Ben Smith’s. mig ind | ane this all on Three’ 5 Company | used | to 9 thiak that ere like girls and that gay gals were like guys, and that, therefore, gay men and ga ae should date each other in a perfect gay union. ‘Of G ‘ 7 hey had sex - together to produce mo also thought that gourd beef was grown from the ground.). ve Lifestyles Section”. Every time I've drawn 2, something like Steven Weber's blank stare will be Victim Starring Dirk Bogarde, directed by Basil Dearden. (1961) Victim is one of the earliest films you're likely to find that not only con- scientiously deals with the hot topic of homosexuality (it's based in Britain back when being gay was an indictable offence...which isn't really all that long ago), but that features a gay hero (Dirk Borgarde). On top of that, though, is the fact that it's a rip- ping good yarn brimming with sus- pense and intrigue. The tale, as it goes, is best watched without too many of the plot's intrica- cies being divulged, but essentially it revolves around a growing group of men being blackmailed over their sex- ual preference. Dirk, playing a young and married barrister on his way up the ladder, is drawn into the web when one of his former boyfriends commits suicide as a result of the whole fiasco. Dirk soon finds himself on the receiving end of the blackmail- er's fancy, but is determined to find out who is causing the havoc, despite the fact that his entire life, his mar- riage, his career, and his freedom, are in jeopardy. Victim doesn't let up on the whodun- nit for the whole movie, and part of the fun is trying to guess who's behind it all. There are lots of clues and lots of red herrings, and right up until the final five minutes you'll prob- ably still be guessing. A taut and sharply directed flick. Scenes to watch for: in the final con- versation of the film, between Dirk and his wife, our hero's stoic resolve finally falters, and in that moment Borgarde proves himself to be one of the better actors of his era. Sister My Sister Starring Julie Walters and Joely Richardson, directed by Nancy Meckler. (1994) This movie was so quiet that when the tension broke at various moments | hadn't even noticed it mounting too dramatically, and it scared the bejeez- ers out of me. Based on the true story of two sisters who worked together as live-in maids in the 1930s and who eventually veer into an incestuous les- bian relationship and then into the murder of their employer and her daughter (murder and incestuous les- hty goo bianism go hand in hand, don't > they?), Sister My Sister isn't quite the creepy male fantasy that my brief syn- opsis might lead you to believe. Sorry fellas, it's not Bound. It's actually more of a carefully unoutrageous suppositious character study. The film attempts to be fairly unassuming, making sure not to glam- orize any part of the sisters' progres- sion (or regression, depending on what part you're looking at), and what we're given is an only slightly biased chronicle. It's actually pretty interesting to see how the filmmaker builds the state of their relationship from one of motherly older sister/dependent younger sister to fuckbuddies, and it's interesting still to watch how the film brings us semi- logically to the point where they are prepared to commit a really rather gruesome act of murder (the details of which will probably make you squirm a bit). Whether or not you feel sym- pathy for either of the sisters will probably depend upon your political leanings. Suffice it to say, | doubt Stockwell would have any kind words. Scenes to watch for: I'd say the mur- der scene. It's pretty wacky. The Blood-Spattered Bride (a.k.a. La Novia Ensangrentada) Starring Simon Andreu, Maribel Martin, and Alexandra Bastedo, directed by Vicente Aranda. (1972) Evocative title, isn't it? And rightly so, because the blood sure does flow in this one. The Blood Spattered Bride is, | guess, sort of a gory meditation on women's long-waiting liberation, both emotion- al and sexual, from the confines of a strictly dissatisfying hetero engage- ment. More specifically, it's about how women can exist, without men, in a relationship with one another and be the stronger for it. And even more specifically, it's about how women must go to any means to achieve their autonomy, for men will go to any to stop them. It's also about how, if you live in the seventies, you can be an ugly and sleazy older man and still marry a nice, attractive young woman who will, until she goes crazy and tries to kill you with a funky knife while in cahoots with her vampiric lesbian lover, be ready and waiting for your every sexual whim. The moral of the story is, | think, not to let your newly-wedded wife meet lesbians who are vampires, because then your wife will become a lesbian vampire as well, and then you'll be in a whole heap of trouble with lesbian vampires trying to kill you and your friends. You might think it's sexy at first, but really, it's not. Scenes to watch for: oh, I'd have to say the beach scene where the hus- band digs a woman out of the sand (she was washed up while scuba-div- ing, according to her story). Yes, she's naked, and yes, he digs her out boobs first. Additional viewing: another vampiric lesbian flick to try is Living Dead Girl, yet another film where lesbians are crazed and naked bloodsucking mani- acs. And it's even poignant in parts. Parting Glances Starring Richard Ganoung, John Bolger, and Steve Buscemi, directed by Bill Sherwood. (1986) | hesitate to put this one in because, well, it's bad. Bad acting from its lead, bad composition, bad editing, bad sound design (if you can call it that), bad lighting, bad lots of stuff. Actually, after listing all that off, I'm not sure why | am putting this in after all. Oh, | remember why | put this one in: to warn you not to see it because it sucks so much. Sucks big fat donkey ass. Scenes to watch for: | will admit, Steve Buscemi is pretty good at lend- ing a certain reality to the film with his portrayal of an AIDS-afflicted musician, but sadly his scenes are few and far between. So, if you do get ~ drunk and decide to take in a viewing of this sappy, badly-acted piece of floundering semi-drama, | suggest you cover your eyes until you hear a nasally voice say fuck more than twice in a sentence. That'll be Buscemi's. But beware, once his scenes are done it's back to the shit- ter. And not your regular indoor, flushing shitter. | mean those rancid outdoor shitters that're up at your cottage. Hey, anybody interested in free movie tickets? For real? Well, | get lots, so if you're a student or if you're willing to buy me alcohol stop by the Influx office and I'll pass them on. And yes, you're still allowed to bring me alcohol even if you don't want to see a movie. Ben Smith's. mighty video suggestions for the socially basement-ridden When | was litte - and | blame this all on Three's Company - | used to think that ‘ay guys were like girls and that gay gals were like guys, and that, therefore, gay ‘men and gay women should date each other in a perfect gay union. Of course, as my friend Kier-La admitted to me the other day, she used to think that cats were girls and dogs were boys, and that they had sex together to produce more cats and dogs (she also thought that ground beef was grown from the ground.). Which shows ta go ya that | wasn't the only child with a profoundly skewed view of the universe. Whether or not I'm gay or a lesbian notwithstanding, | have never, up until quite recently, ventured into that video store zone of cinematic narrative dettitus most commonly known as the “Alternative Lifestyles Section". Every time I've drawn close enough to steal a glance, something like Steven Weber's blank stare will be aimed back at me from the cover of Jeffrey, and it'll be straight to the James Bond flicks for me (those of you who've actually seen Jeffrey - my condolences - will understand my discomfort. Oh, what am | saying...anyone who's ever seen Steven Weber in anything will understand. That idiotic boob is film cancer. And my friends tell me he now has his own television series, creatively entitled The Steven Weber Show. Yet another reason not to own a television. Why his mother didn't stab a fork through his forehead when she saw his noggin poking out between her legs I'l never comprehend. But given that more popular films like Ma Vie En Rose and The Adventures of Priscila, Queen of the Desert have managed to squeak their way into my con- sciousness, and also given that this issue is entitled IN/OUT (and also given that | did not wish to review pornos, as Corinna, my editor, had so emphatically suggest- ed), | figured I'd screw up my courage, push Steven Weber aside, and see what | could find. Victim Starring Dirk Bogarde, directed by Basil Dearden. (1961) Victim is one of the earliest films you're likely to find that not only con- scientiously deals with the hot topic of homosexuality (it's based in Britain back when being gay was an indictable offence... which isn't really all that long ago), but that features a gay hero (Dirk Borgarde). On top of that, though, is the fact that it’s a rip- ping good yarn brimming with sus- pense and intrigue The tale, asit goes, is best watched without too many of the plot's intrica- cies being divulged, but essentially it revolves around a growing group of men being blackmailed over their sex- ual preference. Dirk, playing a young and married barrister on his way up the ladder, is drawn into the web when one of his former boyfriends commits suicide as a result of the whole fiasco. Dirk soon finds himself on the receiving end of the blackmail- er's fancy, but is determined to find ‘out who is causing the havoc, despite the fact that his entie life, his mar- riage, his career, and his freedom, are in jeopardy. Victim doesn't let up on the whodun- nit for the whole movie, and part of the fun is trying to guess who's behind it all. There are lots of clues and lots of red herrings, and right up until the final five minutes you'll prob- ably still be guessing. A taut and sharply directed flick. ‘Scenes to watch for: in the final con- versation of the film, between Dirk and his wife, our hero's stoic resolve finally falters, and in that moment Borgarde proves himself to be one of the better actors of his era. Sister My Sister Starring Julie Walters and Joely Richardson, directed by Nancy Meckler. (1994) This movie was so quiet that when the tension broke at various moments | hadn't even noticed it mounting too dramatically, and it scared the bejeez- ers out of me. Based on the true story of two sisters who worked together as live-in maids in the 1930s and who eventually veer into an incestuous les- bian relationship and then into the murder of their employer and her daughter (murder and incestuous les- bianism go hand in hand, don't they?), Sister My Sister isn't quite the creepy male fantasy that my brief syn- opsis might lead you to believe. Sorry fellas, it's not Bound. It’s actually more of a carefully unoutrageous suppositious character study. The film attempts to be fairly unassuming, making sure not to glam- orize any part of the sisters' progres- sion (or regression, depending on what part you're looking at), and what we're given is an only slightly biased chronicle. It's actually pretty interesting to see how the filmmaker builds the state of their relationship from one of motherly older sister/dependent younger sister to fuckbuddies, and it's interesting stil to watch how the film brings us semi- logically to the point where they are prepared to commit a really rather gruesome act of murder (the details of which will probably make you squirm abit). Whether or not you feel sym- pathy for either of the sisters will probably depend upon your political leanings. Suffice it to say, | doubt Stockwell would have any kind words. Scenes to watch for: I'd say the mur- der scene. It's pretty wacky. The Blood-Spattered Bride (a.k.a. La Novia Ensangrentada) Starring Simon Andreu, Maribel ‘Martin, and Alexandra Bastedo, directed by Vicente Aranda. (1972) Evocative title, isn't it? And rightly so, because the blood sure does flow in this one. The Blood Spattered Bride is, | guess, sort of a gory meditation on women's long-waiting liberation, both emotion- al and sexual, from the confines of a strictly dissatisfying hetero engage- ment. More specifically, it's about how women can exist, without men, in a relationship with one another and be the stronger for it. And even more specifically it's about how women must go to any means to achieve their autonomy, for men will go to any to stop them. It's also about how, if you live in the seventies, you can be an ugly and sleazy older man and still marry a nice, attractive young woman ‘who will, until she goes crazy and tries to kill you with a funky knife while in cahoots with her vampiric lesbian lover, be ready and waiting for your every sexual whim. The moral of the story is, | think, not to let your newly-wedded wife meet lesbians who are vampires, because then your wife will become a lesbian vampire as well, and then you'll be in a whole heap of trouble with lesbian vampires trying to kill you and your friends. You might think it's sexy at first, but really, it's not Scenes to watch for: oh, I'd have to say the beach scene where the hus- band digs a woman out of the sand (she was washed up while scuba-div- ing, according to her story). Yes, she's naked, and yes, he digs her out boobs first. Additional viewing: another vampiric lesbian flick to try is Living Dead Gi, yet another film where lesbians are crazed and naked bloodsucking mani- acs. And it's even poignant in parts. Parting Glances Starring Richard Ganoung, John Bolger, and Steve Buscemi, directed by Bill Sherwood. (1986) | hesitate to put this one in because, well, it's bad. Bad acting from its lead, bad composition, bad editing, bad sound design (if you can call it that), bad lighting, bad lots of stuff. Actually, after listing all that off, I'm not sure why | am putting this in after all Oh, | remember why I put this one in: to warn you not to see it because it sticks so much. Sucks big fat donkey ass. ‘Scenes to watch for: 1 will admit, Steve Buscemi is pretty good at lend- jing a certain reality to the film with his portrayal of an AIDS-afflicted ‘musician, but sadly his scenes are few and far between. So, if you do get drunk and decide to take in a viewing of this sappy, badly-acted piece of floundering semi-drama, | suggest you cover your eyes until you hear a rnasally voice say fuck more than twice in a sentence. That'll be Buscemi’s. But beware, once his scenes are done it's back to the shit- ter. And not your regular indoor, flushing shitter. | mean those rancid outdoor shitters that're up at your cottage. Hey, anybody interested in free movie tickets? For real? Well, | get lots, so if you're a student or if you're willing to buy me alcohol stop by the Influx office and I'll pass them on. And yes, you're still allowed to bring me alcohol even if you don't want to see a movie.