This column represents what we here at the Planet of the Arts hope will be the first in a long standing series of articles. We think that the views represented « here are by turns thoughtful, incisive, provocative, He Said He Said repetetive, insightful... and often hilarious. Remember, you may not always agree with what these two mavericks of public opinion have to say; their witticisms may infuriate you or they might make you laugh out loud but one thing we can all agree on... they will never bore you. Kacey McDougall Nirvana - Nirvana are struggling artists. They’re like anyone else seeking to find themselves the only way they know how. My heart goes out to these guys. Turning to hard drugs and fast, unpure living is the only discourse they have to dealing with their unstable world. They deserve as much respect as any other struggling artist seeking to redefine. Chuck and Di - Oh for Christ’s sake! What is behind this bloody senseless facination with the dirty laundry of celebreties? Isn’t our nation falling apart? Aren’t our youth disappearing to live on the streets? Look to your own household for dysfunction you pathetic tabloid- . suckers! Leave these poor people alone... I suppose every relationship you’ve had has worked out peachy-keen? River Phoenix - Light a candle, Hollywood, and then get drunk, go down to Venice Beach and spit in the ocean. Another little rich kid O.D.’s and frankly, I’m not too shook up. I hada bad tomato season too. He made a lot of money, had his fun and made his choice. It’s mathematics. You might as well cry over carrot juice. Hollywood has been creating and sacrificing teen idols since the 50’s. - Teen Pregnancy - This signifies the breakdown of the moral fabric of our society, and it comes from the rampant freedom given to our youth. We need a return to more tradional values. If kids spent more time with their grandparents playing cribbage this would not be happening. AllI see is turmoil. NAFTA - Who are we kidding? We Canadians have to come down from our Ivory Tower and face facts. If, as free thinking humans, we hope to bountifully co-exist on this planet, we have to be willing to sully our hands and open our borders to trade of our neighbours. In the long- run it’s truly the only way we can hope to keep darn mother earth of ours happy. Hope for Russia? - Throughout all my experience, barnone, I have seen the human spirit triumph, again and again. So it goes for those spunky Russkies. These wonderful people, who have endured so much, will weather this storm, and come out happy, grinning and looking for vodka. I predict another great epic out of this hard-pressed land searching for identity... An epic that Spielberg or Coppola could craeft- : Bruce Springsteen - He’s the Boss. Rosanne - What the hell is going on here?! People should be in the streets, because one of the bastions of free and unadulterated expression is being tampered with. Before the tummy tuck, the facial, the shed pounds, Rosanne was a speaker for the common folk. She told a story that wasn’t being told: about lower-middle-class real people. I feel betrayed by her changes. She’s knuckling under to media pressure and it can’t be positive. Virtual Reality - Like wow! So what if we can’t travel at the speed of light? So what if scientifically Star Trek is impossible? As a kid, I was heart broken to realise that faster than light travel and inter-planetary exploration was made impossible by Einsteinian physics. With the wonders of virtual reality, there are vast regions to explore: the wonders of the human mind. KISS - With or without make up. Hey. They’re musicians above all. Let’s dispense with - acting and bare some fucking-A song writing for what it is. I love KISS, But all that sissy theatre shit really detracted from some A-one music, and I’m happy they’re cleaned up. The 70’s were horrible, and it’s nice to see I’m not the only one in recovery. Get ready world, they’re here, hard, and a musical force to be reckoned with. Pro wrestling is stupid. So was KISS with paint. Ted & Whoopi - Hey, haven’t we all been the unwitting victims of peer pressure and misunderstanding? I think the whole controversy over Danson’s “negro” performance at his social club was blown way out of proportion. If that was what broke them up, well I guess they just weren’t that secure anyway, so maybe it’s for the best. Come on people, give the guy a chance. L.A. Riots - Well what’re ya going to do? I sure as hell don’t know. I’d steal a fuckin’ VCR too. Michael Jackson - Well here it is again folks. Media super powers using their influence to railroad and mud sling their way out of any old situation they want. Do kids lie about this stuff? I don’t know. I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned this guy (and I use the term loosely) should be put in jail just for existing. Money can’t buy everything, weirdo. J.F.K. - Sometimes, when I’m sitting on the porch, watching the sun go down on the junkies and welfare-cases, I wonder. I think of the modern heroes that are so few and far between. Then I think of John F. Kennedy, and my urban landscape gets misty. If only he was here, to guide a nation through troubled times. If only. Sometimes it’s cold in the night - without him. Sometimes we regret a life... lost. Terry Dawes Nirvana - Who are these freaks? I’m tired of always seeing teenage hoodlums crawling out of the woodwork, plugging in some stupid guitars, screaming about their acne and parents, and making a million bucks in the process. In my day, kids really knew how to spin a tune and they were interested in dating and studying for their exams, and good things like that. What the hell is the world coming to? Chuck & Di - Who could believe it? The Royal Family, the family of all families, the family by which all other families are measured, are being destroyed by these punk kids with their loose ways. Actually, it’s Chuck I admire as the classic henpecked husband playing polo:and saving old buildings while trampy Diana goes around spreading her legs for every pulp photographer in Jolly Ole England. Next thing you know, she’ll be a page three girl. River Phoenix - Man, if I was hanging out with River Pheonix that night, I never would have let him die. I would have seen him and said, “River man, you’re hittin’ the sauce pretty hard,” and I would have stopped him. He would be alive today. What a waste! So much potential! Imagine what he could have done if he lived. Anyone who saw him knew that he was something special. — Teen Pregnancy - Well, you might think that I would be the type who says kids should just turn a blind eye to their blossoming bodies, but let’s get real here people. Kids these days are having sex...early! And who can blame them? I mean twelve years old these days compared to when I was a kid... phew! As for morality, well you know that things are kind of loosening up all over the world what with the Berlin Wall and drug liberation and all. And anyway, boys will be boys. : NAFTA - And why don’t you just throw out the baby with the bathwater while you're at it? ~ I’m tired of being pushed around by obnoxious Yankee pigs all the time. I mean, if you were having a party at your house would you give your guests the keys after they trashed the place? Our country is going to hell and if you’re smart you'll make as much money as you can and then get the hell out like all the other rats on the ship. Hope for Russia? - For years they’ ve tried to tear our country apart. Like termites they’ve tried to undermine the democracy we’ ve tried so hard to build, to destroy everything we hold sacred. I say screw ‘em, Communism was doomed from the start. Hopefully these people will be able to see the light of democracy and rebuild their society (as long as it’s with a god!) Have a McCheeseburger, Russkie! On me! Bruce Springsteen - the Boss! Rosanne - Phew! Have you seen Rosanne lately? Holy cow! That is one gutsy gal, I mean taking her life in her own hands like that... What a woman! You can’t really fault her for wanting to make herself beautiful by lopping off a few pounds here and there. Everybody knows that fat is ugly and she had plenty of it. Bravo, Rosanne! Virtual Reality - Progress... but at what price? As if people weren’t freaked out and alienated enough, we have to invent a way for people to totally escape into a computer generated fantasy. And just think, some computer obsessed geek created this “environment” for us. So fuck it. KISS - I’m sorry, once I found out what these guys actually looked like, I thought they sucked. The best part of their rock kind of thing was that they were anonymous. They were Everyman. Those four guys could have been anybody, I mean, I knew this guy in highschool who had an eight inch tongue. Without make-up, they became themselves and therefore... Aw, what the hell. They Rock! Ted & Whoopi - Obviously, these people are just another example of amoral Hollywood cokeheads putting forward their perverted ideals with the intention of unravelling the very © fabric of our society. Frankly, I could care less about the stupid public dirty laundry of these peoples’ lives. Maybe what they need is a marriage counsellor (of course, they would have to get married first, wouldn’t they?). L.A. Riots - I don’t really see a problem here, I mean the jury passed down a verdict. A jury of Rodney King’s peers. Do you really think that twelve people could willingly pass down an unfair judgement? No way! I think those people were just looking for a cheap excuse to steal TV’s and raise a little hell. Michael Jackson - You know, when I was a boy, I used to take time out every week to make sure that I was able to watch the wonderful Jacksons cartoon. Seeing coloured people was kind of a rare experience for me growing up and when I saw that TV show, I saw soul. Nobody who sang such songs of pure innocence could possibly molest a child. Michael, I’m:-behind you all the way. : J.F.K. - If the USA were left in the hands of a living John F. Kennedy, none of us would be alive right now to read this column. He would have launched the big one. I’m glad he’s dead and the sooner we all forget about him, the better. If I could have pulled the trigger myself, I would have. He was a dirty fornicating bastard anyway. Poor Jackie. My heart goes out to her. I'll bet she’s glad he’s dead, too. articles, This column represents what we here at the Planet of the Arts hope will be the first in a long standing series of We think that the views represented here are by turns thoughiful, incisive, provocative, repetetive, insightful. ‘and often hilarious. Remember. you may not always agree with what these two mavericks of public opinion have to say: their witticiems may infuriate you or they might make you laugh ‘out loud but one thing we can all agree on they will never bore you Kacey McDougall Nirvana - Nirvan ae stugeling artists. They're like anyone else seeking to find themselves the only way they know how. My heart goes out to these guys. Tuning to hard drugs and fast, unpue living iste only discourse they have to dealing with their unstable word. They