longer. Where once it was only the size white shell is now mottled with Doctor Rosco Ingon: When the suspect was encountered on the property of Mr. Vrongley, in the backyard garden, he was apparently attempting to bury the body leaving only the head exposed with an empty seed packet lodged in the ear as a label. When asked what he had done, the ex- fire chief replied “ What, am I my brother’s keeper? Besides, he’s her brother.” Judge: “Who’s ‘her’ ?” Ingon: “ He hasn’t said, your Honor. The suspect then began flapping his arms like a bird whilst throwing potatoes at the arresting officers.” Judge: “Doctor, in your opinion, is this man sane enough to stand trial ?” Ingon: “Is he insane ? He was found burying a man from the neck down and labellin g him an eggplant. Yes, I be- lieve this man is mentally disturbed, the extent of which I could only determine over a prolonged study within a con- olled environmen ae Alan Hindle white garbage.bag with a touch it as shé:hurriedly s the neighbor's txash can. : == “Fuck it/all to hell’; 4s she ran, tripped a bbed the shower kn } her:-Hands and ever her horror, Jill lo pumpkin grew brighter. - “Ahh”, she skreeched, g sland pumpkin pulsating:o counter. es “Oh God”, she a’ i xt towiover, HT tz. “What's troublin’ ae ae se “Qh, j fuckin © The last possible thing she think of wasto: ~ eet a nuen Ine ae ie : : jump on her Harley. and let a bit o =. °Pm dead serious, : F : ching table and ave son and sit by the fire.”, radioactive particles out.of her. sygiem, ing at “| had to brush my teeth with Ajax! § red, y'know!” Dave said: ange flicker danced on the the “Blue Saddle Rodeg.€lub A ii B : é ce, se ere i ? creases fe. wrinkles. : os brandy, she talked w 2 S ee oe Be known for years Dave,who work “Holy Shit”, Jif said calmly. Coming out-of her neighbor’s trashcan.and covering the alley road was the biggest network of writhing, growing, pulsating pump- kins she’d ever seen. They later went on to cover the entire town where Dave worked, the State of Wisconsin and finally they engulfed the entire earth. But that’s another story. THE END Josh Wapp 1990 “T really appreciate this, you guys.” Le Little did she know that Dave had found out that he has liver cancer and has six months to live; He and Alice felt that this wasn’t a good time to break any news about health to Jill. vi Dawer oF rm an OL 618508 + O diary ! | curse the day | remet herr Schpittbul ! | rue the eve | strode into the Raven and Dungbeetle, blind in my seit confidence ! Dmitri is sick, | fear he will not last the week. He does not even touch his seed anymore, he never sings but mournfully. If had the strength of will | would burn that damned vegetable ! But | find | cannot even go near it without my bones turning to boiled rhubarb, as if it senses | am growing hostile and somehow saps my blood in self defense. And there is also the money to consider. The crowds flock to see it, they don't even listen to my music anymore. Often | do not even bother playing yet people will stuff handfulls of mark notes into my hat, just to let them be near it a little longer. It has changed considerably since | first traded it from Johann for a dozen pints of ale; Where once it was only the size of a tomato, now it is larger than any pumpkin | have ever sé Its smooth, slick, bone white shell is now mottled with black speckles and the leaves- oh those evil, dominating, ty! ical leaves ! When first | saw those yellow, twisting, ani- mate, almost sentient leaves | thought them entertaining. Now, huge and mesmerizing, | see them for what they are yet cannot break away from looking at them. Even as | write this diary I find myself staring incessantly at it, fascinated and repulsed by it, unable to break away. And now there is this smell | am noticing, subtle but pervading, causing me to be prone to violent headaches. | don't know what to do, | don't know what to do, | don’t know what to do /! Judge: Silence please in the courtroom ! Defense, be advised to keep your client restrained. Doctor Ingon, please continue. Doctor Rosco Ingon: When the suspect was encountered on the property of Mr. Vrongley, in the backyard garden, he was apparently attempting to bury the body leaving only the head exposed with an empty seed packet lodged in the ear as a label. When asked what he had done, the ex- fire chief replied “ What, am I my brother’s keeper? Besides, he’s her brother.” Judge: “Who's ‘her’ ?” Ingon: “ He hasn‘t said, your Honor. The suspect then began flapping his arms like a bird whilst throwing potatoes at the arresting officers.” Judge: “Doctor, in your opinion, is this man sane enough to stand trial ?” Ingon: “Is he insarie ? He was found burying a man from the neck down and labelling him an eggplant. Yes, I be- lieve this man is mentally disturbed, the extent of which I could only determine over a prolonged study within a con- olled environ ka ‘Alan Hindle possible orifice with ev white garbage bag with a harbecue fork. She didn’t wantty i touch it as she hurriedly syMed it outside and plopped it tito of a ‘acking U.S. corpo 8 Toner horror, Ji if bullshit wrecking even the sol eal stant pg diane pumpkin grew brig : Fu pped and, Jo “ahi, she skreected. ItwasaiFhiree Mile grabbed the shower kno scrubbed her hands toa eve Island pumpkin pulsating on her conte dh God”, she said as she poke ‘Later that i just a fucking fadigactiy akin, that’s ally” The lst possible thing se could Screed ae jump on her Harley and let bit of wind get the el able a radi particles out of her syfém. Stopping at eoknow! ie orange the tue Saddle Rodeo Club’ for a quick shot of ? le wrinkles. brandy, she talked wfilier friend Alle who she'd Known for years th Alice hisband > Dave,who workedl forthe Cobalt Mining Co. inthe g, pulsating pump- d ever seen. They later went on to cover the cieally appreciate this, you guys.” S own where Dave wor te of Wisconsin tle did she know that Dave had found out that he Atco tae in has iver felt that this wasn't a good time to break any news about atthe Corner 1g to hep dat ed health to Jil, q ‘Josh Wapp 1990