When I Dream of You…

“How is the body a vessel for memory?” and “How do the stories we recall and recount create who we are?” These are the questions explored in this thesis through the lens of memory loss and family, alongside an analysis of the challenges of representation. As I navigate the impacts of my parents’ dementia, I explore the fluid nature of memory, how memories are made, stored and lost, and the importance of memory in the making of the self through the construction of a personal narrative. My experiences of the chaotic, fragmented and disorienting effects of memory loss are expressed visually through the development of a language based on line (in particular, blind contour line), the iterative process of layering multiple images, the use of concepts such as the unfinished, the fragment, the gap and trace, as well as the expressive use of colour. These elements are used to create a series of large oil paintings that reconsider the nature of portraiture. Rather than following a traditional format, this thesis document draws on stories and memories, fragments that weave together a meandering narrative that mimics the visual structure of the artwork. Memory loss opens up questions of identity, and through stories lost and stories told, ultimately leads to the question “what can we truly know of others and ourselves?”