick Cowboy Tooth- Decay Cabaret Cafe, a multi-media extravaganza which will include an open mike and psychedelic projections of lyrical root-canals. Those who bring their own burlap sack (no plastic please!) will receive their first handful of pastel confections gratis. The evening will culminate in a Public Performance Piece in which scantily-clad Artists drag a red wagon through the corridors, on which rides a life-sized neon Murphy the Molar. Finally, participants will join in throwing handfuls of refined sugar off the front balcony at passing tourists. We will not clean up the sugar. WE WILL stage an Open Forum in the concourse at noon, with the Dean in attendance, to address issues of candy fascism, gastronomic censorship, flavour appropriation from other candy, and what to do if your quarter gets stuck.. The media will fail to attend. ; WE WILL place a large industrial blender in the center of the concourse, surrounded by leather couches and video monitors playing endless loops of Cadbury commercials. It is our sincere hope that after two weeks of grinding up truckloads of jellybeans, the sticky goo will have filled the gallery, adhered to everyone’s shoes, and been tracked throughout the school. The candy residue will as a serve as a reminder to everyone of the Gelatin Liberation Front message. WE SHALL OVERCOME!! IN THE WORDS OF THE GREAT MALCOLM X... OR WAS IT THE MAN FROM PLANET X... THEY ARE MAKING US VERY, VERY ANGRY!! DEATH BEFORE NUTRASWEET! In Solidarity, Gumball Backlash & Lita “Licorice Whip” Molinas THE GELATIN LIBERATION FRONT ‘The time has come for those of us who believe in Junk Food Rights to speak out! As active members ‘of the Gelatin Liberation Front, we can no longer stand idly by while fascists and nutritionists violate ‘our rights! Whole food is dead! Prepare to usher in a NEWERA of JELLYBEAN EQUALITY! We are incensed, outraged, and frankly cheesed by the biased distribution of jllybeans in the cafeteria vending machine. Six independent tests of the vending machine yielded the following: yellow: 13 pink: 9 orange: 6 red: 4 white: 5 black: 2 ‘green: none at all! ‘The more serious implications of this situations are as follows: 1, The most striking feature of this travesty isthe statistically insignificant distribution of Black Jellybeans (ellybeans of Colour). Visually, it appears that there are as many or more ellybeans of Colour inthe vending machine, however, so few make it into the eating world! Can it be that the system is repressing them?! Oris it simply that they are not conforming to the Fruit Favour System?! All of the individual non-conformist are in agreement that Jellybeans of Colour taste the best, and moreover, they match our wardrobes! 2, Need we point out that, although both pink ‘and blue jellybeans exist within the Jellybean ‘Community, there are no bive jllybeans in the vending machine ghetto? So, where are they? We suggest they are hobnobbing with the imperialist running-dog bourgeois fudge at the Granville Market 3. ‘The majority of jellybeans dispensed from the vending machine are of colours only otherwise found in mid-'70's-era polyester pant suits. This is a flagrant attempt by the Art Establishment to control ‘our freedom of expression. How can we be the Architects of the Future when we are forced to ‘consume pastels?! 4. No green jelybeans. None. Nada. Not one. We can see them, hovering at the top of the jar, but they refuse to make an appearance. Could it be that, like the semi-mythical ECCAD shuttlebus, they exist ina realm beyond immediate reality, appearing in the distance only to taunt us? Perhaps they are the Muse, the ethereal, intangible creative force which exists within each and every one of us. ‘5. What the hell is a white jllybean supposed to taste like, anyway? ‘THE TIME FOR ACTION IS AT HAND! WE MUST ‘CUP OUR HANDS TOGETHER! POLISH OUR. ‘QUARTERS! AND CRANK THE KNOB WITH VIGOUR! “ ‘The Gelatin Liberation Front urges every radical, visionary Artist, vegan or non, to unite with us! We lay our Manifesto to Action before you : WE WILL place garbage cans full of jellybeans in strategic hallways, and invite people to, please, take some! The Works will be accompanied by badly misspelt explanatory parables scrawied on sheets of ‘crumpled paper in broad-tipped felt marker WE WILL waste an entire jar of jellybeans by scotch-taping them to a hallway wall, thus creating a metaphorical “River of Sweet illusions”. We will follow this display with a Conceptual Piece consisting of individual jelybeans under glass domes, mounted on beautifully-crafted wooden pedestals, This time, we will write our profound insights on the wall, backwards, in 6B pencil. We will make a feeble attempt to wash the wall after the Piece has been Documented. WE WILL sponsor The Maverick Cowboy Tooth- Decay Cabaret Cafe, a multi-media extravaganza which will include an open mike and psychedelic projections of lyrical root-canals. Those who bring their own burlap sack (no plastic please!) will receive their first handful of pastel confections ‘gratis. The evening will culminate in a Public Performance Piece in which scantily-clad Artists drag a red wagon through the corridors, on which rides a life-sized neon Murphy the Molar. Finally, Participants will join in throwing handfuls of refined sugar off the front balcony at passing tourists. We will not clean up the sugar. WE WILL stage an Open Forum in the concourse at ‘noon, with the Dean in attendance, to address issues of candy fascism, gastronomic censorship, flavour appropriation from other candy, and what to do if your quarter gets stuck.. The media will fal to attend, WE WILL place a large industrial blender in the ‘enter of the concourse, surrounded by leather ‘couches and video monitors playing endless loops ‘of Cadbury commercials. Itis our sincere hope that after two weeks of grinding up truckloads of jellybeans, the sticky goo will have filled the gallery, adhered to everyone's shoes, and been tracked throughout the school. The candy residue will as a serve as a reminder to everyone of the Gelatin Liberation Front message. ‘WE SHALL OVERCOME! IN THE WORDS OF THE GREAT MALCOLM X... OR WAS IT THE MAN FROM PLANET X... THEY ARE MAKING US VERY, VERY ANGRY! DEATH BEFORE NUTRASWEET! In Solidarity, ‘Gumball Backlash & Lita “Licorice Whip” Molinas ‘THE GELATIN LIBERATION FRONT