on > OLE OLE OPEC CO wren any,

cocktail then 1/2 Velveeta then all marshmallows then the rest of the cheese. Place into hot oven Planet of the Arts Vol. 5 no. 1 Fall 1989

So maybe you don’t have a prob- (2 p p p p j p
ont lem with vegetables, but did you ¢
ever wonder about the meaning or
family tree of the word ‘fuck’? If so only the bass guitar and voice. This seemed

then this book could form a valuable to excite the audience because with the

part of the etymology section of your musical diversity of his past ten albums from
library punk to jazz to full orchestral to Big Band to
; Latin influences, it was anybody's guess to

That was too much for the two
scoundrels. they pushed me into the
sidewalk, once or twice each, then

clambered into the truck. The determi- The book is still a bit hard to find 4.04 he would play that evening. Joe’s
nation to stop these men from flooding in Canada but copies can be had by colourful, costumed, ten piece band returned
the unsuspecting lower mainland with §¥ | HY sending $8.50 (U.S.) plus p.& h. to to the stage and he ended the suspense. Joe
painstakingly airbrushed fetishes, and e Shephard Books, Box 2290, Red- ose he ee Ce pron ened
thus rescue the endangered masses mond, WA. 98073. a me PES hele fer . iota ce “The
peeled me off the concrete and tossed As to the rumour that Reverend a. dience went wild and Joe treated them to
me into a running Camero nearby. 5 Wing and Tom Robbins are one and You Can’t Get What You Want, Fridays, Jet
When the driver leaped out to see if | A Guide to the Happy Accep- the same, well all I’llsay is! believe Set, in which he cheekily took a shot at those
was badly hurt | grabbed the carjack tance of Everything by the Reverend “fuck, Yes!” was written ona “ugly American tourists travelling with their
right out of his hand, subdued him, and Wing Fu Fing. Shepherd Books, Remington SL3 with a speech im- camcorders and getting their faces into
i ‘hi : 2 i everything, and the salsa-tinged Cha-Cha-
tore off in the gold lamé musclemobile. = oe sie pace pediment. (eee. The hom section of the band was par-
| am incapable of driving, | cannot ae oles ser Ee Happy reading. ticulerly supportive on ine instrumental
do it. It’s not that | do not know how, the Bakkers turned my faith dollars version cf Breaking Us in Two.
I've received hundred percent marks on _Into condo’s; | couldn’t tell the Perry Power. The main thrust of the concert, however,
all my written driving exams, | just _ difference between the game show was when he played his newest album,
cannot drive. If there is anything on my hosts and the evangelists, and just ae. eee pe nf eased : ae
: evident from past perfor es in
left larger than a toddler on a tricycle | ee <e ver that he wornted 16 change the concert
will drive over it. That’s just the way | dirty socks in the laundry bag of life, forum from a marketing ploy to an artistic
am. It’s a quirk. along came Reverend Wing and the . performance. At this evening's concert Joe
The normally stoic hairs on the Holy Church of the Slippery Word. What | Nn 5 lazes? seemed to be saying that you can't get a full
ee edurapeelattl Say “Hallelujah!” Say “Amen, sense of an artist's creative talents if you only
ack of my Neck jumped olf In agony her!” J J k R : hear the hits because that would exclude the
from the screech of the windshield Brother! = O€, JACKSON TACVICW™  cocrcr the ialeriol Gr ihe album which wes
wipers trying to brush clear all the The book is work of fiction, and written inconcert with the hit single. Since
mangled bits of tenspeeds, chrome Reverend Wing is rumoured to be What kind of performer can play an Blazes of Glory is an album about young
lated bumpers. tree bark. glass. and none other than Tom Robbins (Jitter- album in its entirety on stage and get awa idealism turning into disillusionment, the
pia 4 pers, g , ill Life With Wood- with it without falling flat on his face? Wal performance read like a thriller scored in
training wheels that had collected and Bug Perfume, Still Life With Woo 9 : sie
ig j ecker). Through the pages of this if it’s Joe Jackson then he is mast welcomed one dramatic act. During one hit single,
blocked my view as | careened meteor- Pp - - to it. And that is exactly what he did foran _‘ Nineteen Forever, he came out dressed in a
like across asphalt, concrete, grass and self-help guide the Reverend Wing appreciative sold-out audience of 2400 shiny silver jacket, oversized pompadour
back to asphalt again. The way before | guides us towards a fuller, richer life people at the Orpheum Theatre on Septem- _ wig, and potato belly, and did a hip imper-
me erupted in a cloud of panic pooping 4S he shares the secrets of “Yes”. er 8th. sonation of Elvis. The effect was charming
‘ P 4 If h i From the beginning, everyone in the and truly characteristic of Joe’s sarcastic
as | struggled to bring my ( you have ever experienced : J ig, every Z
pigeons ugg ig my roblems with teenage sex, higher audience sensed it was going to bea humour. The crowd brought him back for
somebody's ) vehicle back tothe road =P g 2 special night. Joe began the evening witha two encores and he pleased everybody with
after the fraudulent movers. education, adultery, money, God, powerful Is She Really Going Out With a rousing version of Stepping Out, I’m a
However, no sooner had I righted | War or vegetables then this book isa —_ Him and followed it immediately with a man, a Jumpin’ Jive Medley, and ending the
the two thousand pounds of real man’s ‘must read’ for you too. minimalist version of Right or Wrong with with an emotional Slow Song.
mettle, the flame bristling eagle on the
hood bearing down on the truck’s hand- Kevin Louis
g
made license plate, than another of 2000000

Vancouver's natural hazards lunged
onto the scene.

No, not the police. All the authori- exploded in a dazzling display of
ties we had passed in our last ten pyrotechnics and cherubic shaped
minutes of frivolity were determinedly wisps of smoke. The Unit fractured like
meting out justice to chronic jaywalkers a suicidal candycane with a howl like a
and improperly parked vermin, keeping _ flaming cat, then imploded upon itself

our streets safe for the drivers who leaving only a gaping pit filled with leery
can't stay on them. eyed werewolves wearing yellow hard
As we rounded a corner, and a helmets drinking coffee. In this way,
mailbox left too close to the curb, we myself on the defensive inside lane, the
struck onto a dark street lined with moving truck on the out of the cul-de-
recently boarded up houses. Houses sac, lobbing Royal Dalton grenades, we
which had once been alive, though vig- held the condominiums. My greatest
orously decaying, yet after being fear was that a bicyclist should amble
boarded up, had suffocated and died. —_ onto the scene and lure me out into the
These houses suddenly melted like open. We would probably have had to
cotton candy in a furnace, in their maintain this self defeating tactic
places oozed ambiguous patches of forever if one small miracle had not oc-
salmon and lime coloured concrete. cured to break the cycle.
With frightening rapidity a gaggle of The Socred party lost a byelection.
award winning condominiums that A minor setback for them, admittedly,
looked like giant fruit sherbets unfolded _ but quickly followed by a couple others
into existence. the monstrosities and very gradually some dash of
hunched aggressively around us, sensibility returned to British Columbia.
rocking on the four corners of their Not much mind you, but enough to

foundations like pastel bulldogs in heat. throw the scales balancing nature just
Both the moving truck and the camero __ slightly towards credibility and extin-
spun into wild, complimentary angles, —_guish the quasi dimensional moving

each trying to avoid, if possible, the truck, our furniture with it, the exploding

gnashing car port gates. The Condos _ souvenirs and sentient concrete preda-

scuttled from side to side like tors.

sandcrabs trying to hedge us into a cul- Then | landed a part time job at a

de-sac. Through the tastefully draped —_ bookstore on fourth avenue which | still

windows of the glass brick and tile hold. For any one who has lived in 2
behemoths | could see nattily dressed = Vancouver more than two years this

families scratching with pathetic yearn- entire incident was probably depress-

ing at the glass. ingly mundane. To anyone else, to any

Gallery

"The Photographer's Gallery " is
pleased to announce its opening in the heart of
downtown Vancouver. The gallery's primary
objective is to provide support for the emerging
artists using photography. For submission
proposals please contact AFARIN RADJAEI at
681-1910

In self defense one of the movers _ new students from other cities, other
lobbed a plate embossed in genuine provinces, other countries, welcome to
ten carat gold, depicting the scene B.C., to Vancouver, to Emily Carr, wel-
where the pope is brushing his hair and come ! It should be an interesting year
giving the flakes to the needy, which if we try to make it so. Let's hope it is
landed before one of the more rabidly —_ more interesting than the summer.
advancing multiple dwelling units and

toe
cocktail then 1/2 Velveeta then all marshmallows then the rest of the cheese. Place into hot oven Planet of the Arts Vol. 5 no. 1 Fall 1989

cette’

That was too much for the two
scoundrels. they pushed me into the
sidewalk, once or twice each, then
‘olambered into the truck. The determi-
nation to stop these men from flooding
the unsuspecting lower mainland with
painstakingly airbrushed fetishes, and
thus resoue the endangered masses
peeled me off the concrete and tossed
me into a running Gamero nearby.
When the driver leaped out o see it!
was badly hurt | grabbed the carjack
right out of his hand, subdued him, and
tore off in the gold lamé musclemobile

11am incapable of driving, | cannot
o it I's not that I do not know how,
I've received hundred percent marks on
all my written driving exams, | just
‘cannot drive. If there is anything on my
left larger than a toddler on a tricycle |
will drive over it. That's just the way |
am. it's a quirk.

‘The normally stoic hairs on the
‘back of my neck jumped off in agony
from the screech of the windshield
wipers trying to brush clear all the
mangled bits of tenspeeds, chrome
plated bumpers, tree bark, glass, and
training wheels that had collected and
blocked my view as | careened meteor-
like across asphalt, concrete, grass and
back to asphalt again. The way before
‘me erupted in a cloud of panic pooping
pigeons as | struggled to bring my (
‘somebody's ) vehicle back to the road
after the fraudulent movers.

However, no sooner had I righted
the two thousand pounds of real man’s
mettle, the flame bristling eagle on the
hood bearing down on the truck’s hand-
made license plate, than another of
Vancouver's natural hazards lunged
‘onto the scene.

'No, not the police. All the authori-
ties we had passed in our last ten
‘minutes of frivolity were determinedly
‘meting out justice to chronic jaywalkers
and improperly parked vermin, keeping
our streets safe for the drivers who
can't stay on them.

‘As we rounded a commer, and a
mailbox left too close to the curb, we
struck onto a dark street lined with
recently boarded up houses. Houses
which had once been alive, though vig-
‘orously decaying, yet after being
boarded up, had suffocated and died.
These houses suddenly melted like
‘cotton candy in a furnace, in their
places oozed ambiguous patches of
‘salmon and lime coloured concrete.
With frightening rapidity a gaggle of
‘award winning condominiums that
looked like giant fruit sherbets unfolded
into existence. the monstrosities
hunched aggressively around us,
rocking on the four comers of their
foundations like pastel bulldogs in heat.
Both the moving truck and the camero
spun into wild, complimentary angles,
each trying to avoid, if possible, the
‘gnashing car port gates. The Condos
scuttled from side to side like
sandorabs trying to hedge us into a cul
de-sac. Through the tastefully draped
‘windows of the glass briok and tile
behemoths | could see nattly dressed
families soratching with pathetic yeam-
ing at the glass.

In self defense one of the movers
lobbed a plate embossed in genuine
ten carat gold, depicting the scene
where the pope is brushing his hair and
giving the flakes to the needy, which
landed before one of the more rabidly
advancing multiple dwelling units and

wy

FUCK YES

A Guide to the Happy Accep-
tance of Everything by the Reverend
Wing Fu Fing. Shepherd Books,
Redmond, Washington. $12.50 (Can.)

Jim Jones spiked my Kool-Aid;
the Bakers turned my faith dollars
Into condo’s; | couldn’ tell the
difference between the game show
hosts and the evangelists, and just
when | was feeling like a bunch of
dirty socks In the laundry bag of life,
along came Reverend Wing and the
Holy Church of the Slippery Word.
Say “Hallelujah!” Say “Amen,
Brother!”

‘The book is work of fiction, and
Reverend Wing Is rumoured to be
none other than Tom Robbins (Jitter-
Bug Perfume, Still Life With Wood-
pecker). Through the pages of this
self-help guide the Reverend Wing
guides us towards a fuller, richer life
as he shares the secrets of “Yes”.

Ityou have ever experienced
problems with teenage sex, higher

‘education, adultery, money, God,

war or vegetables then this book Is a

‘must read! for you too.

2900000

exploded in a dazzling display of
Pyfotechnios and cherubic shaped
wisps of smoke. The Unit fractured lke
‘a suicidal candycane with a howl like a
flaming cat, then imploded upon itselt
leaving only a gaping pit filled with leery
‘eyed werewolves wearing yellow hard
helmets drinking coftee. In this way,
‘myseif on the defensive inside lane, the
‘moving truck on the out of the cul-de-
sac, lobbing Royal Dalton grenades, we
held the condominiums. My greatest
fear was that a bicyclist should amble
‘onto the scene and lure me out into the
‘open. We would probably have had to
maintain this self defeating tactic
forever it one small miracle had not oc-
cured to break the cycle,

The Soored party lst a byelection,
‘A minor setback for them, admittedly,
but quickly followed by a couple others
and very gradually some dash of
sensibilly returned to British Columbia
Not much mind you, but enough to
throw the scales balancing nature just
slightly towards credibility and extin-
‘uish the quasi dimensional moving
truck, our furniture with it, the exploding,
souvenirs and sentient concrete preda-
tors.

Then | landed a part time job at a
bookstore on fourth avenue which | stil
hold. For any one who has lived in
Vancouver more than two years
entire incident was probably depress-
ingly mundane. To anyone else, to any
new students from other cities, other
provinces, other countries, welcome to
B.C., to Vancouver, to Emily Carr, wel-
‘come | It should be an interesting year
it we try to make it so. Let's hope itis
more interesting than the summer.

So maybe you don't have a prob-
lem with vegetables, but did you
‘ever wonder about the meaning or
family tree of the word ‘fuck’? If so
then this book could form a valuable
part of the etymology section of your
library.

The book is still a bit hard to find
in Canada but copies can be had by
sending $8.50 (U.S.) plus p.& h. to
‘Shephard Books, Box 2290, Red-
mond, WA. 98073.

As to the rumour that Reverend
Wing and Tom Robbins are one and
the same, well all 'll say is | believe
“fuck, Yes!” was written ona
Remington SL3 with a speech im-
pediment.

Happy reading.

Perry Power.

What in Blazes?
Joe Jackson Review

Who kind of performer can play on
clbum in is enirey on sloge and ge awa
with it without fling fot on his fooe® Well
iF is Joe Jackson then he is mes! welcomed
toi. And tht is exacly whot he di for on
opprecatve soldout audience of 2400

ple ot the Orpheum Theatre on Septem:
Borba nee

From the begicning, everyone in the
ince sensed it was going lo be 0
spec ght Joe bog the avning wih 0
Powerful Is She Really Going Out With
Him and followed i immediately with a
minimalist version of Right or Wrong with

trust cra of pa bn bi rom
punk tojozz ofl orchestral o Big Bond
Een ecn, wes anos go 0
ha he would ply fet rong. e's
ee teres Coc ote
see el eect cxrenee
oe SUS ars
fc all cudionces mou He fo hecr rom the
fend, “well be hore for slong tine.” The
odienca wet wid ond Joe tects them to
You Con? Got Whot You Wen, Fridays, Jt
Ser nich he chek oko se ove
hy American outs Yavelng wil thet
conte one geting len fom ino
venting, ond he sessed ChoCho
ica th en nt le Bond ws por
Teale supporive on ine insromencl
Penance Urine

Te mg fe ono,
(Higher a
Blezes of Gry, Ins entry. irwos
vider fom pest performances in Voncou
verbal he world fo chenge re concer
rome eerie pv en tok
performance, Al is evening's concert Joe
Seomed to be soying tat you con elo fl
ernest ener sclecti lers you cal
Fearthe his bcos ot wold excoce te
Testo he motel on he cloum which wos
wien anerwihhahisgle Sco
ees icc sees
idoston tuning io alsin he
pefoinnca ea i a ilo in
pe dranoke oe. Dasing one seal,
‘Nineteen Forever, he come ot rested in 0
Spel arate
wig, ord peo aly, end did chip impor
Pee wants
rE Setetet skeet ore ste
Peres The eevee an et ee
Moraine one vty wih
{rousing veson of Sipping Our, Fa
ase fame ape Hey ord ending tm
wihin emetoncl Sew Sov,

Kevin Louis

“The

Gallery

Photographer's Gallery " is
pleased to announce its opening in the heart of
downtown Vancouver. The gallery's primary
lobjective is to provide support for the emerging
artists using photography. For submission
proposals please contact AFARIN RADJAEI at
681-1910