ve) > — UO a) < ea) ” VY e) m4 Se ~ BEN SMITH'S MIGHTY GOO = Lt a) = [a4 ut = Lui = tak. 2) < faa) a — = UO O a) awe a J oe O ib. 2 = © _ "a ib! UO UO — VW O ida = > Bad portrayals of villains really burn my ass to a crisp. Nothing sucks more than watching James Bond jogging around and saving the day in The World Is Not Enough only to have him come up against - are you ready for it? - Sophie Marceau. | mean, come on. Sophie Marceau? Villains define the hero. The cooler a bad guy, the better the hero has to be. A lame villain means a crappy, boring, and emo- tionally vacant struggle. For example, when Batman comes up against Jack Nicholson as The Joker, we Ooh and Aah. When Batman comes up against Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, well, did anyone even care? As well, villains represent a lot of our hidden desires. They stem from our non- conformist tendencies, our secret leanings towards the dark side, and our occasional need for anarchy. Aside from her propensity for green tights, Uma didn't represent any of my secret desires. A bad villain really wrecks the movie. Admittedly, The World Is Not Enough just plain sucked. But it sure would have sucked an awful lot less had the big, bad vil- lain been played by someone like, say, Gary Oldman. So here we go: kick-ass bad guys. And remember, that fine establishment Black Dog Video will be able to handle all of your video needs. They're super cool folks located at the corner of 18th and Cambie, and they're much better than Videomatica. Darth Vader If you need me to tell you about Darth Vader, then congratulations on recover- ing from that coma! Agent 006 Some might call this blasphemy, but | will contend to my death that Sean Bean's 006 in the James Bond flick Goldeneye is the best Bond villain of all time. Everyone cites Goldfinger from Goldfinger, but aside from being fat and greedy, there wasn't much to that guy. Bond and 006 were not only emotionally bound together by love and betrayal, they were each other's technical equals. On top of that, Sean Bean certainly proved himself well in the acting arena, blasting Pierce Brosnan off the screen at every opportunity. The final battle between the two of them is one of the most memo- rable Bond fights of all time. Neil MacCauley Michael Mann's Heat examines the archetypal paths of the good guy and the bad guy in the cops and robbers storyline. In it, Robert DeNiro plays Neil, a man on the robbers side of the tale who struggles to find love, and who is ultimately and tragically confined by the bounds of his role. On the other end, in the cop role, is Al Pacino in one of his finer late-career performances. Heat is taut, tense, and rivetting. And by the end of it you won't be sure who you want to come out triumphant. A sah-weet flick, one of the very few that literally had me on the edge of my seat.Deacon Frost Stephen Dorff plays a young vampire out to enslave the human race and become the ultimate bloodsucker on the planet in Blade. This guy is making a run for the mantle of Jack Nicholson, outcooling his heroic adversary (Wesley Snipes in the titu- lar role) by miles. And there's no cop-outs, either. No "oh, I'm bad because my parents didn't love me and | went to art school and learned to wear black". Nope, Dorff is just pure, comic book evil. Staple-Neck Guy (a.k.a. Kurgan) This Highlander baddie is so bad that when he nearly gets his head chopped off he ends up holding it together with staples across his neck! That's crazy! The Jackal No, not that stupid movie with Bruce Willis. I'm talking about the original, The Day Of The Jackal. Like Heat, this is one of those interesting features in which you actually wind up wanting the bad guy (known as "The Jackal") to succeed, even if he just happens to be involved in presidential assasination. Fucking tense at the climax, I'll tell you. Gary Oldman in damn near anything Yes, Gary Oldman's been a little typecast, but he's just so good at being bad. In The Professional, his pill-popping, muderous cop had me squirming. In The Fifth Element, his space-age corporate villain was played to hilarious extreme. He human- ized Dracula to levels of painful sympathy. And hell, he was the only thing worth watch- ing in both Air Force One and Lost In Space (if, for some reason, you were unfortunate enough to be forced to watch either one). Krank One bizarre villain. He steals the dreams of small children because, having no soul, he cannot dream himself. What else can you expect from the French? (The City Of Lost Children) Xander Drax You know, you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who'll admit to having seen this movie, let alone liking it, but The Phantom ranks up there with some of the better comic book film adaptations. And Xander Drax, played deliciously over the top by Treat Williams, is a genuinely fun villain to watch. And hey, his henchwoman is played by Catherine Zeta-Jones. She's cute. Hans Gruber Alan Rickman's performance as the super-cool and ultra-suave Hans Gruber in Die Hard played extremely well against his gritty, street-smart police officer opponent, John MacLean (Bruce Willis). As a high-class, understated leader of a group of thieves, Rickman strides through this movie with so much panache that he truly elevates it beyond the typical bounds of the action genre. Not even Bruce Willis could drag this flick down, although he does try pretty hard. Zod Okay, Zod's (Terrence Stamp) got the powers of Superman (in Superman I), so what does he do? Well, he goes to a small town and kills a bunch of people, and when the army arrives and he kills them, and then he beats the crap out of Superman, and then he crowns himself president of the planet. Pretty nasty guy. BEN SMITH’S MIGHTY GOO Zz lu a a ~ ee z2 Lu = ui WN < fea) a - = e) ie) Nn lu ig -E [a4 2) Te n Zz je) _ (7p) lu 5) ©) =) n (0) lu Q > ) > =) ie) Q < (oa) %) 1%) i: ~~ 9 ~~ Bad portrayals of villains really burn my ass to a crisp. Nothing sucks more than watching James Bond jogging around and saving the day in The World Is Not Enough only to have him come up against - are you ready for it? - Sophie Marceau. | mean, come on. Sophie Marceau? Villains define the hero. The cooler a bad guy, the better the hero has to be. A lame villain means a crappy, boring, and emo- tionally vacant struggle. For example, when Batman comes up against Jack Nicholson as The Joker, we Ooh and Aah. When. Batman comes up against Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, well, did anyone even care? As well, villains represent a lot of our hidden desires. They stem from our non- conformist tendencies, our secret leanings towards the dark side, and our occasional need for anarchy. Aside from her propensity for green tights, Uma didn't represent any of my secret desires. A bad villain really wrecks the movie. Admittedly, The World 1s Not Enough just plain sucked. But it sure would have sucked an awful lot less had the big, bad vil- lain been played by someone like, say, Gary Oldman. So here we go: kick-ass bad guys. ‘And remember, that fine establishment Black Dog Video will be able to handle all of your video needs. They're super cool folks located at the corner of 18th and Cambie, and they're much better than Videomatica. Darth Vader Ifyou need me to tell you about Darth Vader, then congratulations on recover- ing from that coma! ‘Agent 006 ‘Some might call this blasphemy, but | will contend to my death that Sean Bean's 006 in the James Bond flick Goldeneye is the best Bond villain of all time. Everyone cites Goldfinger from Golafinger, but aside from being fat and greedy, there wasn't much to that guy. Bond and 006 were not only emotionally bound together by love and betrayal, they were each other's technical equals. On top of that, Sean Bean certainly proved himself well in the acting arena, blasting Pierce Brosnan off the screen at every opportunity. The final battle between the two of them is one of the most memo- rable Bond fights of all time. Neil MacCauley Michael Mann's Heat examines the archetypal paths of the good guy and the bad guy in the cops and robbers storyline. In it, Robert DeNiro plays Neil, a man on the robbers side of the tale who struggles to find love, and who is ultimately and tragically Confined by the bounds of his role. On the other end, in the cop role, is Al Pacino in one of hs finer late-career performances. Heat's taut, tense, and rivetting. And by the end of it you won't be sure who you want to come out triumphant. A sah-weet flick, one of the very few that literally had me on the edge of my seat. Deacon Frost Stephen Dorff plays a young vampire out to enslave the human race and become the ultimate bloodsucker on the planet in Blade. This guy is making a run for the mantle of Jack Nicholson, outcooling his heroic adversary (Wesley Snipes in the titu- lar role) by miles. And there's no cop-outs, either. No “oh, I'm bad because my parents didn't love me and I went to art school and learned to wear black’. Nope, Dorff is just ure, comic book evil Staple-Neck Guy (a.k.a. Kurgan) This Highlander baddie is so bad that when he nearly gets his head chopped off he ends up holding it together with staples across his neck! That's crazy! The Jackal No, not that stupid movie with Bruce Willis. I'm talking about the original, The Day Of The Jackal. Like Heat, this is one of those interesting features in which you actually wind up wanting the bad guy (known as “The Jackal") to succeed, even if he just happens to be involved in presidential assasination. Fucking tense at the climax, Il tell you. Gary Oldman in damn near anything ‘Yes, Gary Oldman's been a little typecast, but he's just so good at being bad. In The Professional, his pil-popping, muderous cop had me squirming. In The Fifth Element, his space-age corporate villain was played to hilarious extreme. He human- ized Dracula to levels of painful sympathy. And hell, he was the only thing worth watch- ing in both Air Force One and Lost In Space (\f, for some reason, you were unfortunate enough to be forced to watch either one). Krank (One bizarre villain. He steals the dreams of small children because, having no soul, he cannot dream himself. What else can you expect from the French? (The City Of Lost Children) Xander Drax You know, youll be hard-pressed to find anyone who'll admit to having seen this movie, et alone liking i, but The Phantom ranks up there with some of the better comic book fim adaptations. And Xander Drax, played deliciously over the top by Treat Williams, is a genuinely fun villain to watch. And hey, his henchwoman is played by Catherine Zeta-vones. She's cute. Hans Gruber ‘Alan Rickman’s performance as the super-cool and ultra-suave Hans Gruber in Die Hard played extremely well against his grity, street-smart police officer opponent, John MacLean (Bruce Wills). As a high-class, understated leader of a group of thieves, Rickman strides through this movie with so much panache that he truly elevates it beyond the typical bounds of the action genre. Not even Bruce Wilis could drag this flick down, although he does try pretty hard. Zod Okay, Zod's (Terrence Stamp) got the powers of Superman (in Superman I), $0 winat does he do? Well, he goes to a small town and kills a bunch of people, and when the army arrives and he kills them, and then he beats the crap out of Superman, and then he crowns himself president of the planet. Pretty nasty guy.