YOUR HOSTS FOR THE 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS a. (cart tinasey & ipaskiy The city is under attack! The evil Dirty Hippie is rampaging through the city, wielding his evil Cannon of Dementia! Innocent citizens left and right are being lifted off the ground and utterly confused by Dirty Hippie's evil cannon! The city grinds to a halt! Outraged and dumb- founded, the entire populace is now floating three and two-quarter feet off the ground! Bike couriers are pedaling madly but getting nowhere! Secretaries cannot reach their keyboards! The police have been rendered ineffective! Fire response has been nullified! Transit has been com- pletely disabled (though, in all honesty, the difference is negligible). Oh, Dirty Hippie, you're one despicable fiend! Not only are you wreak- ing havoc throughout the city, but your Cannon of Dementia - oh, if only the people knew - was created through government funding! And now you're steaming towards the capital, in order to steal more of the inept government's money for your nefarious schemes! Someone must stop you - someone like KENN AND DAVE! Rocketing onto the scene like two blazing bolts of fabulous justice, Kenn Sakurai and David O'Regan are here to punish you unmercifully, Dirty Hippie! They're going to whip your ass in three dimensions, evildoer! How can you possibly withstand a barrage from this powerful pair of experienced printmakers? “You can't!" is the answer to that rhetorical question! = KENN SREURAt *ECAN Kenn & Dave corner Dirty Hippie near a mall and hope that the heavy corporate presence will weaken Dirty Hippie. It works! It is a well-estab- lished fact that hippies cannot withstand brand names, much the same way vampires cannot withstand sunlight. Here Kenn & Dave give Dirty Hippie a severe whooping and break his evil Cannon of Dementia into many small and irreparable parts. But while Kenn & Dave are helping shoppers back to their feet and easing the fears of the masses, Dirty Hippie manages to break out of his bonds and escape through a ventila- tion shaft! Kenn & Dave had assumed it would be safe to handcuff Dirty Hippie with hot dog wieners from Orange Julius, figuring that the hippie would not chew through his bonds if they were made of meat. The prob- lem here is the fact that Orange Julius hot dogs contain only trace amounts of anything that might reasonably resemble meat, and that’s on a good day. When the last of the citizens are finally helped back to the ground, Kenn & Dave notice that Dirty Hippie has escaped! Fortunately, Dirty Hippie has left a trail of irrational protesters in his wake, and Kenn & Dave find Dirty Hippie limping slowly towards - oh no! Could it be? Dirty Hippie has made his way back to his source of power - a modern art gallery! Dirty Hippie's power grows, and he turns to face Kenn & Dave! Before they can react, they find themselves engaged in a FIVE-HOUR CRI- TIQUE! Kenn & Dave's strength is quickly drained away by the five over- powering hours of pure pain, and they crumple to the ground, now mere- YOUR HOSTS FOR THE 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS art thug & bully KENN S The city is under attack! The evil Dirty Hippie is rampaging through the city, wielding his evil Cannon of Dementia! Innocent citizens left and right are being lifted off the ground and utterly confused by Dirty Hippie’s evil cannon! The city grinds to a halt! Outraged and dumb- founded, the entire populace is now floating three and two-quarter feet off the ground! Bike couriers are pedaling madly but getting nowhere! Secretaries cannot reach their keyboards! The police have been rendered ineffective! Fire response has been nullified! Transit has been com- pletely disabled (though, in all honesty, the difference is negligible). Oh, Dirty Hippie, you're one despicable fiend! Not only are you wreak- ing havoc throughout the city, but your Cannon of Dementia - oh, if only the people knew - was created through government funding! And now you're steaming towards the capital, in order to steal more of the inept ‘government's money for your nefarious schemes! Someone must stop you - someone like KENN AND DAVE! Rocketing onto the scene like two blazing bolts of fabulous justice, Kenn Sakurai and David O'Regan are here to punish you unmercifully, Dirty Hippie! They're going to whip your ass in three dimensions, evildoer! How can you possibly withstand a barrage from this powerful pair of experienced printmakers? “You can't!” is the answer to that rhetorical question! BA REGAN Kenn & Dave corner Dirty Hippie near a mall and hope that the heavy corporate presence will weaken Dirty Hippie. It works! It is a well-estab- lished fact that hippies cannot withstand brand names, much the same way vampires cannot withstand sunlight. Here Kenn & Dave give Dirty Hippie a severe whooping and break his evil Cannon of Dementia into many small and irreparable parts. But while Kenn & Dave are helping shoppers back to their feet and easing the fears of the masses, Dirty Hippie manages to break out of his bonds and escape through a ventila~ tion shaft!_ Kenn & Dave had assumed it would be safe to handcuff Dirty Hippie with hot dog wieners from Orange Julius, figuring that the hippie ‘would not chew through his bonds if they were made of meat. The prob- lem here is the fact that Orange Julius hot dogs contain only trace amounts of anything that might reasonably resemble meat, and that's on a good day. When the last of the citizens are finally helped back to the ground, Kenn & Dave notice that Dirty Hippie has escaped! Fortunately, Dirty Hippie has left a trail of irrational protesters in his wake, and Kenn & Dave find Dirty Hippie limping slowly towards - oh no! Could it be? Dirty Hippie has made his way back to his source of power - a modern art gallery! Dirty Hippie’s power grows, and he turns to face Kenn & Dave! Before they can react, they find themselves engaged in a FIVE-HOUR CRI- TIQUE! Kenn & Dave's strength is quickly drained away by the five over- powering hours of pure pain, and they crumple to the ground, now mere-