Typical of this culture, a woman wearing high-heeled shoes is reclining in a provocative pose inviting [to] the viewer. Th ...these early settlers briefly inhabited the coast but were forced to relocate due to excessive rain. 8 influx: Magazine February 1999 ont Yard Culture by Meghan Mcculloch tilletoists by Jane Brookes They are among us today. You may not know that your neighbour or teacher or pharmacist is a Stilettoist unless they choose to inform you. They remain a select group with no racial boundaries. They are all of the female gender. They revere the high-heeled, Stiletto shoe. According to anthropologists and psychologists, there is evidence of high-heeled shoemaking as early as 10,000 BC by primitive Stilletoists ancestors (Image 1: Willendorf Woman). Necessity compelled these cave dwellers to invent some method of protect- ing their feet from the elements, raising them above the cold earth, snow and jagged rocks while at the same time allowing them to show off their long legs and shapely calves. Psychologically, high heels permitted the Stilletoists to lead rather than follow. They became towering seductresses, literally star- ing down on lesser beings. Physically, it was impossible for such women to cower in high heels. They were forced to take a stand and strike a pose because anatomically their cen- ter of gravity had been displaced forward. Their lower backs arched, their spine and legs seemed to lengthen, and their chests thrust forward. High heels forced their feet into the vertical posture described by sex researchers as typical during female sexual arousal, when the foot is extended until it falls in line with the rest of the leg. (Image 2: Egyptian Tablet) The Stilettoist gained great cultural strength in the 3000 years of the Egyptian civi- lization. The Egyptians worshipped the beautiful body and invented red nail polish that they used not only on their finger- nails but on their toenails as well. This led to the idea that open-toed shoes would show off the beauty of the foot, which was already held to be of some erotic interest. Cleopatra wore sandals with curved soles bordered with gold and precious jew- elry that elevated her heel above the toes. Other Egyptian queens wore heeled shoes made of gold and onyx. Some years later, however, the Stilettoist culture suf- fered a set back when the Persians produced types of shoes, which, for women, became purely ornamental. These were closed slippers with long pointed toes that curved back over the insole. They were an attempt to cover the eroticised foot. When women walked in them, however, the pointed tips broke off. (Image 3: Titian) During the 15th Century High Renaissance, we can see an example of the Stilettoist in Titian’s little known painting “Sister of Venus of Urbino”. Typical of this culture, a woman wearing high-heeled shoes is reclining in a provocative pose inviting [to] the viewer. The Stiletto shoe is rich in [the] legends, myths and folklore of different races. Decorative shoes are metaphors that link life and theme throughout history. From stories of the Virgin Mary crushing the head of the serpent with her high I am here today to present to you the interesting finds which I have discovered, of all places, in my front yard. The unearthing of this evi- dence will hopefully shed some light on an aspect of Vancouver’s past, which was, until this point in time, unknown. Until further study can be con- ducted, we (myself and my team of archaeologists, my roommates) have temporarily named this past culture the “F.Y.”, or “Front Yard” culture of the rain people. Years of erosion and urban landscaping have brought these artifacts close to the surface, which is how we happened upon them during a routine survey of the yard. We have suspected for some time that evidence of the earliest Vancouverites lay buried under our noses due to research into local legends and our interactions with the myth- ical and mysterious people. In the legend, these early settlers briefly inhabited the coast but were forced to relocate due to excessive rain. There are contradictory tales of how these peo- ple lived, their rituals and their art. Some legends said they worshipped and revered the sun, due to the lack of its appear- ance, and some say they worshipped the rain because they feared its power and the influence it had on their lives. We will heel to the stories of Adam and Eve’s Temptation. From Mercury’s winged feet to. . the Sandal. = of Omphale with which the Queen of Lydia struck a weakened Hercules, [and includ- ing] the tiny glass slip- per of Cinderella, all are secretly idolized within the culture of the Stilettoist. {As you can see,] the history of Stilettoist develop- ment shows the importance of the high-heeled shoe. The foot and the high-heeled shoe are the most common sources of sex- ual fetishism in their society. The extension in height can make these women appear more powerful. When worn over long periods of time they are a devilish prescription for pain, which allows for them to master mind-over-matter. Women may wear slippers, put on sneakers, and slip into loafers, but Stilletoists dress in high heels. The true Stilettoist would not resort to lackluster oxfords; no ties or laces would sully their arches. Others will mimic the style of the Stilettoist, even some men may wear the high heel but the true Stilettoist worships, covets and collects the apparel. Most members of this group have a large collection of high heels of which they keep guard and keep out of sight in the privacy of their living quarters. The Stilettoist culture has lived through the ages, learning all that they know from their mothers and grandmothers. There are many burdens placed on the contempo- rary Stilettoist: a major one is the expense of maintaining a large collection [of high-heeled shoes]. Another is that no mat- ter what financial limits are laced upon them, they are com- pelled to buy “just one more pair.” The storage of “just one more pairs” is surreptitiously closeted for fear of ‘The Count.’ If they wear their new acquisitions at judicious intervals, care- ful monitoring will prevent anyone from ever realizing the stag- gering quantity of their collection. The last act of the Stilettoist woman will be to wear specially designed shoes to her grave. This will enable her to walk proudly into the next world. I have been successful in acquiring several artifacts of the Stilettoist culture for your viewing. These are examples of shoes rich in sexual suggestion and behavior. They are frag- ile and I welcome you to come closer for a better examination. This may be the last chance you may have to view objects of the Stilettoist culture. Thank you. hopefully be able to throw some light on these questions and more now that we have found evidence of this culture. After the initial discovery of the first artifact, we set about surveying and gridding off an area we decided would be best for a test pit or trench. At this point we have only excavat- ed the top strata but we made some exciting discoveries which will warrant further excavation. The first artifact, which lay closest to the surface, in grid number SW 1, is a well crafted metal object, measuring 5.5 cm in length and 2.8 cm in width. Although it must be taken back to the lab for cleaning and analysis, it looks like cast tilletoists Typical of this culture, a woman wearing high-heeled shoes is reclining in a provocative pose inviting [to] the viewer. joa gre BES tae The = ..these early settlers briefly inhabited the coast but were forced to relocate due to excessive rain 8 influx? Magazine February 1999 Front Yard Culture by Meghan Mcculloch. by Jane Brookes They are among us today. You may not know that your neighbour or teacher or pharmacist isa Stiletost unless they choose to inform you, They remain a select group with no racial boundaries, They are all of the female gender. They revere the high-heeled, Stileto shoe. According to anthropologists and psychologist, there is evidence of high-heeled shoemaking as carly as 10,000 BC by primitive Salletoists ancestors (Image 1: Willendort Woman). Necessity compelled these cave dwellers to invent some method of protect= ing their feet from the elements, rising them above the cold earth, snow and jagged rocks while atthe same time allowing them to show off their long legs and shapely cals, Psychologically high heels permitted the Silletoists to lead rather than follow. The became towering seductresses, literally sta ing down on lesser beings. Physically twas impossible for such women to cower in igh Ineels They were forced to take @ stand and strike a pose because anatomically their cen- ter of gravity had been displaced forward. Their lower backs arched, their spine and legs seemed to lengthen, and thei chests thrust forward. High heels forced their feet ino the vertical posture described by sex researchers a5 typical during female sexual arousal, when the foot is extended until it fas in line with the rest ofthe le. (Gmage 2: Egyptian Tablet) The Stiletoist gained ‘reat cultural strength in the 3000 years ofthe Egyptian civi- lization. The Egyptians worshipped the beautiful body and jnvented red nail polish that they used not only on thei finger rails but on theie toenails as well, This led to the idea that ‘open-tocd shoes would show off the beauty of the foot, which ‘was already held to be of some erotic interest. Cleopatra wore Sndals with curved soles bordered with gold and precious jew= cry that elevated her heel above the toes. Other Egyptian ‘gucens wore heeled shoes made of gold and onyx. Some years later, however, the Stilettost culture suf= fered a set back when the Persians produced types of shoes, which, for women, became purely ornamental. These were closed slippers with long pointed toes that curved back over the insole. They were an attempt to cover the ertiised foot. When ‘women walked in them, however, the pointed tips broke off (mage 3: Titan) During the 15th Century High Renaissance, we can see an example ofthe Suiletoist in Titian’ liule known painting “Sister of Venus of Urbino". Typical of this culture, 2 woman wearing high-heeled shoes i reclining in provocative pose inviting [to] the viewer ‘The Stieto shoe is rich in [the] legend, myths and. fotkiore of diferent races, Decorative shoes are metaphors that Tink life and theme throughout history. From stories of the Virgin Mary crushing the head of the serpent with her igh Tam here today t0 present to you the interesting finds which T have dicovered, of all places, in my font yard, The unearthing ofthis ev dence will hopefully shed some light on an aspect of Vancouver's past, which was, until this point in time, unknown, Until further study can be con- ducted, we (myself and my team of archaeologists, ry roommates) have temporarily named this past culture the “EY. or "Front Yard” culture of the rain people Years of erosion and urban landscaping have brought these artifacts close to the surface, hich is how we happened upon them during a routine survey ofthe yard, We have suspected for some time that evidence of the carest Vancouverites ly buried under our noses duc t0 research into local legends and our interactions with the myth- ical and mysterious people, In the legend, these early setlers briety inhabited the coast but were forced to relocate due t0 excessive rain There are contradictory tales of how these peo- ple lived, their rituals and their art. Some legends said they worshipped and revered the sun, de tothe lack of ts appear tance, and some say they worshipped the rain because they feared its power and the influence ithad on thei ives. We will heel to the stories of, ‘Adam and Eve's ‘Temptation. From Mercury's winged feet to the Sandal of Omphale with which the Queen of Lydia struck a weakened Hercules, [and includ- Jing] the tiny glass stip- per of Cinderella, all are Secretly idolized within the culture ofthe Stiletost. [As you can see] the history of Stlettoist develop- ‘ment shows the importance of the high-heeled shoe. The foot and the high-heeled shoe are the most common sources of sex- tual fetishism in their society. The extension in eight can make these women appear more powerful. When worn over long periods of time they area devilish preseription for pai, which allows for them to master mind-over-matter ‘Women may wear slippers, put on sneakers and sip into loafers, but Stiletoists dress in high heels. The truc Stilewoist would not resort t0 lackluster oxfords; no ties oF laces would sully their arches. Others will mimic the syle ofthe Stlettis, even some men may wear the high heel bu the true leuoist worships, covets and collects the apparel ‘Most members ofthis group have a large collection ‘of high heels of which they keep guard and keep out of sight in the privacy of thei living quarters. The Stiletost culture has lived through the ages, learning all that they know fom their ‘mothers and grandmothers. “There are many burdens placed on the contempo- rary Stiletoist: a major one is the expense of maintaining @ large eolletion (of high-hecled shoes. Another is that no mat- ter what financial limits are laced upon them, they are com- pelled to buy “just one more paix” The storage of "just one ‘more pairs” s surreptitiously closeted for fear of The Count” If they wear their new acquisitions a judicious interval, care- ful monitoring wil prevent anyone fom ever realizing the stag- ering quantity of their collection. “The last act ofthe Stiltoist woman will be to wear specially designed shoes to her grave. This will enable her to walk proudly into the next world, have been successful in acquiring several artifacts of the Suilewoist culture for your viewing. These are examples ‘of shoes rich in sexual suagestion and behavior. They are fag. ile and I welcome you to come closer fora better examination. ‘This may be the last chance you may have to view object of the Stiewoist culture ‘Thank you, hopefully be able to throw some light on these questions and ‘more now that we have found evidence of this culture After the inital dicovery ofthe frst artifact, we set about surveying and gridding off an area we decided would be best fora test pit or trench. At this point we have only excavat- fd the top strata but we made some exciting discoveries which vwll warrant further excavation, “The first artifact, which lay closest to the surface, in grid number SW I, isa well crafted metal object, measuring 5.5 cm in length and 2.8 em in width, Although it must be taken back tothe lab for cleaning and analysis, it ooks like cast